AIBU about no Christmas Day answer

[MRex]

We offered that we'll cook, or BIL can (he has insisted on previous years), or they can have just the PIL and we'll do something else. Suggested they could pop over Xmas Eve instead if they prefer. We can't order meat when we don't know if we are cooking for anything from 0 to 11 people. Or if we are going, what dish we need to order for. Two weeks and still they "are thinking about it". It seems really late to me for ordering, AIBU to just go ahead and order food assuming we have the PIL and other siblings but not them, or should we wait longer?

I'd send out a message that says. I'm assuming no one wants to come for Christmas dinner seeing I'm getting no replies, so I'll just make out meat order to suit my family. Hope you all manage to get sorted too.

@MLMshouldbeillegal

It seems really late to me for ordering,

You do know that it's 8th November? And still almost 7 weeks to Christmas?

OP is being realistic. M&S for example has already sold out of half their food to order including a lot of their turkey options.

Yeah I used to do that. Now I say "I'm cooking dinner. I need to know by the end of the week if you're coming because I'm ordering meat." I always order a slightly larger joint than necessary because we can have sandwiches and stuff. But then I'd send a message out to anyone who didn't respond saying, ordered our meat, we have PILs for dinner, would love to see you between Christmas and New year's. And just leave it at that. When they decide if they're visiting you then can fit around your plans.

What I'm saying is, stop trying to fit in with their plans, make your own plans and tell them what you're doing and what time you have free for them.

Just go ahead and order. It’s not too early, in fact it’s almost too late!

I'm with you OP and have taken the day off to finalise all Christmas matters myself (otherwise, there is a chance I will go crazy between home/school/work!). I'd be tempted to make your own plans with PIL and let BIL know so he can work around it. Is BIL married? I just wonder if SIL might be trying to coordinate her own family also hence the delay but someone needs to take control.

its the 8th November for goodness sake - get a grip

@MLMshouldbeillegal

It seems really late to me for ordering,

You do know that it's 8th November? And still almost 7 weeks to Christmas?

This

You can tell who’s done the hosting for 10+ people and who hasn’t.

I’d be really irritated if someone was holding up my planning and ordering at this stage, it’s annoying to be in limbo with it for too long when you’re trying to sort out menus and such!

We ordered our turkey and gammon two weeks ago.

Personally I would send a message out im assuming no one is coming so I have ordered the food to suit ourselves maybe meet up for a coffee on boxing day, kisses!

Or maybe it’s more about who orders their meat and who buys it at the supermarket. It’s obviously not essential to work these things out so early on if you’re not ordering food.

@MorrisZapp

I didn't know ordering meat was a thing until I came on MN in middle age. In cities at least, meat is widely available all the time.

Some places want you to place your fish or meat orders in October.

Meat is widely available here too...I just prefer to order our meat for Christmas from the farm shop where we buy the rest of our meat. She’s done taking orders already.

Maybe the OP needs to budget hence needing to know now?

I get it OP, Over half the things I have pre-ordered from M&S have already sold out.

You need to be firm and give them a definite date to let you know.

As a PP said, tell them you need to know by the end of the week as the order will be done then for only the definite numbers you have.

They will then have to make their own arrangements.

Yanbu

I hate it when people want to make you disorganised because they are

I don't think PIL aren't being rude at all, they just want to have a chance to see everyone so are patiently waiting to be told where to go and when. SIL just messaged that she has told BIL again at breakfast to decide and tell everyone today, but she is giving up now. I hadn't even asked SIL this week because she has the baby to deal with and she wouldn't be doing the cooking, it's just BIL who likes to do stuff his own way and keep everyone hanging. I think SIL would prefer to come here as there's less effort for her.

Sigh. I'll prep the order for how much we want for just us / the whole lot of them, and at least I can order a few bits like the sausages and gammon, then add the turkey when we know.

Agree EH we are going to order our fish today. Must be ordered six weeks before. Fish platter. DH went three weeks before after I kept asking him to make a decision and she laughed at him. I was secretly pleased as it proved my point.

Ordering turkey today too. Gammon we pick up about two weeks before and they always have plenty. I prefer to pick that out. Veg is a veggie box and order two weeks before for Christmas otherwise order Monday for Wednesday delivery.

Give them a deadline. I would say this Friday. Otherwise order one large enough and freeze leftovers.

I'm like you OP - want to sort it as early as possible. I think it really matters where you buy your meat from, so I would want to get in and order something good quality from a local and ethical source.

I would just be honest, but in a friendly way - Hi X, we need to get our meat order in at Y butchers by Z date or it will be too late, so can you let us know by Sunday what your plan is?

If you still get no joy from that I would directly get PIL to confirm whether they are coming to you or not and then work from there, and assume that your BIL is not coming.

Hi all, thanks for all the input! Sounds like it’s us hosting for pil, sil and . We will go ahead and order, and look forward to Christmas!

Then order the following day, to give bil time to splutter no wait IM COOKING how dare you not wait upon my informing you at my leisure!!

@MRex what would you and your immediate family really like to do this Christmas?

Go ahead with that and order what you want. You now know you're the fall back plan for the PILS so remove the option.

As others have said, just text/ call him and say you really need to know by the end of the week as you will be ordering with your butcher.

To those saying it's odd/ strange to have to order this early, another week or so might still be fine, but if you want a full turkey from my local butcher you'd want to have your skates on. They only kill what has been ordered, maybe a handful extra. Big supermarket is about 40min drive away, I presume you'd still get a frozen one much closer to Christmas.

OP also if you do end up with extra, I did the first year, even thought I made another dinner and plenty of sandwiches out if it. Portion up parcels of turkey & ham and freeze them for a future Sunday dinner.

'Hi, we need to order the turkey, so please confirm by x date if you want to come to ours. If we haven't heard from you we'll assume you have other plans for Christmas Day and we'll see you at some other point over the festive season'

Send to the whole lot of them

@maddy68

Why do you need to know so early ?

I'd want to know just because I like to plan ahead

The food deadline is irrelevant to me, it's just wanting to know, especially when a large group is involved.

I'd tell them you are deciding to go ahead without them.

Have none of those saying it’s too early not read the news articles about potential shortages this Christmas? Including turkeys.

I read an article that there were going to be shortages but that Boris was going to save Xmas which was enough to send anyone into a blind panic so I ordered the turkey, ham etc. Plus bought a lot of the non perishable stuff.

All I need now is the fresh stuff.

Oh god this is why I hate Christmas tbh. One half of the family badgering to get the whole season pinned down months in advance including who is doing what nibbles on Christmas Eve/boxing day. The other half of the family wanting a little more flexibility in case other relatives need to be accommodated or whatever. No one's wrong but it's a nightmare. I'm in the too early camp because I hate thinking about Christmas in November and who knows what restrictions we might have to work around but I'd sigh and put my thinking cap on because I know leaving people hanging causes stress too (then no doubt cause offence because my mind reading skills have failed and whatever arbitrary answer I come up with is somehow wrong, or maybe that's just my family). Roll on Easter when it seems possible to rustle up a family meal with less than 2 months' notice.

@timeisnotaline

Hi all, thanks for all the input! Sounds like it’s us hosting for pil, sil and . We will go ahead and order, and look forward to Christmas! Then order the following day, to give bil time to splutter no wait IM COOKING how dare you not wait upon my informing you at my leisure!!

Hahaha, I like this one. Very tempting to say we'll cook for SIL and the kids but leave him out! Or even put him in; you didn't answer so chance over, I'm cooking for everyone, you suck it up and just arrive at 12 for gifts. I like him mostly, it's just this one thing of whenever we try to agree plans...