Feeling guilty for getting my cat neutered

[Sammy900]

Hey

Just wondering what other peoples views are and if I'm overthinking it or being unreasonable? I just want different opinions, experiences really so I can weigh up both sides....

Today our handsome boy cat went to the vets and was neutered and I've never felt so ethically uneasy and awful about making a decision for a pet. I feel like I've taken away his right to reproduce :(

Everyone keeps telling me it's for the best, he will be less likely to get into fights and be exposed to other illnesses from that, he won't spray around the house. We have two cats a boy and girl and they are brother and sister so it would be a whole load of wrongness later on ....

I just feel so uncomfortable about it, so much that I don't want anymore male pets now that I have to face this decision for. I love my pets and I suppose in some ways, further down the line of the argument it's unfair/restrictive to prevent anything from living a wild and free life.

I guess what I'm seeking is to weigh it all up and get my thoughts in the right frame and hopefully come to the conclusion that it WAS the best decision....any thoughts or experiences of a similar vein ? un-neutered pets that were a nightmare?

What does everyone else think?

It’s better to get them done. My two cats are both done, and my elder cat was from his mother’s TWENTIETH litter - I mean it’s just not on. Think how many cats she alone would have produced!

Obligatory kitten pic

Want to do what's best for your cat? Look up pyometra. Then tell me if it's worth putting your poor female cat through that just because you think it's 'ethical' to allow her a litter.
So fed up of bloody stupid back street breeders who have no idea what they're doing. Get your bloody cat spayed ASAP.
And listen to @thecatneuterer, nobody knows better than she does.

Oh, I can see that you have moved on past the idea of letting her be impregnated at random.

But to the idea of leaving her intact, and maybe keeping her in or arranging for her to be bred?

If you keep her intact and don't breed her, she will undergo considerable distress. Being in season is uncomfortable and comes with a frantic, blind, urgent drive to escape to where she can be mated. And cats aren't rational like we are--they don't know what's wrong or why they suddenly feel different. Their mums didn't sit down and have a period chat with them. The cry and cry and cry. Meanwhile every male cat within miles can smell her when you open a door or window. They roam, they fight, and get run over trying to find her. And after all that, she'll usually get to die of reproductive or mammary cancer.

If you do breed her, it's not something that you "allow" her to do. Her body doesn't give her a choice in the matter. So her hormones will force her to undergo painful penetration and birth without anaesthesia.

The thing is that animals aren't designed for a long life in the wild. They just pass on genes and die-- that's how nature works. When we take them on as pets, we artificially extend their lifespan and allow them to live in comfort, which is not consistent with nature. Part of the way we do that is by removing the biological imperative to breed. (And rest assured, it is an imperative. There isn't a choice. There aren't intact animals roaming about the place making a conscious decision to not reproduce.)

I haven’t RTFT but incase someone hasn’t already posted this perspective… a local cat protection page posted a picture on FB of a poor female cat stuck in a tree terrified - she was unspayed. I kid you not there were about 6 male cats sat waiting under the tree. Waiting for her to have no choice but to come down. The post was very honest that she would be set upon in the most unimaginably cruel way by all of those male cats as soon as she had no choice left but to come down. Would you like your lovely cat to go through that? Perhaps that changes the perspective for you

@lljkk

I never felt bad about sex or reproduction deprivation. Cats don't enjoy their fertility.

We all felt bad about our kittens being unable to groom or play while coned afterwards. They were fairly miserable. One of them became quite withdrawn while coned. Beyond the initial hour of how stressful they found wearing cones, they struggled to see so couldn't jump or run around. Even walking around challenged them. Any play was difficult for one & the other refused to even try to play. Technically being spayed comes under "non-essential" surgery so I had a gut "not strictly necessary" feeling about it. No way would I consider not spaying them, but it was uncomfortable seeing how unhappy they were while coned.

OP is lucky -- boys recover faster.

Tiny cat being unspayed -- our vets want cats to reach 2kg before being spayed. Some girl cats won't hit 2kg before 6months.

Don’t use a cone. A body suit is the way to go as it’s so much kinder for the cat. Mine still felt pretty miserable but at least had perherial vision and her whiskers were free

Don't forget there are actually health benefits to early spaying too - your female cat will be at a lower risk of mammary gland cancer later on if she is spayed ideally before her first season. Unneutered female cats are also at risk of developing pyometra, a really serious infection that can quickly kill.

Giving birth is also a risk.

And if you are thinking about the ethics of making the choice for her, let's imagine she would actually choose to be spayed for her future health. I just see it as a similar choice we would make for our children to keep them safe and healthy. Our pets can't choose for themselves either so we need to make the choice for them with the wisdom of information available to help us.

I have to say- some posters here seem to think slaying a female cat means she won’t be penetrated and saves her from male toms.
Cats still have sex - esp if there is an unnutered male in the area. it just won’t result in babies!

Spaying not slaying!

We tried to make some body suits but didn't have right materials.
We got away with only 4 full days in cones, thank goodness.

One of them had a long stitch (=white thread, maybe 1" long) come out of the spay wound other night, though. Eek. Spaying was > 2 weeks ago. No other signs of anything that shouldn't happen, at least.

