Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had it with my butler and the valet

330 replies

SierraJulietGolf · 03/11/2021 23:43

I had a small soirée for 20 friends this morning. My guests included a smattering of viscounts (not the chocolate biscuit), an award winning poet, 3 MPs and our Lord Mayor. The butler (who is nearing the end of his probationary period) mixed up all the guests coats meaning that the 5‘ award winning poet got the great coat of the Mayor who is 6‘2 and built like a brick shithouse. The Viscount was given the filthy green fleece belonging to my head gardener. I honestly didn’t know where to put myself I was so embarrassed.

My day had already got off to a terrible start as my useless valet brought the morning post to me at 11am when I know for a fact it was delivered at 9.30 as I heard all 4 of my beagles and the red setter barking their heads off. The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

IABU to give them both a written warning? I feel so bloody stressed out with the pair of idiots. The head gardener is on a final warning after pruning a rose bush while it was in full bloom. What the hell is wrong with people?

OP posts:
Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 04/11/2021 03:38

I sympathise enormously with your staffing issues. May I make a suggestion? Employ a young, virile gamekeeper. Mellors (my gamekeeper) has enormously reduced my stress levels.

BouncyMonk · 04/11/2021 03:40

The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess. He didn’t even seem to think there was a problem when I told him all this was unacceptable and he needed to shape up smartish.

YANBU

Tell that greasy fingered bastard to sling his hook.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/11/2021 03:47

I second the au pair house manager suggestion. But not all au pairs are equal. I can highly recommend a little Korean lady.

Fallinglaughing · 04/11/2021 03:53

TrevorFountain I think we have the same Lord Major ! (Vulgar little snot?Poor breeding?)
Op sorry to hear about the Help. Only one thing left to do : a good dose of worming tablets and tell Cook
to cancel food for a few days . Only way ,old bean, only way!

MrsMagnum · 04/11/2021 04:10

Are you sure the butler didn't do it?

Sproutpie · 04/11/2021 04:42

It wasn’t like this in the good old days. Carson would never have accepted these kind of goings on. Make them watch a few episodes of Downton. Tell them it’s a training video.

Original poster
SierraJulietGolf · 04/11/2021 04:47

MrsMagnum. Im not sure of anything anymore. I’m so hacked off with them. It’s 4.45 and I should be fast asleep in readiness for the hard work of the day ahead (nothing to do with feeling beastly after my covid booster yesterday either) yet here I am fretting. I do ache all over but that’s as nothing compared to the ache in my heart at the thought of yet another stressful, frustrating day with my hopeless staff.

Matilda. Your man Mellors sounds a real peach. Lucky you.

OP posts:
Damnloginpopup · 04/11/2021 05:11

Might I ask why the man of the house has not yet run them through? Or is he still out hunting bedspreads in the Raj?

Thedogscollar · 04/11/2021 05:29

@SierraJulietGolf
You must rid yourself of your useless butler immediately. He is clearly not fit for the job. You do not want to be the subject of gossip at the church coffee morning.

I have head Paul Burrell is looking for work. It's been a while but I'm sure butlering is like riding a bike and once he has put in a shift it'll just be like old times back at the palace.

Goodluck OP. I blame Brexit myself as you just can't get the staff these days as they all buggered off back to EuropeShock

Userguaranteed · 04/11/2021 05:47

Your inlaws did it. Goodness knows they can't be trusted ever, they hate you and you hate them; they rarely speak a word to you or the children and when they manage to rise to make a sound, it's all just piffle anyway.

ejhhhhh · 04/11/2021 05:53

Honestly OP, an aupair will solve all your problems. Literally the most efficient money I've ever spent. They'll literally work for nothing.

AlphabetAerobics · 04/11/2021 05:57

I sympathise. Whilst I’m more TOWIE than Downtown and therefore am based in Dubai, I’ve had similar staffing issues.

I have my maid an hour off to grieve the day after her mother died and she had the audacity to ask to fill a plastic bottle with clean tap water to take to her family! That on top of asking to wash HER uniform in MY machine.

I was so furious I gave her back her passport - cut it into quarters first though. They have to learn. Good luck finding another employer as generous as me!

Livebythecoast · 04/11/2021 06:23

Well I think you sound very precious and entitled OP.
My lazy staff husband are still in bed forcing me to make my own cup of tea AND feed my cat this morning before I start my groundhog day in the office.
Try to be a tad more grateful and think about us less fortunate, working class folk whilst you flounce around your manor.
Toodle pip Grin

EmKayEm · 04/11/2021 06:23

Why is your butler taking the coats of your guests?
Are you that short of staff?

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 04/11/2021 06:27

The most unbelievable thing about the OP is that you get your post at half 9 in the morning!

FOJN · 04/11/2021 06:27

The tray my post was on was smudged with fingerprints and looked a total mess.

Are white gloves not part of his uniform? I suspect you've been leaving staff below stairs to manage themselves and standards have slipped. Flog and fire one of the staff as an example to the others and things should improve.

Userguaranteed · 04/11/2021 06:30

The milkman just arrived...late again! Someone can't just get up on time, can they?

But never mind, heavens knows I'm in dire need of a steaming cup of shite this early morn.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 04/11/2021 06:53

@FOJN, butlers don't wear gloves, that's footmen. If she hadn't had to pay for the pesky roof repairs, the tray would have been pristine.

OP, you thank the staff? Why?! They'll start thinking they're actual humans, and then where will we be?

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 04/11/2021 07:05

OP, I can put you in touch with a most excellent agency. They have supplied my dear friend Bertie with a most capable valet recently and I'm certain they will replace your butler easily.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 04/11/2021 07:08

Your husband really should be organising his own man though - and why is he waiting on you ? Don't you have a lady's maid ? Shocking

Still1nLove · 04/11/2021 07:16

Oh dear OP, I hope you have a better day today

user174793992 · 04/11/2021 07:18

😆😆😆

Sorrynotsorry2 · 04/11/2021 07:22

I think yabu... is it written in the valet contract to bring the mail immediately ?, if not you haven't got a leg to stand on .

Also , find a professional gardener to prune your Bush better !

Doubledoorsontogarden · 04/11/2021 07:22

Ltb

Original poster
SierraJulietGolf · 04/11/2021 07:23

Why is your butler taking the coats of your guests?
Are you that short of staff?

Yes. Indeed I am. The gardener is tutoring the children in the holidays . The footman has been given the boot and DH and I are sharing a man . If this keeps going I shall have to consider a job. Obviously that's the very last resort as I simply don't know how I'd fit one in.

I'm sorry for all of you who having similar problems. Unless you've been in this position I don't think it's possible to understand all the ramifications of how stressful and exhausting it all is.. yes our post comes at 9.30 am. It's a sign that not everything in this once proud nation isn't totally fucked.

OP posts: