I don't want to invite SIL to DD's birthday tea

[babybrain77]

I'm pretty sure I'm BU and need to get over myself.

DD turns 1 next month. We had her christening recently with a big party which she did great at but was quite overwhelming. For her birthday, I just want to do a normal small tea with cake, immediate family and her godparents (who have a daughter a similar age).

SIL has met DD once (her choice, she is not interested). She didn't come to her Christening because she had a friend's party the night before (it would have been possible to come after if she'd wanted to).

I don't want to invite her and her partner to the tea. DH thinks if we're inviting my sister (who we see at least once a week), we have to invite his. I know it's really petty and childish, but I feel if she couldn't be bothered to come to the christening, I dont want to host her for the birthday. AIBU?

Of course you’re being unreasonable. If it’s immediate family only and your sister gets an invite, then so does his. Unless your intention is to purposely create a rift?

Rise above, be the bigger person and invite. Would she even come? She might not anyway.

@SoniaFouler I know it's pathetic, but I found her absence at the last event hurtful so I don't even want to invite her for this one

Very unreasonable. How can two people being there really have that much of an impact on you? Let your partner invite his sister before he starts resenting you.

This will lead to so much family angst that it’s just not worth it. If you’re inviting your sister, dh’s sister gets invited too. She may well not come.

I can understand what you're saying and why you feel this way. Do you think dh sister would go if you invited her? Would your dh possibly invite her regardless of wat you say since your sister is invited? Is your dh close to his sister?

It is a bit pathetic tbh.

Just deal with it. Your DH would like his sister to be invited to his daughter's first party. Invite her, be prepared for a knock back, you know what she's like, but be the bigger person here.

This is not worth arguing with your husband about, really it's not. Chances are she wont come. Try not to take her lack of interest personally because I'm sure it isnt personal. She's just not at a stage of life when she is interested in small children (and may never be).

Very immature

I'm pretty sure I'm BU and need to get over myself.

I agree 😄😄

Yeah you need to get over it

Yabu, very unreasonable. Invite her if she doesn’t come that’s fine.
Does she have children? Or does she want children? Maybe the christening was too hard.

Sounds like she prob won't come anyway so just invite her.

How long would your plan to not invite your sil to things for on for?

If your husband wants to invite his sister he should be able to. It’s his family. Let it go.

Very immature. Invite her. If she shows up itll be for your daughter. Also very rude to think your sister can come but his cant

Why is it your decision whether your dh invites his sister or not? Would you be happy with him telling you not to invite yours to something?

You christened your child. Perhaps some Christian forgiveness and turn the other cheek.

Get DH to invite her if he feels so strongly. Like a lot of men (sorry!) He'll probably forget or see it it a woman's job anyway. Then you won't be in the wrong.

Honestly? Just invite her. Sounds like she probably won’t bother to show up anyway. If she does it’s just one extra person, who is your child’s aunty.

Just invite her. She probably won't come.

These are just the responses I expected and needed. I'm the house organiser, it'll be me sending out the (very casual!) invite. She probably won't come anyway. I find it hard not to take personally that she has zero interest in them but still wants to be included when it suits her.

Are you my sil? It's childish and immature behaviour my sils kicked off because she's decided to host nephews birthday party a week early than his birthday and it landed on my dh birthday which we made plans more so as last year we were in lockdown and I get one day off a week. Apparently nephews party was more important than dh birthday plans She's caused massive issues and spoke to me appalling. People don't necessarily view parties as huge events but you can extend an invite.

Lots of people feel uncomfortable attending christenings etc, not everyone sees meaning in them or wants to go to a Church. Birthdays at your home are a bit different. You need to do the right thing and invite her.

Just tell your husband to Invite her if it's so hard for you. He'll send a text or make a phone call. All done.