Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

[AmIInside]

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

I personally find kids that are endlessly either doing gymnastics or dancing like that beyond irritating. It’s very unrelaxing to be around and quite attention seeking. Sounds like your friend agreed. There is something in your posts that suggests you encourage it and even like the attention yourself …
As for her practicing for her Xmas show. Er she doesn’t need to be doing that at all times. At home and at her dance class rehearsals is plenty.

That said obvs the other girl throwing her to the ground is not on. But you’d be doing your daughter a favour by pointing out that this is very irritating for others (and may well be making her a figure of fun at school)

Both girls sound like brats if I'm honest. The constant dancing around people sounds totally annoying but the other girl shouldn't have thrown her to the ground and certainly shouldn't have shown her mum up like that.

I suspect there would be a register he’d have to sign for life and have his photo shared weekly around Facebook.

That was in response to @ancientgran!

"I'm pretty shocked by the responses here.

If I were you I'd totally support your little one! If she wants to dance let her dance! She might go pro one day!"

Jesus wept. The entitlement. She might go pro so let her behave however she likes wherever she likes? No.

My kid might go pro golfer but he's not dragging his clubs through Asda shouting "fore" and practicing his swing down the tinned veg aisle.

Wow the number of post full of “buts”

But! But! But!

Irrelevant. Violence is never the answer. End of. If friend can’t control her emotions she shouldn’t be allowed to practice such a dangerous sport for those around her.

Wow, some harsh judgments towards a 9y old.
It's 9 years, not 19, FFS!!!! This is not an adult we are talking about, it's a child with their heads in their own cloud, going from a Christmas play rehearsal.
OP, I think your friend's reaction was OK, she made her DD apologise and honestly, your DD should also apologise for the nasty remark too.
In future, don't let them be together if they are so intolerant of each other.

*peachesarenom

I'm pretty shocked by the responses here.

If I were you I'd totally support your little one! If she wants to dance let her dance! She might go pro one day!

I would avoid friend and friends DD for a while tbh. A long while!

Separately I would have a word with your DD about calling people ugly! Not nice! But understandable when you've just been assaulted.*

Is that not wrong way round? DancerD called karateD ugly, and the push happened?

@Brefugee

I'm also interested in people saying that teachers shouldn't be referring to children as annoying in front of other girls.

I'm imagining a scenario where they're in class, or maybe in PE, and the teacher wants to explain something and dancing-girl is just dancing around and the teacher says "stop that it's annoying". That wouldn't be ok? What if she was forcing other kids to get out of her way and they complained to the teacher that she was being annoying? can the teacher tell her to stop being annoying? what's the protocol here?

I’d agree with this, and also, the teacher may not have even used the word annoying. If it’s the case that the teacher repeatedly has to say to dancing DD “can you please stop dancing” its not beyond a 9 year old to conclude (rightly or wrongly) that the teacher finds it annoying, especially if that child also finds it annoying already. There’s no reason to think the teacher has done anything wrong.

Oh ffs BoredZelda over reaction, much?!

If not accepting children to be so physically violent is an over reaction, I'll wear that badge with pride

9 year kids are very different from adults!! They are learning about social boundaries, right and wrong etc. They won't be perfect (nor are any adults behaviour). Kids push and shove until they learn better ways to behave.

Did you miss the bit where I spoke about pushing and shoving being different to throwing?

At 9, they should be able to regulate their emotions to avoid throwing another child to the floor.

@AmIInside

No apologies, it ended with them both saying how much they hate each other. Her DD told her that nobody likes her, not even the teachers.

She’s probably right. Her teachers are probably sick to the back teeth of it. Tell her to stay still like the rest of us 😂

@TractorAndHeadphones

Also to add proper dance practice is focused and dedicated. Warm up, strategic practice of moves, cool down.

What she’s doing is moving not dancing. And the sign of someone who isn’t a polished dancer

That's literally hilarious she's a 9 year old kid in her own little world dancing away.

Not sure the OP will come back this thread is not going well for her DD. Although if I was the OP doubt I would either, let's hope she is having some quiet reflection on how her daughter comes across to other people.

@ChequerBoard @RachelHasThoseInBurgundy but the OP DD only started trying to deliberately annoy the other girl (or prove that she wouldn’t been stopped by their opinions) after the Friend told her how annoying she was and tried to get her mother to back her up and prove the mother found her annoying too. Before that we can assume the DD was just doing what she always does and dances.
Now maybe the friend has been telling the DD politely for weeks and has had enough we don’t know

Amazed at how many PP's want to control the natural expression of a 9 year old's body. I suppose you'd prefer girls to be marching in orderly lines, taking orders from others to restrict their movements, & being obedient, seemly, & meek.

If the friend's DD was annoyed by the dancing, she & her mum could have stopped walking alongside OP. No need to tell DD to stop annoying the other child, just remove the other child from the annoyance, surely? They were outdoors, all they needed to do was cross the road or hang back for a minute.

