To have had it with my butler and the valet

[SierraJulietGolf]

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

Enough! Beagles should NOT be in the house ! They should be be in the kennels ! Poets are there to entertain, NOT to soire with ! To have even be privy to which coat went where…I’m aghast, I think one needs to go back to finishing school madam (clutches pearls to chest)

Off with their heads!!

Some pps should be seen and not heard, and not very often seen, if at all.

Have you a brace of working cockers, my dear?

I totally understand Dear Girl. Staff were the bane of my life for many years. Impossible to get one capable of cleaning above eye level Dearest Mummar always said. It may have been sheer luck for you that they were busy with the coat debacle and not looking up at your dusty old cobwebs. Think yourself very lucky indeed.

DH and I are sharing a man

I think you have a DH problem, not a staff problem.

Have you been wearing jaunty alpine hats or garish socks to incur the wrath of your valet?

doubledoors !!

The OP told me there was something of a frost in relation to a white mess jacket, @CaptainThe95thRifles

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

The OP told me there was something of a frost in relation to a white mess jacket, *@CaptainThe95thRifles*

Most unnerving. They do say employers are like horses. They require "management". Mostly, management away from their unsettling experiments in personal attire...

Theblahwitch. The beagles are in the house because they’re currently all wearing collars after a tussle with a fox. Fox made mincemeat of them. They’re all rather the worse for wear.

I do have a DH Problem Captain. He’d be next to be fired but owns most of the County as well as The House. He says I’ll have to go if I want to get shut of him and I couldn’t give up access to the beagles ,the labs and The children.

Kind of sick how much effort people are willing to put in just to alienate people who are able to afford a cleaner now and again.

But this is MN, where anyone who can afford M&S bananas or occasional cleaning services is hounded for being part of the Oppressive Ruling Class.

[quote DaphneDeloresMoorhead]@Marylou62 if you are struggling with your children's clothing may I suggest a nice sailor suit for your boy. Our local seamstress, Searle, has a small shop and sells some beautiful outfits[/quote]
Thank you for the advice but my personal shopper does all that.. Actually she's the only one of my staff who hasn't left... She has free range over the children's clothing and picks my Dhs shirts... She delivers to the nanny directly after the nanny tells her what's needed.. I have no contact with her.. It's super..

Kind of sick how much effort people are willing to put in just to alienate people who are able to afford a cleaner now and again

Cleaner? We refer to her as the maid in this house!

@InPraiseOfBacchus

Kind of sick how much effort people are willing to put in just to alienate people who are able to afford a cleaner now and again.

But this is MN, where anyone who can afford M&S bananas or occasional cleaning services is hounded for being part of the Oppressive Ruling Class.

oh it's no effort at all, but thanks for your kind consideration

He says I’ll have to go if I want to get shut of him and I couldn’t give up access to the beagles ,the labs and The children

In that order?

I recommend a ghastly accident involving a labrador's ball carelessly left at the top of the stairs to the wine cellar, and a catastrophic wine rack failure onto his already mangled body for good measure.

Captain. I like the ball at top of staircase strategy but a fall from such a height is going to make an awful mess and the cleaning staff are now threatening to walk out in solidarity with the butler and valet.

This sounds like the setting for a game of Cluedo.

Or a Miss Marple detective story.

Sierra, I know exactly what the problem is. You said this:

He bought me my evening cocoa and Bath Oliver’s and it was all I could do to say thank you. I refuse to be petty though as that would be to lower my own standards.

which rather gives away the fact that you are new money. What on earth are you doing saying thank you to the staff? Their thanks are in their wages and they should be extremely grateful to you for providing a pathway out of their poor situations. I can see that the estate has been in your husband's family for many generations which makes me believe that he is established aristocracy and likely of superior breeding to you. It's good to know there is someone in the family who understand the proper order of things. Sadly, although this will be outing for you, you do need to ask him or his mater about how these work. You really cannot give the lower classes an inch. They are all work shy and do need, and I dare say want, to be kept in their place by their betters.

@SierraJulietGolf

Captain. I like the ball at top of staircase strategy but a fall from such a height is going to make an awful mess and the cleaning staff are now threatening to walk out in solidarity with the butler and valet.

This is why you do it in the wine cellar. You simply pick up a couple of unbroken bottles and close the trap door on your way out. Out of sight, out of mind, or it will be once you've drunk the wine

what'swrongwithmyknee. You have a total handle on the situation. Our house has been in DHs family since The High Middle Ages and although I'm from an aristocratic background we are far more recent if you will. He went to Kings School Canterbury which dates back to the sixth century and I went to Cheltenham Ladies College which is 18th century. I know my PIL really look down at me over the vast expanse of 12 centuries. I feel I'm always being caught out over some minor point of etiquette.

Sadly Sierra, your genetic stock will sometimes be impossible to hide. I think you can work at bettering yourself but you do really need to bow to your betters. You should feel very lucky that your DH has been willing to marry down.

@SierraJulietGolf

You really must sack them all. I recommend this blog; Lucy really does know how to find the best staff

www.stafftax.co.uk/blog/the-different-types-of-staff-required-in-a-household

Please don't say I recommended since that would be vulgar.

@InPraiseOfBacchus

Kind of sick how much effort people are willing to put in just to alienate people who are able to afford a cleaner now and again.

But this is MN, where anyone who can afford M&S bananas or occasional cleaning services is hounded for being part of the Oppressive Ruling Class.

'Cleaner' Oh my!

Please refer to as Housemaid who directly reports to the Housekeeper.

@TheWOooWOooWOoonlyMrsM

YABU and probably a troll. You are making a mockery of those of us who really do have to deal with these sorts of issues.

Surely you don'[t deal with these issues personally. Our Estate Steward usually does the mundane hiring and firing. You really must add one to your collection.

I am so very grateful that DH felt confident enough to marry beneath his status but I really dislike how he and his family rub my face in my lesser bloodline. I will read that blog REDHERO. I won't let on how I discovered it fear not