Buying MILs holiday home.

[strengthinnumber]

My MIL has owned a holiday home for over 30 years. She was an accidental landlord under strange circumstances and apparently nearly sold it a couple of times in the early years, but ended up keeping it and renting it out either as a family home or latterly as a holiday let.

Because of where it is it's now worth a lot of money (3 beds, parking, garden,10 mins walking distance to lovely seaside town and beach.) We've always holidayed there with her at least once a year as have my DH's siblings.

Some background. DH doesn't really like the place due to bad memories. His siblings either pretend the bad memories aren't a thing (SIL) or actively revel in being in the place and happy as a kind of giant fuck you to the person who MIL inherited from (BIL). Anyway there was a bit of drama with the house over the summer which apparently made MIL think, and she's decided to sell the house. But she wants DH and his siblings to buy it.

She's offering it to us for less than the market price (but an amount that won't be queried for IHT purposes. SIL works in this field and it's legal and watertight). This is still a comfortable 6 figure sum from each of us though.

I think it's a no brainer. Rental income is stellar and we would be getting a great asset at a fantastic price. The kids love it and we've had fabulous holidays there.

BIL and SIL are on board as well. However DH is flatly refusing. His reasons: he still feels uncomfortable in the house. He'd have to be in business with his brother and sister who (in fairness) are a bit much. He worries his mum will miss the income. We'd have to use most of our savings to buy it.

Basically I think he's digging his heels in because he doesn't want to own it because he doesn't like it. And I get it. But hey- if necessary we never have to go there again. It's still daft to turn down the opportunity to purchase it. It would provide a better pension for us in later life and help fund the kids through university. I'm very frustrated as he's letting his feelings about the place make him miss out on a very sensible financial opportunity.

Now MIL has approached me directly and asked if I'd like to buy DHs share (she wants her grandchildren to benefit). I have some personal investments I could sell plus technically half the savings are mine (we've contributed equally over the years).

Would IBTA if I did this. Mil seems to think DH won't mind and that in fact he'd be happy eventually to gave the decision taken out of his hands.

The more I read this the more I feel sorry for your husband. He has enough unhappy memories of the place to walk away from what you think is a very profitable investment. His feelings are very clear -,he would rather lose money than get involved in this purchase.

His mum and his wife, the two people in the world who should have his back and fully support him emotionally are conspiring against him to make sure he will be involved with this property and the dynamics of a three way family ownership for the foreseeable future.

I agree a seaside property can be a good investment OP. DH and I are lucky enough to own two. We have great holidays, can share them as we choose with family and friends and will either pass them on to our DC or sell them if we ever need the cash. You won't be able be able to do either of those things without massive family negotiations.

Spend your money on one of the many coastal properties out there that don't have the emotional baggage attached, that you could own independently of his dramatic siblings and manage independently of his overbearing family. Unless of course the prospect of a 'massive discount' is what's really driving you here. In which case own it and admit that it's free money that's your motivation not sentiment.

three people owning one asset is never a good idea.

I don't being you're unkind to push this at all.

Financially it sounds like it could be a good investment for the future and your future commitments to your children.

I think you really need to talk to him about trying to not allow HIS emotions to impose on you and your children, and what ye want.

I definitely think if it is such a lovely spot your children might regret it.

Perhaps your husband should go and talk to someone about how he feels.

In my family their was something similar with a family some home and the decision was made to review every 8 years as to how people might feel about keeping the house.

After 16 years, one of the 5 wanted their cut and the money was raised by the other 4 and they were bought out.

Within a year they were asking to "borrow" for a week or two during the summer and that actually caused some friction because between the 4 remaining siblings and their children, it was very busy spot.

They regretted the selling and buying abroad.

So it can be complicated THAT'S for sure.

@strengthinnumber

So.... we'd be getting the house at a discount. Discount is worth over £100k each before we take into account rental income.

