To have had it with my butler and the valet

[SierraJulietGolf]

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

Indeed you just can’t get the staff. It’s the same with those scientists and physicians. What was Jacob doing when Boris was sanctioning painful Covid vaccinations?

I think you have it easy!
I've just read that someone's cleaning staff is not wearing footwear while working!
I have already passed out twice from the shock, luckily my handmaid was quick with the smelling salt

I think you have it easy!
It's not a race to the bottom. If you break one arm and someone else breaks both arms your one broken one still hurts like hell.

Do not listen to Daphne. Bert’s man is a drunk. I will put you in touch with one of Prince Philip’s house managers for one off fee of £100.

House managers are so essentials these days dear.

This is hilarious 😂 . Just nearly choked on my cornflakes reading this. Cheered up my otherwise dull and miserable morning

One would have thought your Underbutler could have stepped into the breach surely?
I know times are tough old bean, I had to let our pastry chef go last week and bless her the head cook tried her best, offering something called ‘kit kats’ of all things last week!

Which poet?

How can you have a 5 star poet is he a hotel?

I wouldn't say no to Phillips house manager. I'll PM you Mummy. He is sure to be at a loose end now the poor chap.

Only 3 MPs and not Mr PM? You must be terribly poor

"How can you have a 5 star poet is he a hotel?*. Maybe I didn't explain that clearly. They are a 5' (tall) award winning poet. I mentioned their height because she was given the Mayor's coat and he is 6'2 so the error was glaringly obvious to all as the poor women just totally disappeared into the garment. Not very dignified for a woman of such standing.

What is the name of the poet?

Was going to say YABU until I got to this: The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom - the man is clearly a fraud! I would have evicted him and his family from their cottage in vestigio. But the real issue is with your land steward, who should have known better than to engage such a wretch in the first place.

@Kpo58

Could you ask Jeeves to come over and sort it all out for you or Willikins to sort it all out in a very different way?

😂😂😂

Beagles ? Red setter ? Where were the corgis ?

Well actually darling, soiree is an evening party. Sack the lot of em I say!!

@SierraJulietGolf

Thanks. Glad to know I’m not over-reacting. I was thinking about reporting it to the police but then realised he was actually at the soirée and had been given the purple faux fur duster coat belonging to the poet. I honestly don’t think I can look him in the eye after that. God what a day. I can hardly bring myself to talk to the butler. He bought me my evening cocoa and Bath Oliver’s and it was all I could do to say thank you. I refuse to be petty though as that would be to lower my own standards.

This is your mistake, you give the orders you don't thank your staff, it makes them think above their station.

This is why I employ foreign staff, I only need a few words of their native tongue to give orders.

I can recommend an agency, but make sure you take their passports, keeps them in line.

I was so sure that this was going to be a thread where a cat was complaining about the in-house services and staff.

@SierraJulietGolf

Thanks. Glad to know I’m not over-reacting. I was thinking about reporting it to the police but then realised he was actually at the soirée and had been given the purple faux fur duster coat belonging to the poet. I honestly don’t think I can look him in the eye after that. God what a day. I can hardly bring myself to talk to the butler. He bought me my evening cocoa and Bath Oliver’s and it was all I could do to say thank you. I refuse to be petty though as that would be to lower my own standards.

Why are you saying thank you to staff? Any well-bred employer knows not to show them any manners whatsoever.

Also, how did you manage to find more than one viscount to invite? They’re in terribly short supply in my area.

If you will keep a very light staff they will play you. Staff your household properly and you will things run more smoothly. I should put an advert in the Lady for a couple of housemaids & a good plain cook, plus ask your husband to see about an under butler (you can't possibly hire a man yourself).

Loosen your corsets! You'll going to swoon if you're not careful.

In the morning get your horse saddled up and your best riding habit on then set the hounds on them and chase them off the estate . Don't go too easy with your riding crop.

@BaronessBomburst

You had it with the butler and the valet? Most people just have it with one of the gardeners. Surely that's sufficient.

😂

Can't get the bloody staff these days. Useless ungrateful bloodsuckers the lot of them. I had to go into my own kitchen yesterday, honestly, it was exhausting and took ages to find. Pah!

Ive learned so much about best practice in managing ones staff. I’m so glad I started this thread. Today starts a new era at Sierra House. No more Lady nice guy, no more please and thank you, no more smudged trays or mixed up coats. I’ve informed DH he must be consistent too. No good Lady bad Lord situations.

I shall get someone to contact The Lady and place advertisements to replace the butler and valet. I shall drain the swamp ( literally since I fired the groundsman). I feel so much brighter. Thank you everyone.

I shall drain the swamp ( literally since I fired the groundsman).

Goodness. You mustn't. Send someone over to Home Farm and have them send a man.