Buying MILs holiday home.

[strengthinnumber]

My MIL has owned a holiday home for over 30 years. She was an accidental landlord under strange circumstances and apparently nearly sold it a couple of times in the early years, but ended up keeping it and renting it out either as a family home or latterly as a holiday let.

Because of where it is it's now worth a lot of money (3 beds, parking, garden,10 mins walking distance to lovely seaside town and beach.) We've always holidayed there with her at least once a year as have my DH's siblings.

Some background. DH doesn't really like the place due to bad memories. His siblings either pretend the bad memories aren't a thing (SIL) or actively revel in being in the place and happy as a kind of giant fuck you to the person who MIL inherited from (BIL). Anyway there was a bit of drama with the house over the summer which apparently made MIL think, and she's decided to sell the house. But she wants DH and his siblings to buy it.

She's offering it to us for less than the market price (but an amount that won't be queried for IHT purposes. SIL works in this field and it's legal and watertight). This is still a comfortable 6 figure sum from each of us though.

I think it's a no brainer. Rental income is stellar and we would be getting a great asset at a fantastic price. The kids love it and we've had fabulous holidays there.

BIL and SIL are on board as well. However DH is flatly refusing. His reasons: he still feels uncomfortable in the house. He'd have to be in business with his brother and sister who (in fairness) are a bit much. He worries his mum will miss the income. We'd have to use most of our savings to buy it.

Basically I think he's digging his heels in because he doesn't want to own it because he doesn't like it. And I get it. But hey- if necessary we never have to go there again. It's still daft to turn down the opportunity to purchase it. It would provide a better pension for us in later life and help fund the kids through university. I'm very frustrated as he's letting his feelings about the place make him miss out on a very sensible financial opportunity.

Now MIL has approached me directly and asked if I'd like to buy DHs share (she wants her grandchildren to benefit). I have some personal investments I could sell plus technically half the savings are mine (we've contributed equally over the years).

Would IBTA if I did this. Mil seems to think DH won't mind and that in fact he'd be happy eventually to gave the decision taken out of his hands.

Also MIL told him she'd ask me. He shrugged.

I wouldn't keep it a secret and it's absolutely not going to derail our marriage! It's a disagreement about an investment.

However someone did make the point about being in business with BIL and SIL and that is a good one. Big tick in the negative column.

@M0rT

I'd divorce my husband if he went behind my back and did something like this with my family.

Again. Not going behind his back. Would be clear I was doing it.

@Chunkymenrock

I wouldn't do it. All the siblings involved? No thanks. I see trouble ahead...

Most sensible comment

I wouldn't. You see the money if things go well.
What about BIL and SIL. You admit they're a bit much. What would going into business with them be like? What if someone wants to sell? What if there's a disagreement about what sort of landlord you want to be? Where will the money for repairs/maintenance come from? What if someone gets a divorce? 1/3 of it will then be a marital assest and you could be forced to sell or buy out the divorcee.
There are so many reasons this could go wrong and ruin family relationships. Your DH knows these people best and he doesn't want to this and doesn't think it will work.
If I were your husband and you did this and spent that amount of money on something which I though financially was a bad idea and you knew would cause me emotional pain, I would seriously consider leaving you.

@strengthinnumber

Also MIL told him she'd ask me. He shrugged. I wouldn't keep it a secret and it's absolutely not going to derail our marriage! It's a disagreement about an investment.

However someone did make the point about being in business with BIL and SIL and that is a good one. Big tick in the negative column.

You’re coming across as a very unsupportive partner now. All you’re thinking of is money money money. DH is dead against it. Respect his feelings.

But also we're not talking "seaside house of horror" here, just somewhere he was forced to go and spent time with someone he thoroughly disliked

You don't get to decide that.
You don't get to tell him what his own experience means to him, or what he is allowed to feel about it.

I'd tell him I was doing it. But it would be me not him.

Fucksake.
So ... it's the riding roughshod option then? You are sounding v controlling.
Telling him "he never has to visit" won't sweeten that pill OP.
You would basically be telling him that your investment plans are more important than his deep seated emotions about some unpleasant childhood stuff.
And that you get to call all the shots, no matter his own feelings.

I'd be thinking a dozen times before becoming financially enmeshed with siblings who are 'a bit much' and who dismiss your DH;s feelings over something he felt strongly about. Going into business with family can be fraught at the best of times, and this is not the best of times.

Everyone seems to be bulldozing over DH and his feelings, including you.

I'd avoid and look for other investment opportunities to be honest.

Not going behind his back.
Would be clear I was doing it

He may well be the one to divorce you!

You have clearly already made up your mind

Your poor DH. He tells people how he feels and no one cares.

