Buying MILs holiday home.

[strengthinnumber]

My MIL has owned a holiday home for over 30 years. She was an accidental landlord under strange circumstances and apparently nearly sold it a couple of times in the early years, but ended up keeping it and renting it out either as a family home or latterly as a holiday let.

Because of where it is it's now worth a lot of money (3 beds, parking, garden,10 mins walking distance to lovely seaside town and beach.) We've always holidayed there with her at least once a year as have my DH's siblings.

Some background. DH doesn't really like the place due to bad memories. His siblings either pretend the bad memories aren't a thing (SIL) or actively revel in being in the place and happy as a kind of giant fuck you to the person who MIL inherited from (BIL). Anyway there was a bit of drama with the house over the summer which apparently made MIL think, and she's decided to sell the house. But she wants DH and his siblings to buy it.

She's offering it to us for less than the market price (but an amount that won't be queried for IHT purposes. SIL works in this field and it's legal and watertight). This is still a comfortable 6 figure sum from each of us though.

I think it's a no brainer. Rental income is stellar and we would be getting a great asset at a fantastic price. The kids love it and we've had fabulous holidays there.

BIL and SIL are on board as well. However DH is flatly refusing. His reasons: he still feels uncomfortable in the house. He'd have to be in business with his brother and sister who (in fairness) are a bit much. He worries his mum will miss the income. We'd have to use most of our savings to buy it.

Basically I think he's digging his heels in because he doesn't want to own it because he doesn't like it. And I get it. But hey- if necessary we never have to go there again. It's still daft to turn down the opportunity to purchase it. It would provide a better pension for us in later life and help fund the kids through university. I'm very frustrated as he's letting his feelings about the place make him miss out on a very sensible financial opportunity.

Now MIL has approached me directly and asked if I'd like to buy DHs share (she wants her grandchildren to benefit). I have some personal investments I could sell plus technically half the savings are mine (we've contributed equally over the years).

Would IBTA if I did this. Mil seems to think DH won't mind and that in fact he'd be happy eventually to gave the decision taken out of his hands.

How come he's been happy to have holidays there over the years if he's that disturbed by it?

Your MIL is wanting it to stay in the family..so she can control it!

Otherwise sell it at market rate, then distribute the proceeds for you to invest how you want.

It's not a strings free gift!

I would buy it. And explain why to your DH.

I don't understand how you don't see that he wants nothing to do with 1) the house and 2) the siblings.
They're linked. He might be able to tolerate either but just not both together.
Either his siblings buy the property 50/50, or MIL retains a third. Otherwise she should just sell it.

I had a friend whose dh's father and uncles inherited a family holiday home in a lovely area. They kept it. We stayed there for a weekend once and it was insane. To avoid the constant conflicts over the years they had a complicated system of booking weekends/weeks that had an algorithim that could launch a person into space. and when we left we had to do things like turn all the forks on their sides to the left in the drawer. again over the years they had to draw up this incredible list of detailed rules to avoid conflict. And they didn't rent the place out.

Presumably you can just ask him if he would object to you doing it. And you'd make it clear at the same time that you don't expect him ever to go there ever again.

And then you can come back to the thread and let us know what he says about it, just in case that helps all the hard-of-reading posters on here who keep accusing you of "going behind his back".

@strengthinnumber

So.... we'd be getting the house at a discount. Discount is worth over £100k each before we take into account rental income.

Would people really walk away from that much money? Even if we sell the house a few years later if the management gets too much we'd make money.

Someone mentioned i was controlling and not accounting fir DHs feelings. Outside of keyboard warriors would you genuinely not try to influence your partner for that amount of money especially as us running it as a rental business means he'd have the excuse to never go there again?

Agreement in writing would be that if one person wants to sell then sale happens.

Why not sell it at market rate and take the £109k?

And whiter than white SIL, needs to consider deliberate deprivation of assets ? Or does that not come into her consideration?

Won't all 3 of you have to agree when you decide you've had enough?
What if 2 of 3 won't?

"Why would people walk away from that kind of money?"

... pretty easily if it respected my husbands previous bad experiences; massively reduced the risk of explosive family fallouts and heartache in the future.

Now you're just sounding greedy tbh.

I don't think your MIL should be offering that discount tbh. it is inherently unfair.

