If you're off with sick, is it crass to flood SM with pictures of what you're up to?

[MakeMineALarge1]

Just that really.

I work in a place that currently has a high incidents of stress and we have up to 20 people off with work related stress.

Now I get going for walks, out for lunch etc, can be great for you, but is it crass to put pictures on of all your weekends away, decorating your house and nights out?

I sort of see what you mean MrsTophamHat. I guess my default views that other people's posting habits are their habits so anything more than minor irritation is probably my problem rather than theirs.

The way I see it is if someone is doing something they shouldn't it will be picked up on if they're posting all over social media, and if it's something that's fitting with their reason for being off then it's not really my business.

FWIW I felt so awful and worried about people judging me during an extended period of absence that I would avoid local pharmacies and supermarkets near work just in case people thought I looked 'too well' to be off. Later in my absence I realised that any judgements said more about the judgers than me and stopped. If someone seeing me in a park with a relative is enough for them to bitch, or they felt the need to complain that I'd posted about how nice it was getting out with DC for a morning then I decided they were welcome to heir bitterness.

I can totally see this from both sides. Stress can be awful - absolutely debilitating. However, no employer can let this go on indefinitely. You'd welcome your employees doing what they could to get well but you wouldn't expect to fund an extended holiday. Without a reasonable prospect of return, you'd eventually be looking at capability to fulfil the role, occ health involvement and so on.

It's never gone down well with colleagues when people do this - invariably they try to involve leadership when they see this stuff. It doesn't sit well with them when they're covering work.

One situation I was involved in was the equivalent of an employee being off sick with a broken leg being pictured on a ski black run on sm. that was a bit daft.

Photos on social media generally are rubbish, I post on social media because it's the easiest way to keep in touch with various members of family who live far away. The day before I attempted suicide I posted a picture of me and my eldest daughter smiling at the camera in the snow after a snowball fight. Just because I posted a happy picture doesn't mean I wasn't severely depressed. I don't think anyone can judge whether a person is well enough to be at work other than that person and their doctor because frankly you have no idea.

Two different points:

1. I do a lot to do with mental health, and those who post selfie’s are the ones you need to check in on.

1. I had a breakdown last year. A proper, full on, couldn’t work for nearly 9 months breakdown… it’s why I now fo MH things (to say exactly what is outing.) I was super lucky that being self employed I had savings, and DH was supportive. I spent my time laughing, socialising, exercising. More than I had in the 3 years leading up to it. Sometimes you need to do stuff to get better. I think a lot of women are made to feel bad for doing stuff for themselves.

My partner is off sick with stress. He waits until I get home and goes out for a walk with a torch in the pitch black. I have told him he needs to get out in the day but he is worried about someone seeing him outside.

When I was signed off with stress I used to wait until it was dark before I went out too. The darkness and isolation made me suicidal and it also made my recovery take longer.

Another point is that some mental illness comes with highs as well as depressive episodes, just because someone is posting about having the best time of their life and feeling indestructible drinking copious amounts of alcohol and staying out late, taking loads of selfies etc. definatley does not mean they are fit to be at work. I'm not saying that piss takers don't exist but it is unusual for a colleague to know the ins and outs of your illness.

The bottom line is, If you don’t like what you’re seeing on anyone’s social media then unfollow them. Just like you’d stop reading a book if you didn’t like what you were reading.

@KevinTheKoala

Another point is that some mental illness comes with highs as well as depressive episodes, just because someone is posting about having the best time of their life and feeling indestructible drinking copious amounts of alcohol and staying out late, taking loads of selfies etc. definatley does not mean they are fit to be at work. I'm not saying that piss takers don't exist but it is unusual for a colleague to know the ins and outs of your illness.

This is very true. Any time off for mental health at my workplace was always referred to as stress. One good friend that I worked with had time off for his bipolar a lot, but everyone else we worked with just thought it was stress.

I don't doubt that people become so stressed that they are ill, or become unfit to work. But I'm sure that there are also people who swing the lead and take advantage of sick pay policies.

It's annoying because I think malingerers make employers and colleagues suspicious, and less likely to trust people with genuine mental illness.

For that reason, I have a personal policy that I refuse to go off sick because of stress at work. I just quit.

I was trying to explain to another altar server the other day, that is she is off sick because she has a sore arm. (From her Covid jab ) Then she really shouldn't be serving. She didn't get it at all. She said God would understand. I said that God might, but your employer won't!

One of my colleagues is off sick and posted a picture of her out with friends in a pub. We were not impressed. I'm very careful about what I post if off sick. Although it's fairly obvious that I'm not fit for work as I'm on crutches.

I don’t understand long term stress. Surely if the job is causing you so much stress that you can’t even think about working there for 6 months than surely you resign and find another job that won’t cause the same stress!
Why should they do that if they can sit at home and be paid for their 'stress'? In a world where everyone has 'anxiety' and it is so easy to be signed off, what else can you expect 🤷‍♀️

Nah, no stigma about mental illness here…

@Toddlerteaplease

One of my colleagues is off sick and posted a picture of her out with friends in a pub. We were not impressed. I'm very careful about what I post if off sick. Although it's fairly obvious that I'm not fit for work as I'm on crutches.

What is she supposed to be off sick with ..?

@CJsGoldfish

I don’t understand long term stress. Surely if the job is causing you so much stress that you can’t even think about working there for 6 months than surely you resign and find another job that won’t cause the same stress! Why should they do that if they can sit at home and be paid for their 'stress'? In a world where everyone has 'anxiety' and it is so easy to be signed off, what else can you expect 🤷‍♀️

Yeah if I'm being honest I don't quite get it either. Depression, anxiety etc etc yes, being off with stress due to a collision of personal and workplace issues yes.

But if a workplace is toxic and that is the SOLE source of said stress how is any recovery going to make a difference if the person is going to go straight back to the workplace - what will they do, then go off sick again?

I understand that people have bills to pay and can't simply resign and in some situations going off sick may be the most 'rational' choice for the employee but being signed off sick in this specific circumstance makes no sense. As the cure is removing the stressor - the workplace!

I love how some people think it's so simple that you would one day think. Oh I'm too stressed so I'll just go get another job.

I'm sure there are malingerers however people who end up off sick with work place stress have often been struggling on trying to be okay for months when they just can't take it anymore. For me it was the physical issues brought about by the stress that were the final straw. I couldn't swallow properly as my throat was tensed up, I couldn't concentrate or focus, i had heart palpitations, panic attacks, was losing my hair, couldn't sleep or relax, was either nauseous or had an upset stomach all the time, I would pace the house to the tune of thousands and thousands of steps. I wasn't exactly thinking straight or employable at that point. I phoned my GP and was signed off. It took months for the physical symptoms to decline. In retrospect, I think I had a full breakdown. I'd usually get signed off for a few weeks at a time and the stress of having to keep going back to the GP was also really bad. However, i could still manage to cook a meal, do some washing and ironing and run a hoover about the place most days. Maybe I wasn't sick enough in some posters views.

However, i'm back at work now and I still genuinely don't know if I can ever do my job properly again. I've said this to my employer but they want to try to work with me to see if I can get back to full strength because they want to keep me despite me being off for 5 months. They look at it that I've been working for 38 years (not all with them) and have an unblemished record in all ways and that they believe I still have a lot to offer. Not everyone is skiving but I'm realistic enough to realise that I'm also not a good prospect for another employer either. Thankfully my colleagues have been nothing but understanding and supportive.

But if a workplace is toxic and that is the SOLE source of said stress how is any recovery going to make a difference if the person is going to go straight back to the workplace - what will they do, then go off sick again?

I guess it depends on the workplace. We were short staffed, they were introducing a new way to work which sounded ok in theory but it was never going to work in practice and higher management wouldn't listen. We had constant IT issues which meant documents would get lost etc etc.

Coming back I had various assurances that I wasn't coming back into the same situation. They've recruited more, reduced workloads in general, abandoned the new way they were moving to, given me a phased return, reduced my responsibilities and got me working closely with someone else to basically relearn my job. I still struggle with concentration but can now watch tv programmes which I couldn't when I was off, I have low resilience and confidence.

As I say, they want to work with me to get me back to full strength and i've said I'm happy to try but can't guarantee anything. I won't go back off sick, I'm much more aware of what to watch out for so I'll never let myself get so ill again.

Until you've actually been in this position , you’ll never know what fresh hell it is.

Being signed off with stress doesn’t mean that you have to live like a bloody hermit. It doesn’t mean you can’t decorate / go out / see friends. It means you are signed off from the place that is causing you so much pain and upset, that you are unable to do your job.

Yes, there will always probably be a % that take the piss, but for those who are truly suffering stress, it isn’t fair to judge.

I would agree though that over posting on SM is not the right thing to do, but the genuine ones are entitled to live their life.

Sensible post Justwhy. Someone unthread said it was a public/private sector difference. It’s not.

I’ve been in the sane post in public and private sector. I work much harder in the public sector role for half the pay (location choice for me). Difference is having fixed budget and unaffordability of bringing in extra staff. Private sector business generates cash flow = more staff affordable.

I know someone off sick because her mother passed away on the ICU ward in the place she works a couple of months ago and she can’t deal with returning to her workplace. If I saw her going out/on holiday on SM I’d think it was bloody fabulous.

Nothing to do with anyone but line management, individual and GP.

Pie be more concerned as to why 20+ people are off work from stress than what ever a colleague has posted on SM!

This is why I always block people I work with on social media. I don't want them keeping tabs on me when I'm not at work.

Yes absolutely do fun things if it makes you feel better while off with stress or depression, but why the need to share on SM?!

'Nah, no stigma about mental illness here… '

But again it is not just about anxious or stressed people being off. I know someone who was off with a broken toe for 6 weeks yet was out and about having a great time, another with back ache for 3months but managed an overseas holiday plus weekends away. If you are incapacitated to such a degree you cannot work then it is not unreasonable to expect this would also impact on one's social life.

Yes absolutely do fun things if it makes you feel better while off with stress or depression, but why the need to share on SM?!
But why not?
If people are saying they have no issue with colleagues doing various things then why have an issue seeing that the colleague has done it?

I'm not one for posting lots on social media, but i can't see what the difference is between seeing a colleague in a cafe when off work and seeing a photo of a colleague in a cafe when off work.

Cybically I doubt whether a lot of posters who say they don't mind if people with mental health issues do things genuinely don't mind or whether it's the usual sly I don't mind that they see their friends, but... I don't mind if they're out doing something with their children but... I don't mind if they do X, but...