AIBU about no Christmas Day answer

[MRex]

We offered that we'll cook, or BIL can (he has insisted on previous years), or they can have just the PIL and we'll do something else. Suggested they could pop over Xmas Eve instead if they prefer. We can't order meat when we don't know if we are cooking for anything from 0 to 11 people. Or if we are going, what dish we need to order for. Two weeks and still they "are thinking about it". It seems really late to me for ordering, AIBU to just go ahead and order food assuming we have the PIL and other siblings but not them, or should we wait longer?

I’ve already ordered my turkey . I’m getting from a farm which specialises in free range turkey so there are a finite number and they book up quickly. All our local butchers are taking orders at the moment.

I would probably order enough to feed everyone (because I like having extra anyway) and then just not worry about the details anymore until it gets closer to Christmas.

Give him a deadline and a consequence.
'Please let us know by xx date. If we don't hear by then, we'll have to assume Xmas is just us and won't order/plan for visitors.'
Or just phone him up and kick him up the arse?

you know its' the 8th November not the 8th December right?

[quote MRex]@Whinge - they are also waiting for BIL to say what to do. If he isn't having them they are coming here. 5 extra (but only 4 really eating, one is very little).[/quote]
So you're second best? I'd be really pissed off if I invited my PIL but they decided to wait and see if they get another offer before confirming their acceptance to my invitation. Tell the lot of them that as they can't make up their minds that your offer is now off the table and you/Dh and your dc are having your own day together.

@Handsnotwands

you know its' the 8th November not the 8th December right?

Our local butcher will offer pork chippolatas, chicken and perhaps a pheasant by 8th December. We could get non-organic frozen supermarket turkey, but we all prefer a good quality juicy turkey, so would like the certainty of ordering from the butcher.

@Notaroadrunner - no, we haven't asked them to choose. It's better for us to be flexible so they see all the grandchildren rather than risk them missing out by creating rival events. Their preference is of course for everyone to eat together, but as they aren't cooking and their children are adults they can't demand that.

Have you ever tried a frozen turkey? We got one when ours unexpectedly died and it was amazing. We buy frozen every year now.

I'm not saying that they demand anything, I'm saying they should either accept your offer graciously or just decline - not leave you hanging because they are waiting to see if bil offers to cook for them. I really wouldn't tolerate such bad manners from my own parents let alone my inlaws. They are as bad as bil.

@dunkaccino

Have you ever tried a frozen turkey? We got one when ours unexpectedly died and it was amazing. We buy frozen every year now.

I was rather hoping everyone's turkey had died prior to cooking. ☹️

It's the 8th of November! Meat will be available the week before Christmas.

This is ridiculous. Just organise with SIL (who sounds as exasperated as you are) and let stupid BIL bluster. Let her tell him that he had time to sort his shit out, but he was playing power games and lost his chance.

@Justilou1

This is ridiculous. Just organise with SIL (who sounds as exasperated as you are) and let stupid BIL bluster. Let her tell him that he had time to sort his shit out, but he was playing power games and lost his chance.

Came back to say exactly this.

Only 4 extra? I'd just order for everyone and plan that may be freezing leftovers .

Right, decision made. I've ordered everything including a little bird; we will have lots of leftovers or there will be plenty with gammon, sausages etc. It's only really the turkey that's an issue, but we can always offer it to a less organised neighbour or freeze it. I've told MIL the plan is to buy in then freeze extra food if BIL decides to cook so she's stopped fretting, I've told DH to stop chasing BIL and we'll just leave it all hanging.

I've always managed to get whatever I want that's fresh a couple of days before without ordering. However, if ordering works for you, then I'd just make the decision it's you at home, check if PIL want to come on that basis - if they don't know, tell them you're putting in your xmas order this week and will go with the flow. If you haven't heard by Friday from PIL&BIL, order and tell them you've put your xmas order in based on xmas at home.

It seems early to order to me.

But I would:

• order a 13- 14lb turkey if I had to order now
• ask my guests to let me know by xx date.

Is there usually drama around BIL hosting?

My SIL seems to both resent and enjoy hosting, in that there is a lot of moaning, and us giving her the options OP has given her BIL would get her back up because she would resent other people making suggestions.

I do feel some sympathy as she does all the work when they host. However, my DH is always happy to host Christmas as are others so there is no onus on her to host.

To those saying there's lots of time, both butchers in our town have stopped taking orfers for turkeys and geese.

Threads like this make me very glad I avoid Christmas for the most part. Honestly, Christmas is meant to be a time to relax and have fun, not an exercise in project planning.

2 weeks is plenty of time to think about it so I’d send a message saying something along the lines of “we’re assuming you’re doing your own thing for Christmas” and I’d go about ordering what you want for yourself. If that wasn’t what he had in mind then tough shit.

That doesn’t actually make sense though...

I love Christmas. I am always relaxed and have the most wonderful time throughout the whole of December (I’m Danish and December is the Christmas month - it’s not just about a day or two). I am able to have that wonderful time to properly enjoy the season precisely because I do plan and I am organised. I never have to stress about anything. I also don’t turn it into any kind of exercise in martyrdom - I do exactly what I want and what makes me happy and I don’t worry about whether or not other people want to create drama.

OP, another one who thinks it is a long time until Christmas. I can't really understand why you're even giving it any headspace at the moment.

Above to @FangsForTheMemory.

It’s also quite obvious that in some families there are more logistical constraints which need to be sorted early enough to accommodate everyone. The bigger the family the harder it is unless they all live round the corner from each other.

@MrTulkingIsFeelingHorny

OP, another one who thinks it is a long time until Christmas. I can't really understand why you're even giving it any headspace at the moment.

It been explained several times...If you order your meat these things have to be thought about early on.

And OP has already said that she’s gone ahead and done so and isn’t going to give it any more headspace.