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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had it with my butler and the valet

330 replies

SierraJulietGolf · 03/11/2021 23:43

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

OP posts:
bibliomania · 04/11/2021 09:24

Tears in my eyes, Daphne, tears in my eyes.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 04/11/2021 09:25

@Marylou62 if you are being kept so busy with your horses maybe it's time to recruit a couple of grooms. I think our gamekeeper has a couple of sons who will soon be looking for situations

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 04/11/2021 09:26

@bibliomania

Tears in my eyes, Daphne, tears in my eyes.
There were in mine too. It had been in our family since George III
godmum56 · 04/11/2021 09:26

@Kpo58

Could you ask Jeeves to come over and sort it all out for you or Willikins to sort it all out in a very different way?
hahahaha Shamlegger Street Boys?
bibliomania · 04/11/2021 09:28

It had been in our family since George III

Not to worry, my dear. Anything more recent than the Plantagenets is simply arriviste.

Pbbananabagel · 04/11/2021 09:34

@ Kpo58 Grin

Astrak · 04/11/2021 09:34

My dear, it's "hounds" not "the hounds". I'm afraid you're sounding frightfully common. Even " not our sort, dear."

MamDancer · 04/11/2021 09:42

[quote EmbarrassingHadrosaurus]Get rid of them all. You need Miss Lucy Eyelesbarrow:

agathachristie.fandom.com/wiki/Lucy_Eyelesbarrow[/quote]
I have read of Miss Eyelesbarrow's excellence regarding many aspects of household exasperations and tediums.

I believe she is also apt at uncovering......shall we say situations which may give rise to slight embarrassment and inded incarceration of certain less than wholesome persons.

One would do well to tread warily if one employs her services, if one is apt to indulge in behaviours frowned upon by the Constabulary.

Marylou62 · 04/11/2021 09:46

[quote DaphneDeloresMoorhead]@Marylou62 if you are being kept so busy with your horses maybe it's time to recruit a couple of grooms. I think our gamekeeper has a couple of sons who will soon be looking for situations[/quote]
I absolutely agree with you.. Trouble is that they keep leaving.. One had the audacity to walk away from my DH after being told to wipe my DH boots.. (he actually had an old towel in his hand so it wouldn't have taken long) He also refused to work the 6 months notice and didn't leave a forwarding address ... But we have friends in high places who can supply us with addresses and have successfully taken lawful means to get previous staff to work their notice in the past.. Sometimes it's not really worth it as their work isn't as good but we still make them stay.. After all they did sign the contract...

MamDancer · 04/11/2021 09:47
  • I dictated the above to my secretarial assistant and note there is an error.

Another example of the lax standards now deemed acceptable in household staff.

bothjetplanes · 04/11/2021 09:54

I'm just inspired that you are still managing to troop on, OP.

LakieLady · 04/11/2021 10:02

We had our first shoot of the season yesterday, it was a bloody shambles and the gamekeeper will be getting his marching orders if he doesn't sort himself out.

The idiot hardly had any beaters. He tried to tell me that most of his regulars have returned to lorry driving, where, apparently, they can make plenty of money for nothing like the effort. He was offering more than ever before, too - £30 a day! Have these people no idea of how important our countryside traditions are? And the lack of beaters meant a lack of dogs, I had to send him round the village borrowing spaniels.

We have the hunt here for the first meet on Saturday, at least they don't expect hounds to be provided. Dear Bellerophon is in fine fettle and fearless as as ever and I'm just in the mood for riding down some of those soap-dodging sabs.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 04/11/2021 10:14

@LakieLady

We had our first shoot of the season yesterday, it was a bloody shambles and the gamekeeper will be getting his marching orders if he doesn't sort himself out.

The idiot hardly had any beaters. He tried to tell me that most of his regulars have returned to lorry driving, where, apparently, they can make plenty of money for nothing like the effort. He was offering more than ever before, too - £30 a day! Have these people no idea of how important our countryside traditions are? And the lack of beaters meant a lack of dogs, I had to send him round the village borrowing spaniels.

We have the hunt here for the first meet on Saturday, at least they don't expect hounds to be provided. Dear Bellerophon is in fine fettle and fearless as as ever and I'm just in the mood for riding down some of those soap-dodging sabs.

Oh splendid, I'm off with my good friend Dahlia on Sunday. We are joining the Totleigh in the Wold hunt for a spot of sab baiting. Tally-ho, must pop off, the man has turned up to tune the bosendorfer and our new butler Seppings can't answer the tedious mans questions. Why I keep servants when I have to deal with these minutiae myself daily I do not know.
SirGawain · 04/11/2021 10:29

@ItsDinah
It sounds like you are the worst sort of would-be parvenu arriviste
A person with true breeding wouldn't use tautological expressions like this.

JudgeJ · 04/11/2021 10:33

To have had it with my butler and the valet

Together or individually?

JudgeJ · 04/11/2021 10:37

[quote DaphneDeloresMoorhead]@Marylou62 if you are being kept so busy with your horses maybe it's time to recruit a couple of grooms. I think our gamekeeper has a couple of sons who will soon be looking for situations[/quote]
Grooms are hard to get though, the female ones prefer to work for that barsteward Rupert C-B, can't think what he has to offer.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 04/11/2021 10:41

I have read of Miss Eyelesbarrow's excellence regarding many aspects of household exasperations and tediums.

I'd heard that Miss Lucy Eyelesbarrow has been persuaded to desist her friendship with Jane Marple who was the gal most likely to embroil her in these situations. However, if you'd rather not run the risk, that's understandable, even if you do have a close friendship with the local Chief Constable and a few former heads of the various services.

Original poster
SierraJulietGolf · 04/11/2021 11:17

I absolutely agree with you.. Trouble is that they keep leaving.

I’ve given up on grooms. All the ones we’ve employed over the years have had egos inverse proportion to their height and are impudent little stoats. I can sympathise with Marylou. When it comes to anything do with the horses I’ve had to pay local schoolchildren a small fortune to muck them out, feed them and take them for a little hack. It’s fine in the holidays but many of them are boarders so simply aren’t around in the week at least.

Yes indeed I’ve had it with both the butler and the valet. Simultaneously. They are hopeless in every regard.

OP posts:
Arbitan · 04/11/2021 11:24

Bottom line, you just can’t get the staff.

AlfonsoTheUnrepentant · 04/11/2021 11:29

I think you need to find a house manager to manage the house manager. It is all very dreary but needs must.

Chin up, old bean.

MrsChiefPlod · 04/11/2021 11:38

Just be grateful that you only have the staff to worry about. At least your marriage is intact. MrChiefPlod came home yesterday with what is clearly a ladies' coat - it's purple, barely comes down to his bum and has no inside pockets. He came out with some nonsense about picking it up by accident at a soiree yesterday morning when everybody knows that soirees are an evening event. Do you know any shit hot lawyers?

Itonlymakesyoustronger · 04/11/2021 12:28

Am I too common not to understand anything of this thread? or is this a joke?

MamDancer · 04/11/2021 12:37

@Itonlymakesyoustronger

Am I too common not to understand anything of this thread? or is this a joke?
Hush now dear. Your Betters are talking.
DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 04/11/2021 12:42

@Marylou62 if you are struggling with your children's clothing may I suggest a nice sailor suit for your boy. Our local seamstress, Searle, has a small shop and sells some beautiful outfits

FOJN · 04/11/2021 12:43

Am I too common not to understand anything of this thread? or is this a joke?

It's a joke, the thread it's mocking was taken down for, "not in the spirit". If you'd seen the thread you would understand why this one is funny.

Swipe left for the next trending thread