Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect our Nanny to do more...?

117 replies

squeakstick · 03/11/2021 21:45

I have recently returned to work from maternity leave and have hired a nanny two days a week to look after our son. We are about 2 months in to her employment. My logic for choosing a nanny over nursery is that I can still see him on my breaks as I work from home, and also I hoped she would help around the house a bit too. I did say this in the interview and she was fine with light chores but that was months ago.

The nanny is really good with our son which is the most important thing. However she literally does nothing else. She doesn't wash up his lunch things or dinner things. She doesn't prepare meals, I have to get it all ready. At the moment our son naps for about 2 hours in the day and she literally just sits on the sofa and scrolls through her phone for the whole time.

I just wanted other opinions on if IABU to expect more? Perhaps it is normal to just care for the child and do nothing else. I think it is partly my fault for not setting expectations as I did say to her "make sure you have a break when he naps" and now the Britishness in me is too awkward to bring it up.

If I was employed in any role, I would take an hour lunch break, but would proactively find jobs outside of this time to help my employer out and earn my hourly rate. I find confrontation really difficult, but would really like it if she took an hour break, but then after that used the time to wash up his lunch things / tidy his toys away / and potentially even run the hoover round / hang the washing out etc for the rest of the time he naps.

So...AIBU to expect that our nanny should do more to help around the house?

OP posts:
RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 03/11/2021 21:47

I think you need to give her a set 1 hr lunch break at the time he naps but make it clear what else you expect her to do. Did you ever give her a proper job description?

LennyMurdoch · 03/11/2021 21:47

What's in the contract?

TheKeatingFive · 03/11/2021 21:49

YANBU to expect her to cook / clean up after your DS, but this is normally something that's clarified in the job description. Do you have a formal contract with her?

gogohm · 03/11/2021 21:52

It's normal for a nanny to cook and clear up after the child, do the child's washing etc but you need to specify, I'm guessing she's not professionally trained?

SW1amp · 03/11/2021 21:53

As a bare minimum, she should be doing ‘nursery duties’ of all his laundry, food prep and clearing up, tidying

Having had nannies for several years, the best tip I can give you is to not let any issues fester

As soon as there is something that irks you, bring it up and find a way through
Equally, be open to the nanny doing the same with you.

Perhaps it would be a good point to have a check in with her and ask her how things are going from her perspective, and then offer her some feedback on how she can improve around this.

But don’t be defensive, it is a goos opportunity to make sure you are both happy

And… you can’t compare her lunch break during his naps with yours in an office
She isn’t free to go for a walk or go to the gym or a lot of things you could

So don’t have her on the clock, but it is reasonable to expect her to use that ‘down time’ to complete other duties relating to her role

stalkersaga · 03/11/2021 21:56

@SW1amp

As a bare minimum, she should be doing ‘nursery duties’ of all his laundry, food prep and clearing up, tidying

Having had nannies for several years, the best tip I can give you is to not let any issues fester

As soon as there is something that irks you, bring it up and find a way through
Equally, be open to the nanny doing the same with you.

Perhaps it would be a good point to have a check in with her and ask her how things are going from her perspective, and then offer her some feedback on how she can improve around this.

But don’t be defensive, it is a goos opportunity to make sure you are both happy

And… you can’t compare her lunch break during his naps with yours in an office
She isn’t free to go for a walk or go to the gym or a lot of things you could

So don’t have her on the clock, but it is reasonable to expect her to use that ‘down time’ to complete other duties relating to her role

^this.

It is normal and expected for a nanny to cook for the child and wash up, tidy toys at the end of the day, etc. But you are her legal employer. If something is not working for you it is your responsibility to say so, clearly and early. If you can't tell her that you aren't happy with someone, you should not take on the responsibility of being an employer because you aren't up to it.

stalkersaga · 03/11/2021 21:57

...aren't happy with someTHING.

SickAndTiredAgain · 03/11/2021 21:59

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a nanny to prepare the child’s lunch - to me that would seem a very standard part of the job. Obviously nothing complicated and I’d make sure I had the food in, but I wouldn’t expect to be making the sandwich, or whatever, myself.

As for nap time, I guess the things you’re thinking she could be doing then are more like actual chores? Which I think would need to be discussed and agreed upon specifically as part of her job. I think a general keeping tidy of the child’s toys is reasonable but anything that extends into cleaning for the rest of the family (hoovering etc) is different.

Audreyhelp · 03/11/2021 22:00

I am a nanny I don’t get a break if child sleeps I tidy up or batch cook.

WheelieBinPrincess · 03/11/2021 22:00

So, what’s in the contract?

As a nanny I’m responsible for ALL things child related, ironing, bed linen, cooking etc. I tidy up the mess we generate together during the day but I wouldn’t be impressed if I had to clean up a load stuff and tidy off the back of the weekend when I wasn’t there, for example- although sometimes it’s a one off.

Has she got much experience as a nanny?

minipie · 03/11/2021 22:01

Absolutely she should be doing his meals and cleaning up after them. Don’t feel shy about asking her to do this. It’s a standard nanny expectation.

And no don’t give her a set lunch hour! What happens when he drops his nap?

