AIBU about no Christmas Day answer

[MRex]

We offered that we'll cook, or BIL can (he has insisted on previous years), or they can have just the PIL and we'll do something else. Suggested they could pop over Xmas Eve instead if they prefer. We can't order meat when we don't know if we are cooking for anything from 0 to 11 people. Or if we are going, what dish we need to order for. Two weeks and still they "are thinking about it". It seems really late to me for ordering, AIBU to just go ahead and order food assuming we have the PIL and other siblings but not them, or should we wait longer?

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule

You can tell who’s done the hosting for 10+ people and who hasn’t.

I’d be really irritated if someone was holding up my planning and ordering at this stage, it’s annoying to be in limbo with it for too long when you’re trying to sort out menus and such!

We ordered our turkey and gammon two weeks ago.

Not at all! You can purely tell who wants to be sorted by 8th Nov and who doesn't!

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule

That doesn’t actually make sense though...

I love Christmas. I am always relaxed and have the most wonderful time throughout the whole of December (I’m Danish and December is the Christmas month - it’s not just about a day or two). I am able to have that wonderful time to properly enjoy the season precisely because I do plan and I am organised. I never have to stress about anything. I also don’t turn it into any kind of exercise in martyrdom - I do exactly what I want and what makes me happy and I don’t worry about whether or not other people want to create drama.

Me too. I love going into December knowing everything is prepared so that I can spend the month happy and relaxed, seeing friends, long winters walks, church etc. I completely understand why someone would want to order food in November and in any event at some places you have to.

OP, in your shoes I would either text your SIL and say you need to get your order in on Wednesday so can they please let you know by then, or just buy on the basis that everyone is coming and if necessary have lots of leftovers.

@TulipsTwoLips I did add a caveat that it’s to do with who orders their meat from butchers/farm shops etc.

Of course it’s perfectly possible to cater to 10+ without thinking about it until two weeks before.

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule

That doesn’t actually make sense though...

I love Christmas. I am always relaxed and have the most wonderful time throughout the whole of December (I’m Danish and December is the Christmas month - it’s not just about a day or two). I am able to have that wonderful time to properly enjoy the season precisely because I do plan and I am organised. I never have to stress about anything. I also don’t turn it into any kind of exercise in martyrdom - I do exactly what I want and what makes me happy and I don’t worry about whether or not other people want to create drama.

That's exactly me, I like to be organised in advance so that I can go to events and spend time on things like putting up the tree with DS rather than dashing around like a lunatic trying to locate stuff with the hordes.

Order it. If there's too much food between you all put some in the freezer.

I’d text and give a deadline of the end of the week so that you can order food. It’s perfectly reasonable to not want to decide yet but as the host it’s also perfectly reasonable to put a deadline on the invitation.

@dunkaccino

Have you ever tried a frozen turkey? We got one when ours unexpectedly died and it was amazing. We buy frozen every year now.

Same here - pleasantly surprised and wouldn't order anything else!

Our local butcher advertises for ordering Christmas meat and sundries in early October and after that there is no chance to get meat ready for Christmas from him. Been this way for decades as it means he doesn't have any wasted produce before closing for a week over the Christmas period. You need an answer.

TELL them what you are planning and that you need to know if they would like to join you by X deadline.

If you get no response, you've been clear and its tough shit.

Just stick to your plan.

Honestly, if you need to know now (for whatever reason - and I think its legitimate and fair to sort in early November), spell it out bluntly and then get on with it without all the mucking about.

And yes I have already ordered my meat. If for some unforeseen reason things change and we had more guests before Christmas Day, we'd probably just get an alternative joint of meat (we've got beef - we'd possibly just buy a chicken or something) and have done with it.

People do like to make things far more difficult for themselves than it really needs to be.

Can you order assuming maximum number and then if plans change either cancel the order or freeze the meat and use it up over the following months.

Is your BIL my brother?

I wonder how many people saying it’s too early to think about Christmas are also the ones complaining that the santa train etc are fully booked 🤔

Tell them to decide by Friday , otherwise you will only be ordering food for you.

@dunkaccino

Have you ever tried a frozen turkey? We got one when ours unexpectedly died and it was amazing. We buy frozen every year now.

Your live Turkey died? Do you live on a farm?

We order from the local butcher and you can't just leave it to two weeks before. They sell very good quality meat and you won't get one of their turkeys without ordering well in advance.

I ordered two weeks ago for Christmas. A friend said they were already nearing capacity for certain sizes.

@AmyDudley

Can you order assuming maximum number and then if plans change either cancel the order or freeze the meat and use it up over the following months.

I could actually only order a slightly smaller bird than I would for the number as the larger ones were sold out, but I think it'll be ok with other meats if they decide to come here. .

@TuftyMarmoset

I wonder how many people saying it’s too early to think about Christmas are also the ones complaining that the santa train etc are fully booked 🤔

I can't wait for the 'theres no pigs in blankets' threads. They are going to be epic this year. Looking forward to them.

Yes you could supplement with duck, pork joint, beef joint, anything really! I love a dinner with a good mix of things.

I’d buy more rather than less, I always buy frozen turkeys ( butchers too expensive, sorry), and living on my own, nearly always cook a crown for leftovers!
My turn to cook last year, and my guests has to collect theirs

@MRex

We offered that we'll cook, or BIL can (he has insisted on previous years), or they can have just the PIL and we'll do something else. Suggested they could pop over Xmas Eve instead if they prefer. We can't order meat when we don't know if we are cooking for anything from 0 to 11 people. Or if we are going, what dish we need to order for. Two weeks and still they "are thinking about it". It seems really late to me for ordering, AIBU to just go ahead and order food assuming we have the PIL and other siblings but not them, or should we wait longer?

You can really tell who organises Christmas for big groups and who doesn't. There's some really crappy comments here when OP is just trying to be organised. Maybe some jealousy that everyone isn't as organised as you, OP. I think it's rude of them to not respond at any time but more so at Xmas when there's so much more to organise. Many butchers need orders in early and I completely agree with you, OP, to have it done nice and early so you can ensure you have the food you want. I would personally find it too stressful leaving it until last minute

If they work, it could be down to not having a Christmas rota. My MIL always wants to know, but every year we'll apart from last year, that both myself and my partner, don't get our Christmas rota till at least the start of December, so we don't know if we are working Christmas Eve or Boxing day (we work retail) I understand its frustrating, but if the don't know what they are working, then they cannot make plans. We tell her, we will let her know as soon as we know.
Or it could be they are checking with someone else and maybe they don't know there plans. My partner wants to vist his mum this year, but as I said it's hard to make plans, as we don't have a car so have to use public transport, which doesn't exist much around Christmas. Give them till December, they should know more by then.

Give them a firm date, telling them you need to solidify plans. Also tell them that you will assume they are NOT coming if you haven't heard by that date, and will make other plans.

I think it's a bit early, myself, but everyone has their own timeline for these things.

Tell them that you don't hear by tomorrow 12 midday you will assume you're not cooking and order meat accordingly.

I have all my meat already too by the way, got my turkey last month.

It's only early November..there are weeks to go before Christmas day.