Would people really walk away from that much money? Even if we sell the house a few years later if the management gets too much we'd make money.

Someone mentioned i was controlling and not accounting fir DHs feelings. Outside of keyboard warriors would you genuinely not try to influence your partner for that amount of money especially as us running it as a rental business means he'd have the excuse to never go there again?

Agreement in writing would be that if one person wants to sell then sale happens.

If an amount of money cost my dear husband distress or the loss of his peace of mind, I'd absolutely walk away from it. Without a moment's hesitation.

Don't sell him out for a bit of cash. That would be a disgusting thing to do.

I am afraid I am another in the avoid camp.

A good friend's DH was left a property in a popular holiday destination jointly with BIL and SIL.

They fell out massively over the property. SIL wanted to keep it after the fallout but couldn't afford to buy the others out.

None of the three now talk to each other at all after having been a close family and indeed without the negative connotations your DH has and they used to holiday there together as it was a big enough house.

The other option is that Mil sells on the open market

Mil has money to live on in her retirement

Then you all have the freedom to do what you like, including during your holidays

Let her sell it and hopefully it will be bought by a family not another landlord.

I don't think the OP is listening, she's preoccupied with the £££ in her eyes

What I find worrying is 'I'd tell him I was doing it'. In other words, it's your decision and he doesn't get a say because it's your money financing that decision.

He wants no part of it. You're suggesting that that's alright because you'll be going into a business arrangement with his siblings, not him. So, yanno, he won't be a part of it, so what's his beef?

Should this actually lead to trouble between the two of you, you'll be in one corner with his family and he'll be on his own, ranged against the lot of you.

I don't think you come out of this looking great. I don't mean the financial arrangement. I mean the terms in which you couch what you see as your problem.

I think it's a bad idea. It may cause a rift between yourself and your husband, especially since you say the house has very bad associations for him. I would be very hurt indeed if my husband made such a decision when he knew I was against it.

Also, I think it could end up being more bother than it's worth, with other members of the family being involved and possible disagreements as to how, as a business, it should be managed.

Didn't you have a thread earlier this year about how you had gone on a family holiday to the property and MIL had turned up to 'surprise' you? This is perhaps the drama you have mentioned.

Perhaps this is part of the reason your DH does not want to buy the property. There is a weird dynamic in the family/ with MIL and he has a gut feeling that buying the property will lead to more drama.

I was also about to say you've posted about this before?

I can see if it's a gorgeous house in salcombe potentially worth millions it could be a bit of a pisser to say no to. But... he doesn't want it, the in laws sound like a potential nightmare and I don't get why MIL wants to sell you what he'd likely inherit anyway? Your husband is likely taking the best off out of it approach which sounds sensible.

@Soontobe60

*Not going behind his back. Would be clear I was doing it*

He may well be the one to divorce you!

And then ask for half her share in the house l!

@AutumnInBustletown

Didn't you have a thread earlier this year about how you had gone on a family holiday to the property and MIL had turned up to 'surprise' you? This is perhaps the drama you have mentioned.

Perhaps this is part of the reason your DH does not want to buy the property. There is a weird dynamic in the family/ with MIL and he has a gut feeling that buying the property will lead to more drama.

Ah yes thought it sounded familiar too

@AutumnInBustletown

Didn't you have a thread earlier this year about how you had gone on a family holiday to the property and MIL had turned up to 'surprise' you? This is perhaps the drama you have mentioned.

Perhaps this is part of the reason your DH does not want to buy the property. There is a weird dynamic in the family/ with MIL and he has a gut feeling that buying the property will lead to more drama.

Oh yes!

About MILs holiday home http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4312932-about-mils-holiday-home

OMG I'm even more with your husband than I was before. This woman is not going to respect your boundaries.

OP your greed is totally clouding your judgement

Ultimately you are putting a business choice over the feeling of someone you are supposed to live. If dh is worth less to you than money then do it

What did you decide to do @strengthinnumber?