I felt the same big it is the right course of action

True, Toms will still mount a spayed female. Or just about anything. I had a rescue who had been neutered too late, and I had to be careful not to leave my arms out of the bedding. Otherwise I'd wake up with him biting on and trying to mate my arm 🙄.

I really wouldn't worry about interference with nature OP. You're interfering with nature having domestic animals in the first place, really. So if you're making that choice, the onus is on you to make the decisions that best promote their welfare.

@Sammy900

NataliaSerene

OMG Thank you!! I'm not coming from a bad place, I mean well..I'm actually thinking out of the box and what my pet would feel like / is best for them

My MIL's labrador would like to eat 24/7 so going on what your pet would feel like etc...... is bullshit.

Responsible owners get their pets neutered. It isn't kinder to let them have a litter/be able to have sex. They have sex for animal urges not cos its something fun to do like humans. They won't miss anything. You will have healthier cats, the risk of testicular cancer is reduced to zero for your male cat. The risk of Prostate disease will be greatly reduced. The male cat will not wander as far or get in so many fights etc...... you are doing it for the best welfare of your cat.

Please also get your female done ASAP. If she went and got pregnant by a random tom cat now she could die during the birth as she is too small. The risks of female cancers are greatly reduced in spayed females such as cervical or ovarian cancer.

Your cats will live a longer and healthier life if you take out your human emotions and get them neutered ASAP.

@Sammy900

Aberteifi

Shouldn't a good pet owner actually take all into consideration about what is best for them (not the owner).

Ffs a good pet owner would get their pets neutered.

You are not a good pet owner.

All you need to do now is go and volunteer at your local cat rescue for an hour & ask them this question. I promise that will make your decision easy peasy.

But seriously, it sounds like you shouldn't have pets, since you're not willing to be a responsible and kind owner to them - and not forcing them to breed & creating a whole gang of other cats that will also breed is unquestionably part of being a pet owner

@Sammy900
Which part of your domestic cat ownership is 'natural' ? Are you forcing them to primarily eat mice and rats they've caught themselves? Are you letting them get infectious diseases? If they get injured or fight will you let their wounds fester naturally?

I hope not.

Naturalness has very little to do with being a responsible pet owner or providing them with good welfare.
Good welfare means meeting their needs responsibly.
Spaying is a responsible thing to do to avoid the risks of reproduction, avoid contributing to the stray cat population and ensure that kittens don't end up in the wrong hands.
If you breed how will you ensure that all the kittens have responsible homes for the next 18-20 years?

Honestly your cat will have a longer, healthier and happier life neutered. Unneutered toms tend to have short, brutal existences by and large.

You wouldn’t be “letting” her have a litter. She wouldn’t be making a decision to have children. Mating could be so violent she would be injured. She wouldn’t have a choice. Multiple Toms could get at her. Some may have FIV or other issues. She will be in pain and could be scared giving birth. Worst case scenario you lose her during the birth.
We have two girls. They are spayed. They can go outside unmolested. They won’t ever have the health problems associated with being entire.
BUT I have two unspayed dogs. I can keep them away from other dogs when they are in season. I haven’t spayed them because of health concerns. They are giant dogs and spaying increases the risk of a certain bone cancer prevalent in the breed anyway.
So I have weighed up the benefits to the animal.

Is it even possible to keep an unneutered tomcat in your house as a pet? I think you'd change your mind pretty quickly if you tried it!

This thread is ridiculous. Any responsible cat owner knows pets should be neutered.

There was a thread on here years ago where someone had un-neutered pedigree Tom she kept as a housepet. She & many others insisted that the un-neutered Toms are easy to keep as indoor-only house pet cats.

She started MN thread to complain he went missing for weeks & when she got him back he was neutered -- she wanted to sue someone for (stud-fees) income she had lost.

How’s this OP- pros and cons, solely from your cat’s perspective

Pros of spaying:
No risk of unwanted kittens adding to the general population
No risk of pregnancy related illness (or death) for your cat (and risks are higher when they’re young/having a first litter too young)
Reduced risk of cancer
No hormonal distress when she’s in season

Cons of spaying
Very small risk of negative effects from the op
…that’s about it??

Trying to work out whether there are some potential negatives for your cat which you haven’t thought of is admirable, but the reason this thread is so one-sided is that there really aren’t any

You might have to make other similar decisions for your cats. If they are ill and in pain and nearing the end of their lives, you’ll need to decide what and how much treatment is right for them. This is similar in that the decision is all on you, making decisions about their body for them. But this ought to be a really really easy one- the benefits for your cats are huge- you are doing this for them.

I wish my boy had been neutered as a kitten. We got him from a rescue as an adult and the rescue neutered him. He's very cuddly with us but also loves to go out and fight other cats.
I've learnt now which cuts are a vet trip and which aren't. I also always keep any leftover painkillers so I can dose him up if he comes in on a night from a fight but can't get him to the vets until morning.

I think I voted wrong. I voted YANBU because I think its really important to get your pets neuered or spayed, but then I realised the AIBU is about should you feel guilty about it?

Apart from the obvious harm to cats health from having multiple pregnancies, male cat and dogs can suffer many illnesses and behavioural problems if they've not been neutered. My mum's beloved dog died of prostate cancer and suffered terribly, he would have been much less likely to get that if he had been neutered

You've given your wee boy a huge gift OP, he'll hopefully have a much longer, happier and healthier life now.