^And that would've caused more harm to the OP's daughter than it did.
If someone threw you over their shoulder you'd know about it. It's not something that's easy to do unless you're very well practiced. If the child was that well practiced, she'd also be disciplined enough to not use physical aggression.^

This is all speculation.

The OP specifically said karate. We have to take what she says as fact.

No we don’t. It’s quite possible OP said karate as a generic term for martial arts that she doesn’t know the difference between. It’s eupossible that DD has done it is doing mixed martial arts.

equally possible ^

@Clementineapples

This was on the way home, she’s practicing for a Christmas show

And? Nobody else practices the Christmas show while walking down the street, deliberately provoking her friend and ignoring her mum who said to walk normally.

Yup.

She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly

This would annoy me from any perspective - as a parent, as a teacher, as a neighbour, as a friend, as a shop assistant and as a dance teacher.

Your daughter is an annoying liability who appears to have no discipline or self-awareness. My neighbours son spins as part of his SEND needs but at 5 is aware that it's dangerous to do so in some situations and his mum has worked hard to come up with alternate calming techniques for him.

No, your dd should not have been thrown to the ground, but I can 100% appreciate how frustrated her friend is/was.

@SinisterBumFacedCat

Wow the number of post full of “buts”

But! But! But!

Irrelevant. Violence is never the answer. End of. If friend can’t control her emotions she shouldn’t be allowed to practice such a dangerous sport for those around her.

Exactly.

@Clementineapples

doesn’t give my DH the right to attack me.

You and DH are not bloody children though!

It doesn’t make a difference. The amount of people here saying the other DD was being annoyed so hell mend the OP DD is shocking.

No one on here is a child, all fully grown adults and yet are saying violence is acceptable as the DD was being annoying? That’s a pile of crap.

I bet a lot of posters would react differently to a child repeatedly dribbling a ball around their feet or karate chipping the air in front of them.

It's not about teaching daughters to be nice. It's standard social decency not to get in the way of your fellow pedestrians.

@TatianaBis

^And that would've caused more harm to the OP's daughter than it did. If someone threw you over their shoulder you'd know about it. It's not something that's easy to do unless you're very well practiced. If the child was that well practiced, she'd also be disciplined enough to not use physical aggression.^

This is all speculation.

The OP specifically said karate. We have to take what she says as fact.

No we don’t. It’s quite possible OP said karate as a generic term for martial arts that she doesn’t know the difference between. It’s eupossible that DD has done it is doing mixed martial arts.

It's not speculation. It's fact drawn from years of experience.

Regardless of the martial art, it is clear the daughter wasn't actually thrown.

OP has very clearly been incredibly dramatic and defensive of her daughter here. You don't need to paint the other child as a violent thug.

@ChargingBuck

Amazed at how many PP's want to control the natural expression of a 9 year old's body. I suppose you'd prefer girls to be marching in orderly lines, taking orders from others to restrict their movements, & being obedient, seemly, & meek.

If the friend's DD was annoyed by the dancing, she & her mum could have stopped walking alongside OP. No need to tell DD to stop annoying the other child, just remove the other child from the annoyance, surely? They were outdoors, all they needed to do was cross the road or hang back for a minute.

OP could have had her dd dance away from her friend when she initially said stop it or when the dancing escalated. That way both girls were old have what they want - dancing and space. The other girl is not unreasonable to want space or for the girl to talk to her on the journey home rather than dance. (It's not easy to talk to someone while they dance)

While I can see it must be annoying that your DD dances everywhere, the other girl was absolutely wrong to throw her to the ground. As a former Karate teacher, I would take a very dim view of this lack of discipline.

Your DD doesn't need to stop just because her friend says it's annoying, but she should listen to you if you say to stop.

She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly

what i want to know is she the Tiny Dancer John Lewis ad or the recent Kid in A dress wrecking the house dancer John Lewis ad?

@ChargingBuck

Amazed at how many PP's want to control the natural expression of a 9 year old's body. I suppose you'd prefer girls to be marching in orderly lines, taking orders from others to restrict their movements, & being obedient, seemly, & meek.

If the friend's DD was annoyed by the dancing, she & her mum could have stopped walking alongside OP. No need to tell DD to stop annoying the other child, just remove the other child from the annoyance, surely? They were outdoors, all they needed to do was cross the road or hang back for a minute.

This. My nine-year-old DS typically comes from home school leaping onto walls, running, dancing around, doing basic parkour moves etc. It's mildly maddening if I'm trying to have a conversation with him, but as long as it's not bothering anyone else, it's hardly the crime of the century. If we're with some of his friends and no one brought their Pokemon cards, it can look like the the Sharks (or is it the Jets) at the beginning of West Side Story.

Girls should be accorded the same freedoms, assuming they're not bashing toddlers and zimmer-frame users off the pavement as they pass.