I don't want to invite SIL to DD's birthday tea

[babybrain77]

I'm pretty sure I'm BU and need to get over myself.

DD turns 1 next month. We had her christening recently with a big party which she did great at but was quite overwhelming. For her birthday, I just want to do a normal small tea with cake, immediate family and her godparents (who have a daughter a similar age).

SIL has met DD once (her choice, she is not interested). She didn't come to her Christening because she had a friend's party the night before (it would have been possible to come after if she'd wanted to).

I don't want to invite her and her partner to the tea. DH thinks if we're inviting my sister (who we see at least once a week), we have to invite his. I know it's really petty and childish, but I feel if she couldn't be bothered to come to the christening, I dont want to host her for the birthday. AIBU?

Your husband should be putting your feelings first, not his sister’s

I would have thought that works both ways. Excluding her husband's sister because of of her petty dislike is not the stuff of family life.

My sister has really got up my goat on occasions but she is my sister.

@babybrain77 for what it's worth, this would annoy me too and I'd be feeling petty.
However you have to invite her, you already know that, what you DONT have to do is make any efforts for her with DD. If she wants to know her she will, if not, her loss

My family have always shown a lot more interest (and are a lot more helpful) than DH's, so treating them the exact same doesn't make sense to me.

Nonsense. His family came and they were apparently wrong to do so. You have no intention of being “fair” to them.

She can pick and choose actually. Get over yourself.

@BoredZelda his family came not when they were invited (at the hospital) but a few hours after we had arrived home (pre-7am so it was convenient for work). That's a whole different thread and not relevant for this particular question. I only mentioned it because a PP suggested I sounded like I was unfair in that type of situation, when in fact I have bent over backwards to accommodate.

@NewlyGranny

Invite her. They won't come, anyway!

You get the moral high ground without making any effort. 😉

Exactly. If the SIL is the type to enjoy a bit of drama, not being invited gives her the perfect ammunition. If you invite her and she doesn’t bother, no one can criticise you.

My family have always shown a lot more interest (and are a lot more helpful) than DH's, so treating them the exact same doesn't make sense to me.

This makes it sound like you think the invitation is some kind of reward for showing more interest - or more pertinently, the lack of one for your SIL is some kind of punishment or reprisal for missing the christening. What makes you think that, if she wasn’t interested in the christening, she’ll be interested in the party?

To be honest, I think the only person who will suffer if you don’t invite her is your husband. She hasn’t expressed any interest in coming AFAIK - but he has said he wants to invite her. If he doesn’t, it’s likely to be him getting it in the neck from his parents about it.

Nope I wouldn't be inviting her

when in fact I have bent over backwards to accommodate.

Someone who bends over backwards doesn’t refuse an invite just because someone didn’t turn up to a christening.

@pictish

She can pick and choose actually. Get over yourself.

Yep

@babybrain77

These are just the responses I expected and needed. I'm the house organiser, it'll be me sending out the (very casual!) invite. She probably won't come anyway. I find it hard not to take personally that she has zero interest in them but still wants to be included when it suits her.

By casual invite do you mean a text that will take all of 30 seconds. Your sister is invited His sister should be invited too If she doesn't come that's up to her

By casual invite do you mean a text that will take all of 30 seconds.
Your sister is invited
His sister should be invited too
If she doesn't come that's up to her

I doubt the text would take as long as she took to write this post.