You’ve been looking after him till recently - what were you able to achieve whilst looking after him? Expect the same of your nanny.

Be a bit careful about the “still see him while on my breaks”. This can be very difficult and disruptive for a nanny if it feels like mummy is dropping in the whole time (baby gets confused/wants mummy) and also can make a nanny feel watched/micromanaged.

Jangle33 · 03/11/2021 22:03

I’d expect her to do all clearing up, and the baby’s laundry. Plus other baby related jobs and food prep. You need a job description fast.

NellieBertram · 03/11/2021 22:04

All reasonable:
Cleaning up after herself and the baby
Cooking baby's food
Doing baby's washing

Have a review, ask her to do "nursery duties" and be specific.

SickAndTiredAgain · 03/11/2021 22:05

You’ve been looking after him till recently - what were you able to achieve whilst looking after him?Expect the same of your nanny.

I’m not sure I agree with this unless I’ve misunderstood you. OP might have cleaned the family bathroom while her son napped, but I don’t think that’s a standard nanny responsibility.

SpookyPumpkinPants · 03/11/2021 22:06

Don't underestimate how difficult it is to be a nanny when the parent(s) work from home.

IMO if you find a nanny that's happy to work for you when you're WFH & is good with your child/ren, I wouldn't let the other stuff bother me. Especially when it's only a couple of days a week, not full time.

But if it's bothering you then you could say, now she's settled in, could she please pick up the nanny duties such as tidying up the toys at the end if the day & doing the dishes her & DS make during the day etc.

You shouldn't need to, she should be more aware herself, but maybe she feels she's treading on your toes or something or maybe she's just a bit lazy...

Has she had other nanny jobs?

Original poster
squeakstick · 03/11/2021 22:07

So I have just dug out the contract and attach a pic. Have redacted DS name. So it does say about housework in that section. But I am not a stickler for a set hour and expect her do to everything. I have a cleaner that comes separately on the day she is there. She is really lovely and good with my son. Maybe I need to just own it and say something as it seems from the responses this is not normal. I just hoped it was obvious I expect things like this from the contract and the initial interview. I find it awkward to be critical.

AIBU to expect our Nanny to do more...?
OP posts:
stalkersaga · 03/11/2021 22:12

...that contract does go well beyond what is typically expected of a nanny, IME. Hoovering the whole house? Making sure you don't run out of milk and doing the shopping? Those are your job, not the nanny's. Where did you get the contract from?

ALittleBitWorrriedNow · 03/11/2021 22:12

When I worked as a nanny I used to cook family meals while the little one was asleep. I don’t remember even having a lunch break but suppose I probably did sit down for 10 mins and have a cup of tea. This was in the days before smart phones so there were no distractions.

Original poster
squeakstick · 03/11/2021 22:13

She used to work in a nursery for the last 5 years so has lots of experience with children. She was then a nanny before that so has had experience just not recently. I try to be very good at not "dropping in" even though I WFH. If anything I try to sneak back to my office so as not to bother them. I even text her to say I need a wee / drink and don't want to intrude / make my son confused that I can't stay and play, so she will take him upstairs. Also I do go into the office sometimes too so it's not like I am always there interfering.

When I look after him I feel I spend my time trying to play / clear up / make meals ie general multi tasking whereas she is purely dedicated to playing with him and has no other responsibilities (even though it is in the contract)

OP posts:
stalkersaga · 03/11/2021 22:13

Oh, hold on, I can see that the contract does specify that it's just for the child in most cases, but I still think some of those are a bit of a stretch. The nanny should clean up any active messes made by the child, but I wouldn't expect more than that.

minipie · 03/11/2021 22:15

SickandTired yes sorry I didn’t mean non child related stuff.

I was thinking of my own first baby who was very high needs, grouchy and for a long time didn’t nap except in a moving buggy! So I wasn’t able to get much in the way of clearing up after meals, batch cooking etc done till DH was home. Whereas with a baby who is happy to be put down and naps well, I would expect things like clearing up to get done.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 03/11/2021 22:15

Right at the top of the contract is says "employer may ask you from time to time" have you asked her to do it?

Original poster
squeakstick · 03/11/2021 22:15

@stalkersaga Think it's a bit harsh to say "I am not up to being an employer" I am just trying to gaugue if my request is reasonable and ask opinions on how to address it as it's all new to me.

I got the contract from NannyPaye. Like I say I am not a stickler for the rules / set lunch breaks and don't expect her to do all of that. I am very easy going. I just expect a bit more than to sit on the sofa scrolling through her phone for 2 hours. I didn't think I would have to specify that - I thought it would be obvious!

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 03/11/2021 22:16

You don't need to be critical.
Did you agree to a probation period?(sorry can't see contract)if so sit down,ask her how she feels then bring up a reminder about caring for your dc covers all aspects of care i.e. His meals,clothes,toys etc .
If no probation you can have a catch up when dc is asleep and talking it through then.
Good luck

elbea · 03/11/2021 22:18

The contract is too much, she shouldn’t be hoovering your house. Maybe rewrite it and come to an agreement on things like cooking your child tea and washing his clothes only.