I wouldn't buy it , it sounds like a nightmare , being in business with husband's siblings . It will end in tears. Your husband doesn't want to do it and that's enough reason not to do it

I would view this as an outrageous betrayal from my partner. This is his family, his history and he has decided what he wants. For you to run roughshod over that would be unforgiveable in my book.

Personally I wouldn’t do this and my dh would be upset if I did this again his wishes.

If all three own it who would deal with the grunt work on the letting side? If you all want it for the same week who takes priority? If the bathroom needs renovating would everyone agree on a sensible budget or will someone keep insisting that the £200 taps they like are essential? Would any of them refuse to contribute to general upkeep that isn't necessarily "essential" but would improve ratings from guests?

Ask DH if he can come up with some other brilliant investment.
If it is your money you have been allowed to do what you want with it since 1870.

@Soontobe60

*Not going behind his back. Would be clear I was doing it*

He may well be the one to divorce you!

I suppose at least he'd get a percentage on the divorce.

Not a chance I'd touch this with a bargepole.

Your MIL will still want to be in charge of it (and could easily use the discount as leverage - and by going to you when she knows your DH doesn't want involved shows she's determined to get her own way)

You've described your BIL & SIL as 'a bit much' - which when in business with them could be a nightmare

You'll always be seen as the lesser of the three owners as it wasn't your families home

Business and family should never mix imo. It can caused devastating rows.

Plus it could have an impact on your marriage. You say your DH is normally a sensible and financially astute man. So to say no to this shows his depth of feeling about it.

How is he going to feel when you have to pay for a new boiler? Or you can't have a family holiday one year because it needs a new roof? Or you have to spend a weekend there sorting it after renters have a party that gets out of hand/there's flood?

Everyone seems to be bulldozing over DH and his feelings, including you.

It's an ugly dynamic isn't it @GlowingGardens.
I wonder if the DH's feelings were similarly dismissed as a child. Perhaps even specifically - as per about the unpleasant person he was "forced to" spend time with in that house.

I've said enough about the emotional side. But the legal, operational & financials would have me running for the hills anyway.

Perhaps OP will re-think based on sound business principles - (don't go into partnership with family or people who are "a bit much"; don't give yourself a 33% holding vs: a 66% bother-&-sister holding) - as she doesn't appear to be in the least moved by her DH's wishes or emotional comfort.

The betrayal is not doing it behind his back, it is going against his wishes when it'shis family, in case of any "hard of reading" accusations. IMO anyways.

So you could accept it and then immediately force a sale?
And no one would mind?

If you sell you'd have to pay Capital Gains tax on it though as a second home and you'd make a gain of 100k+

You'd have to pay tax on the rent anyway.
You need to allow for empty times.

Do you want to run a holiday let?

@strengthinnumber

So.... we'd be getting the house at a discount. Discount is worth over £100k each before we take into account rental income.

Would people really walk away from that much money? Even if we sell the house a few years later if the management gets too much we'd make money.

Someone mentioned i was controlling and not accounting fir DHs feelings. Outside of keyboard warriors would you genuinely not try to influence your partner for that amount of money especially as us running it as a rental business means he'd have the excuse to never go there again?

Agreement in writing would be that if one person wants to sell then sale happens.

Yes and I've walked away from much bigger amounts than that.

Think about your husband, it's not all about money.

@SiobhanSharpe

To several PPs - OP has been very clear, and more than once, that she would not be doing anything behind her husband's back.

So what?

A punch in the face is a punch in the face, whether your assaulter announces it to you in advance or not.

It would be a bit crazy to turn down £100k but:

Can the other 2 siblings afford to buy it on their own?

Could you buy it and sell it on pretty quickly, possibly buying a different place with opportunities for happier memories?

Have you agreed watertight terms on selling/ rental income etc.

The annual accounts could be fun...

@hellcatspangle

How come he's been happy to have holidays there over the years if he's that disturbed by it?

Because as I've tried to make clear I'm not ignoring huge emotional pain. He disliked the person who lived there (nominally his dad). Had to go most school holidays as part of the divorce agreement and MIL worked. Missed all his friends as it's at the other end of the country and he spent holidays with an emotionally absent person who largely ignored his siblings and him and who took them to avoid paying maintenance. No TV. No friends. No money to do the fun seaside activities. It was shit and boring which is why he dislikes it. Frankly BIL (gay) is the one who probably has the biggest axe to grind and he's delighted the homophobic deadbeat finally gave them something useful.