He just hated the person that lived there, but no abuse?

So why did he hate them? Presumably not because they supported the wrong football team?

You've got savings and investments enough to buy your share. So you're not destitute and in desperate need to make more money?

But you're putting making more money above your DHs feelings? Even though he's normally financially astute?

Shameful!

Absolutely not. You need to get those pound signs out of your eyes and respect your husband’s wishes on this one: he doesn’t want to go into business with his siblings; he doesn’t want shared ownership of a house with his siblings; he doesn’t want shared ownership of this particular house. It’s not your place to dismiss his real feelings about this and it certainly isn’t your place to conspire with his family and entangle yourself in this way.

To several PPs - OP has been very clear, and more than once, that she would not be doing anything behind her husband's back.

@strengthinnumber

Again. No abuse at the house. He just hated the person who lived there and was forced to spend time with them.

Again. You don't get to decide how bad he is allowed to feel, or what constitutes abuse.

You are shockingly blase in your dismissal of a child who was "forced" to spend time with someone who must have been very unpleasant indeed - at the very least - for it to have such a longlasting impact DH.

I don’t think you should get involved or buy this in any way.

I’d keep entirely out of it.

I wouldn't. You'll always have it hanging over you that your DH didn't want to, and if anything goes wrong, this will always be a born of contention.

Aside from that, it has the recipe for disaster. My brother and I had the opportunity to inherit my parents holiday home, or for them to sell it. We were both adamant we didn't want to buy it. Despite best intentions, I can guarantee it will cause friction in terms of who manages the property, who pays for upkeep and repairs, what happens if one person wants to sell and the others don't etc. Don't do it. It sounds great in theory but the reality will almost certainly end in tears...

I'd feel completely betrayed in his position even with you being completely upfront about it.

Even if you were upfront about it, how do you think it would really feel to him - now and in the future? Would he feel let down by you or hurt or really not listened to?
You see it as in investment, but would he ever actually want to profit, directly or indirectly, from such an investment.
Would it impact his relationships with HIS family members?
If you go ahead, what happens if there are issues with the house or your business arrangement with his siblings - he might end up being involved against his will.
Invest in your marriage not in something that sadly could have repercussions…...

How do you forsee it working out as a business partnership with your inlaws? There is a lot that could go wrong!!!
I wouldn't want to be in business in my inlaws.
I think you are seeing ££££ and not thinking this through.

Seriously don't do it, a friend of mine's family had a similar idea for a business, our DF kept out of but his wife invested a lot of their joint money in it and it was a disaster ... major fallings out with the other family members and a lot of money (including pension pot) lost .... plus huge amounts of heartache all round ... I am amazed their marriage survived.

@GlowingGardens

I'd be thinking a dozen times before becoming financially enmeshed with siblings who are 'a bit much' and who dismiss your DH;s feelings over something he felt strongly about. Going into business with family can be fraught at the best of times, and this is not the best of times.

Everyone seems to be bulldozing over DH and his feelings, including you.

I'd avoid and look for other investment opportunities to be honest.

This. And quite apart from how you are dismissing your dh's feelings and wishes for the sparkly shiny thing MIL is showing you, it can't be the only investment opportunity around. I don't think you've thought through the reality of owning and managing a rental property with family or the tax implications or anything tbh.

I get on really well with all my inlaws and I wouldn't dream of going into business/investing with any of them.

@SiobhanSharpe

To several PPs - OP has been very clear, and more than once, that she would not be doing anything behind her husband's back.

But being involved is against his wishes? He doesn't like or respect the place?

Let her go into business in what is a family holiday home, with all his side of the family, I hope she doesn't whinge to him when it goes tits up,

She already sounds massively financially l informed, saying that the CGT payable by MIL wouldn't be an issues, as SIL needs to be whiter than white.

Not SILs CGT issue, so what's the relevance?

So.... we'd be getting the house at a discount. Discount is worth over £100k each before we take into account rental income.

Would people really walk away from that much money? Even if we sell the house a few years later if the management gets too much we'd make money.

Someone mentioned i was controlling and not accounting fir DHs feelings. Outside of keyboard warriors would you genuinely not try to influence your partner for that amount of money especially as us running it as a rental business means he'd have the excuse to never go there again?

Agreement in writing would be that if one person wants to sell then sale happens.

Again.
Not going behind his back.
Would be clear I was doing it.

Right. So would you be ok if he went and bought, say, a Lamborghini with “his” half of the savings, as long as he was clear he was doing it and didn’t do it behind your back?

In my book you don’t spend the family savings - even if it’s only “your half” - without your spouse being in agreement.

Is this a reverse?