To say you’re absolutely entitled to get married on a Thursday BUT…

[0verth1inker]

You CANNOT be annoyed if people can’t come due to work/children etc etc?

DH is in a group of friends who seem to have set a precedent for Thursday weddings- we have 3 in the next year. We have 3 kids two in primary and one in private nursery. We can make two weddings work with a lot of effort (both our parents work full time and live over and hour away so finding a weekday babysitter to ferry 3 kids around from 2 setting, feed them, look after them overnight then take them all back the next day is a BIG ask).

However, we have had no end of grief from the wedding we can’t come. We are not making the effort, they came to our wedding (a Saturday), they’re v close friends. I feel bad but surely that’s the risk with weekday weddings? Not only that but they’ve all had stag/hen dos abroad so with the wedding each one is 4-5 days annual leave which just isn’t possible. We want to use our leave to spend with our children. Generally I don’t mind taking a day (often weddings are a Friday or we have to travel) for a wedding or long weekend for stag/hen but it’s just ridiculous.

NB: I don’t disagree or have an issue with Thursday weddings at all on principle. I understand it’s a lot cheaper and with covid rearrangements often the only option. I just think those getting married mid week need to adjust expectations and realise it’s a MASSIVE ask for those working with kids?!

@WingingIt101

Absolutely agree with you - I’ve always stood by “you should have the wedding you want / can afford etc, but you have to appreciate that not everyone will come for a multitude of reasons”

No kids? absolutely fine, but expect nos from people that can’t or won’t come without them
Abroad? Sounds lovely. But not everyone can afford the travel or time off
Weekday? See abroad.

Everyone is entitled to the wedding they want just as much as the invitees are entitled to say no for any reason they need or want to.

We have one next year that’s getting out of hand. Far enough that we have to go for two nights, DH is in the wedding party. No kids. I can’t get childcare I’m comfortable with so was going to rsvp yes for DH and no for me. No hard feelings. DH now upset that I’m showing him up not going.
Bride and groom don’t have to compromise on their plans. Childcare doesn’t have to compromise on their offer. DH doesn’t have to compromise on going to mates wedding. Only me. Either I go and feel upset about our childcare option or I don’t and upset DH.

Weddings are a bloody nightmare.

Don't go & compromise on your comfort with childcare, your DC safety is FAR more important than DH feeling 'shown up' (why he feels 'shown up' god only knows?! You could not go just because you don't want to & maybe, just maybe, I could understand him feeling a bit 'shown up', but not because you can't get satisfactory childcare!! Idiot)

[quote 0verth1inker]**@Blondeshavemorefun* @mrsm43s* I think we just maybe have different approaches. If someone said to me they were going to drive 2 hours on the wedding day then not drink, leave at 9 and drive 2 hours home alone I’d think they were slightly mad and reassure them if that was the only option of course they don’t need to come. I wouldn’t expect people to go out of their way to that extent.[/quote]
Was kind of with you until this! That is hardly putting your dh out very much!!
That's not much more than a commute to some people and not drinking at a wedding is hardly the end of the world...and 9pm is still a very decent time to be able to stay until if it means you get to see you friend get married and celebrate with them!!
For a close friend I would probably even do this if they threw a big special birthday bash....for their wedding I absolutely would (if annual leave allowed it etc)

@Sandinmyknickers

Well that's ok then, you'll be one of the friends attending the Thursday wedding - they won't have an empty venue

But just because you can, it doesn't follow that others can and it is presumptuous and entitled for B&G to get angry at working parents with school aged children who don't have the spare AL to do this . As OP said it is the THIRD Thursday wedding a distance away that year that is in school term time. They can't do it

They maybe can’t do it

But he can if he really really wants to

I’ve been known to drive 2hrs each way for a job. They are short term so I wouldn’t do it every day

But a wedding isn’t every day

But def would for a friends wedding

Plus sounds like op and dh have used their holiday to go on stag /hen do but won’t for the wedding

We had a mid week wedding abroad. However, ours was very much a case of this is what we're doing it would be nice if you could join us but fully understand if you can't.
We didn't make any demands and we wouldn't have been in the slightest bit offended if people couldn't make it.
People have a right to marry wherever and whenever but they must understand that while the wedding may be a priority for them it probably isn't for others