Buying MILs holiday home.

[strengthinnumber]

My MIL has owned a holiday home for over 30 years. She was an accidental landlord under strange circumstances and apparently nearly sold it a couple of times in the early years, but ended up keeping it and renting it out either as a family home or latterly as a holiday let.

Because of where it is it's now worth a lot of money (3 beds, parking, garden,10 mins walking distance to lovely seaside town and beach.) We've always holidayed there with her at least once a year as have my DH's siblings.

Some background. DH doesn't really like the place due to bad memories. His siblings either pretend the bad memories aren't a thing (SIL) or actively revel in being in the place and happy as a kind of giant fuck you to the person who MIL inherited from (BIL). Anyway there was a bit of drama with the house over the summer which apparently made MIL think, and she's decided to sell the house. But she wants DH and his siblings to buy it.

She's offering it to us for less than the market price (but an amount that won't be queried for IHT purposes. SIL works in this field and it's legal and watertight). This is still a comfortable 6 figure sum from each of us though.

I think it's a no brainer. Rental income is stellar and we would be getting a great asset at a fantastic price. The kids love it and we've had fabulous holidays there.

BIL and SIL are on board as well. However DH is flatly refusing. His reasons: he still feels uncomfortable in the house. He'd have to be in business with his brother and sister who (in fairness) are a bit much. He worries his mum will miss the income. We'd have to use most of our savings to buy it.

Basically I think he's digging his heels in because he doesn't want to own it because he doesn't like it. And I get it. But hey- if necessary we never have to go there again. It's still daft to turn down the opportunity to purchase it. It would provide a better pension for us in later life and help fund the kids through university. I'm very frustrated as he's letting his feelings about the place make him miss out on a very sensible financial opportunity.

Now MIL has approached me directly and asked if I'd like to buy DHs share (she wants her grandchildren to benefit). I have some personal investments I could sell plus technically half the savings are mine (we've contributed equally over the years).

Would IBTA if I did this. Mil seems to think DH won't mind and that in fact he'd be happy eventually to gave the decision taken out of his hands.

You say no abuse but emotional abuse is insidious and often not obvious. I would 100% prioritise my partner’s wellbeing over money (but I’m anti owning multiple properties anyway). You’re being incredibly U and if I was your husband I would divorce over this. I have toxic parents and if my partner disregarded my feelings about them and our relationship in favour of making a buck (which isn’t guaranteed as you’ll need to pay for upkeep out of season, when there are no guests etc) out relationship would be over pretty sharpish.

”Discount is worth over £100k each before we take into account rental income. Would people really walk away from that much money? Even if we sell the house a few years later if the management gets too much we'd make money.”

You could offer me, for free, a £1m share in a £3m house and if it involved the other £2m of the house being owned by my siblings I’d turn it down. There is literally no amount of money I’d accept to put myself through that stress and potential further damage to already fractious family relationships. We get on ok at a superficial level, if we had to agree on important financial stuff we’d end up falling out irreparably.

YABVVVVVVVU
Yes if my husband didn't want to do it for his own reasons, I might try and change his mind gently but if he was against it I would let the money go without a second thought. You don't get to judge ( and you may not know the truth) about how bad it was for your husband and you shouldn't need to know every tiny detail in order to say "I support you DH, if you are against this then so am I"
or do you like money more than you love your husband? Because trust me this is a deal breaker.
TBH I am a bit shocked at your MiL's suggestion and wonder if she wants to cause trouble.

I wouldn't do it if it would cause my husband pain. Yes, objectively it's a good deal but I just couldn't do that to him. My heart would win out over my head on this one.

I'd support him and tell his siblings they should buy it between them if that's what they want.

@strengthinnumber

Again. No abuse at the house. He just hated the person who lived there and was forced to spend time with them.

You don't know that. You know that he hasn't told you about any abuse. You do not know he hasn't been abused.

If your husband gives you the green light to do this alone then YANBU. Why wouldn't you if you're happy to sell with the family and it's a money maker...

His reasons: he still feels uncomfortable in the house. He'd have to be in business with his brother and sister who (in fairness) are a bit much. He worries his mum will miss the income. We'd have to use most of our savings to buy it.

I'm with your DH on this.

If you could purchase it outright it would be a different matter, but it sounds as though you won't have good business partners.

Listen to your husband. His feelings are absolutely important.
I bought my mums house(had been family home). I was never happy there as a child as funnily enough not as an adult either!

I understand the temptation but mixing business and family..? the idea makes me shudder - it would be such a shame to risk damaging family relationships if there was any kind of disagreement about it

You say he is normally sensible and financially responsible and this is uncharacteristic. Because of that I'd respect his strong feelings about this.

No no no. You have to respect his decision in relation to a transaction with his family. Stay out of this.

