To not want to take my daughter to a house where someone has a criminal conviction

[Sofasogooood]

I’ll try and keep this short (changing names to stop outing)

I have a childhood friend Jane, she has a 1 year old son. She lives with her mum and her step dad in the house with the little one.

I have a DD who’s 8 months so when we can Jane and I would meet up in her mums house for play dates with the kids - neither of us drive and neither does janes mum, however my mum drives and happens to be best friends with janes mum so it’s always been lovely the four of us with the kids.

Recently Janes brother Adam has moved back to the family home. He was living with his dad but was kicked out after the police turned up at his dads house and booted the door in with a search warrant for drugs.

Fast forward and Adam was pulled over on a ‘road trip’ with friends and subsequently was found to be in possession of drugs, he was charged and convicted had to pay multiple fines and I believe has a suspended sentence (can’t be too sure) and now has a criminal record for drugs,

Because of this I don’t want to bring my daughter over to Janes anymore. I just don’t feel comfortable with her being around him.

If it was a ‘fallen in with the wrong crowd but he’s usually so good’ then I’d be more understanding but this has been going on for years and until this point he was living in his dads so I never saw him anyway…

He has stashed drugs in his mothers house that his step dad found. His step dad phoned the police.

His mum has had to pay off drug dealers to stop him getting a beating (after the one they already gave him)

He’s constantly asking his mum and sister for money.

And he lied to an ex girlfriend, telling her his mum had cancer in an attempt to get her back.

Jane is a good friend and so is her mum, but am I being unreasonable to not want to bring my daughter over to their house anymore now that Janes brother is there too?

@Chessie678

Unlock are certainly talking about separate people rather than number of offences and it’s a fairly widely quoted stat so probably has some basis to it. I can’t find a government source for that number but did find that there were 1.37m prosecutions in 2019 of which 87% were convicted. In the US around a third of men have a criminal record.

The op has her reasons for not wanting to go to this house in any case but I was just trying to make the point that criminal convictions are more common than most people think and most people probably know several people with one.

If you are counting traffic infractions, that stat for American men may well be true. 8% of the US population have a felony conviction.

The comment that 1/3 of American Men have a criminal record is really misleading. “Criminal record” doesn’t mean anything. I’m sure I have one for parking tickets not paid on time. But I’m not a convicted drug felon.

www.politifact.com/factchecks/2017/aug/18/andrew-cuomo/yes-one-three-us-adults-have-criminal-record/

Also, the OP just worded her title poorly. Would you take your child to a home of an active drug user who associates with drug dealers is staying? That is the question.

This is difficult as even with the info you have provided it’s hard to get a proper assessment of the situation on Mumsnet. But I get you are looking for peoples thoughts. You will have the best gauge on this, not the likes of us who don’t know the full story or get a ‘feel’ for the situation.
In a nutshell, if you feel there is any potential risk to your child then don’t do it.

Personally I wouldn’t.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I wouldn’t want to go there any more either. Irrespective of whether I had a child or not actually.

It’s absolutely fine to steer clear of people you don’t feel comfortable around.