To have had it with my butler and the valet

[SierraJulietGolf]

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

They sound like peasants!

*good Lady bad Lord?
🤣🤣

I am astonished to have found this thread.

I have written a poem about your soirée.

I did not care for the beef
It was dry
Also the conversation
Lacked
Sparkle

Such is life

Gosh you have it even worse than the poor lady whose cleaner emptied her bin without checking with her that everything in it was ok to be thrown away.

Tal45. Talk about first world problems. If all I had to worry about was the cleaner not hoiking toiletries out of rubbish bins I’d count myself blessed.

Shortpoet. Thank you for putting pen to paper. That is beautiful. I hope you can forgive me after yesterday embarrassing mantle incident and Grace us with your presence and work again in future. If you are any good with a mop and duster that would be even better.

@plinkplinkfizzer

You could save yourself a fortune by getting down to the workhouse , that's where I get all my staff ( on the cheap ) and train them up .😉

yes, but then they get a lucrative deal and go. what do you do?

@BaronessBomburst

You had it with the butler and the valet? Most people just have it with one of the gardeners. Surely that's sufficient.

I can recommend a good gamekeeper, very useful for relieving the tension.

I think perhaps you should trade in the Valet for a properly trained lady's maid, at least then your hair will be styled well. And a good one will keep her piece about the state your hair gets in whilst the tension is being reduced.

Only 4 beagles? How many labs?

As you know my medium is the English language rather than common household tools but such is the power of my expression, dust retreats in my presence.
(As do eligible men for reasons that I fail to understand).

I'm in tears of admiration at your grit, OP. Keep soldiering on, old gel. Illigitimi non carborundum, what.

@SierraJulietGolf

Ive learned so much about best practice in managing ones staff. I’m so glad I started this thread. Today starts a new era at Sierra House. No more Lady nice guy, no more please and thank you, no more smudged trays or mixed up coats. I’ve informed DH he must be consistent too. No good Lady bad Lord situations.

I shall get someone to contact The Lady and place advertisements to replace the butler and valet. I shall drain the swamp ( literally since I fired the groundsman). I feel so much brighter. Thank you everyone.

I can send you an excellent recipe for a Green Swizzle for your man to make. They certainly add vim and pep to my mornings. Stilton can't get up without one. Anyhow, must dash. I have a meeting with my editor this morning about my new novel "Only A Humble Shopgirl"

@SierraJulietGolf

Your a comedy genius I love this!

Get rid of them all. You need Miss Lucy Eyelesbarrow:

agathachristie.fandom.com/wiki/Lucy_Eyelesbarrow

I have another poem for you:

I am keeping the coat
That is too big
And smells of tobacco
And memories of a forgotten love

The sleeves smother my arms
Cover my hands
I feel like a child
In a dressing up costume

The colour makes my skin look sallow
And the buttons are on the wrong side

I am keeping the wrong coat

It has an inside pocket

As you know my medium is the English language rather than common household tools but such is the power of my expression, dust retreats in my presence.
(As do eligible men for reasons that I fail to understand

Well you are cordially invited to come round and repel dust with the power of your words. What a gift you have. Shame it seems they seem to have the same effect on eligible men. Quite honestly I’ve reached the conclusion that men are more bother than they’re worth. I’ve tried firing DH but he just refuses to leave muttering something about this house being in his family for generations and he’s dashed if he is going to leave it. The only time he ne will move out will be in a coffin he says. I told him I’m happy to send someone out to pick one up but he just walked off in a sulk.

*Why so vexed?

Was your pillow not fluffed properly?*

shortpoet. That is so poignant. It’s brought tears to my eyes. You are so very talented. I think I shall have a poetry festival as soon as I get a new set of staff . Would you be Sierra Houses poet laureate?

To whoever asked I have 6 labs. They’re all sired from the same dog and range from age 2 to 10. the 10 year old stinks like an old cheese and is utterly demented but we all adore her.

Darling, you should get an au pair. They make excellent house managers, and can even project manage major building works whilst you are living overseas! Mine is working on Crossrail as we speak, although I realise that isn’t an entirely positive recommendation.

i so much agree with this. thats what i thought when suggesting house manager. au pairs are as good as them.

A soireé is held in the evening - no wonder the staff were confused.

@SheldontheWonderSchlong

The most unbelievable thing about the OP is that you get your post at half 9 in the morning!

Yes. I am suspecting we are being served a red herring .

Red herrings should always be served with a beurre bland

Beurre blanc, damned autocorrect

It's the stiff upper lip in times of adversity that makes the upper classes really deserve their position.

@bibliomania I've just had to let the second scullerymaid go as she dropped on of the crown derby tureens on the floor and broke it. It's so hard to get the right staff.

I completely sympathize as the nannies bought the children down too early!
We were entertaining and I said to bring them in the drawing room before supper at 7pm..My guests were so looking forward to cooing over them ..She bought them in at 5 minutes past!!
And they weren't in the matching White Company night clothes I'd bought especially for these occasions. The baby was in an ordinary white babygro!!! (I actually think it was an M&S one! She knows these are only to be used at the very last resort..)
The wretched nanny said baby had been sick so had to change the baby which is why they were late. All said in front of the guests..!
I'm going to have to let her go aren't I?
Trouble is the weekend nanny has just handed in her notice and the trainee nanny has been poached by someone from Freddie's boarding school..I knew I shouldn't have let her take him back after the summer holidays but we were so busy with the horses..I'm usually so careful not to let my staff mix with other peoples staff as they do gossip about us you know?
My friends nanny told our previous nanny about a job that paid more, the hours were better and I think she even had the cheek to tell her that they would be treated better!!
I was so angry with my friend for allowing her nanny to be so forward..Needless to say my children no longer mix with others now..
My nannies still keep leaving though and I'm at a loss to know why...Any help to retain ones staff would be gratefully received..