Have you talked to your DH about you buying it? His reaction is surely crucial. If he's ambivalent, go ahead, it sounds like a great business decision. But if his reaction is adverse, definitely don't. It's not worth blowing up your marriage for it.

Co-owning a holiday home with your husband's two siblings isn't a financial plan, it's a recipe for disaster. You'd be nuts to do it, quite apart from the ethics of undermining/overruling/steamrolling your husband.

I can’t really believe your naivety OP.

First of all it’s DH’s mother so it’s entirely up to him.

Secondly owning property with other people is a complete nightmare.

Thirdly holiday letting is a big job (I know because I do it) and trying to holiday let with two other owners is just a head fuck.

So no, YAB completely U.

What was the bit of drama over the house in the summer that has made your MIL want to sell?

You appear to be putting money over your DH’s clearly expressed and very valid wishes, it’s not a good look!

But also we're not talking "seaside house of horror" here, just somewhere he was forced to go and spent time with someone he thoroughly disliked.

You’re absolutely minimising your husbands feelings about his childhood situation. I find that a puzzling stance towards someone you profess to love.

If my dh behaved like this towards me, completely dismissing my wishes, it would make me question my whole relationship. The fact you’re even considering this is bizarre.

I'm very frustrated as he's letting his feelings about the place make him miss out on a very sensible financial opportunity.

His feelings.

You are disregarding his feelings on this matter. Your proposal to wade in anyway, into business with your husband's dysfunctional family when he is wanting to keep his distance, shows such a lack of care and respect for him.

So he already has a childhood association with this house and being made to spend time there against his will, because he was a child and he had to do what he was told. Now he has a say, because he is an adult. And he's said he doesn't want to do this. Apart from now, his DW is the one trying to make him do something he doesn't want to do.

Are you sure you've thought this through? Going against him and going in with his family... His mother is pretty determined to make it go the way she wants, asking you to undermine your own husband.

If things were reversed wouldn't you hope your spouse would respect your wishes?

Some interesting points here. I am particularly concerned about the horror stories about being in business with family. DH not liking the place hating/ disliking his dad (semantics) was a red herring that a lot of posters got a bit fixated on. He's been going there on holiday for 30 years not under duress! When we were at university this is where we went on our first holiday as a "couple". He's fine. He'd just never choose to go there if Portugal was an option.

I've shown him this and he agrees I'm awful and have no care for him and he'll absolutely definitely divorce me if I go through with it

People must realise that Mumsnet is a snapshot of a marriage. We are finance/ STEM people. We make decisions on data which is what we're going to do. This is why I was so startled about his response. He changed the whole basis of decisions being made in our marriage without being clear why.

Anyway he's insisted on a Mexican takeaway which is my least favourite as compensation for his trauma and we are going to sit down properly. Decide an amount of money it'll be worth being in business with BIL and SIL for and see where the maths takes us. Above? We do it. Below we don't.

The sum is high as apparently it's the being in business with his siblings that worries him the most. The drama over the summer impacted him more than I realised. This is something that finally makes sense to me.

I don't think I'm going to own a holiday home, and after the family in business stories I'm ok. I like BIL and SIL. They are clever capable people with good values. But you never know. In fact as DH pointed out I'm the one who complains he's too engaged with his family and that they're too much. And he's right.

I look at data in my job and the data says, "quite good idea and definitely better than other investment options out there". But this isn't the whole picture obviously.

@LizzieSiddal

But also we're not talking "seaside house of horror" here, just somewhere he was forced to go and spent time with someone he thoroughly disliked.

You’re absolutely minimising your husbands feelings about his childhood situation. I find that a puzzling stance towards someone you profess to love.

If my dh behaved like this towards me, completely dismissing my wishes, it would make me question my whole relationship. The fact you’re even considering this is bizarre.

Previous posts by OP, stated hated, but she's now down graded it and disappeared!

I've called her out on this and being part of tax evasion.

[quote Offmyfence]@Badbadbunny if the OP bought it for £100k under market value, then forced a sale, she'd have a CGT liability of £33,333 thousand. She'd have a CGT allowance of £12,300 Any gain above that is taxed at either 18% or 28% dependent on OPs income.

Two very separate issues, with DM and OP. [/quote]
Sales/purchases between connected parties are treated as market value for capital gains tax, regardless of the amounts actually paid.

You are putting finances above your husbands feelings. You're being entirely dismissive of him.

He is as you say, financially astute, and yet he has a visceral reaction to being financially involved in this house. If you go ahead, I suspect it will drive a wedge in your marriage which will never heal.

I guess it depends what you prioritise.

Exactly @Badbadbunny so why are you staying they're not?

Seems very messy to me, and potential for a big family fallout.

No I wouldn't. He doesn't want to own a share and be tied in with his siblings. I'd advise mil to sell it.and share out the money between the siblings instead.