AIBU to expect our Nanny to do more...?

[squeakstick]

I have recently returned to work from maternity leave and have hired a nanny two days a week to look after our son. We are about 2 months in to her employment. My logic for choosing a nanny over nursery is that I can still see him on my breaks as I work from home, and also I hoped she would help around the house a bit too. I did say this in the interview and she was fine with light chores but that was months ago.

The nanny is really good with our son which is the most important thing. However she literally does nothing else. She doesn't wash up his lunch things or dinner things. She doesn't prepare meals, I have to get it all ready. At the moment our son naps for about 2 hours in the day and she literally just sits on the sofa and scrolls through her phone for the whole time.

I just wanted other opinions on if IABU to expect more? Perhaps it is normal to just care for the child and do nothing else. I think it is partly my fault for not setting expectations as I did say to her "make sure you have a break when he naps" and now the Britishness in me is too awkward to bring it up.

If I was employed in any role, I would take an hour lunch break, but would proactively find jobs outside of this time to help my employer out and earn my hourly rate. I find confrontation really difficult, but would really like it if she took an hour break, but then after that used the time to wash up his lunch things / tidy his toys away / and potentially even run the hoover round / hang the washing out etc for the rest of the time he naps.

So...AIBU to expect that our nanny should do more to help around the house?

YANBU - I trained as a Nanny over 35 years ago, always did Nursery Duties (and much more off my own back). I could never just sit there for 2 hours. That said I could never have been a Nanny with the Mum at home all day, it rarely works out well (even though I get you’re WFH).

Agree, I think her scope includes all things child related.

That means preparing child’s food, washing up after preparing and eating; washing/drying/putting away child’s clothes and bedding; cleaning up areas child is in due to child related mess.

I would not expect anything not related to the child such as cooking for adults, adult laundry, general cleaning etc.

The bits that got me where where she should make sure there were enough supplies and clean washing for the weekend? When she is not on duty but you are?

The contract is all wrong and you both need clear boundaries.

The very most a nanny has ever done, (when I had older children, and she wanted a few more hours work while the kids were at school) was all the washing, rather than just the kids washing (and even then I kept the underwear back as I felt odd with the idea of asking her to do that).

Everything related to the child - yes. Other stuff? By negotiation only.

Wow - looking at this thread, I would hate to be a nanny. Sounds like all of the worst household jobs, plus looking after a creator of mess 🤪

I'd sit down with her ASAP
Have the contract which she signed
Go through it
Maybe lose a few things....or re word ....checking you have milk etc for weekends....maybe change for ....if I leave a small list of bits could you pick them up on a Friday ?
Hoovering whole house ....no ....that's the cleaners job
Ask her to wash up after food prep and meals ..by hand
Ask her if there's anything she likes to eat ...ie when you make 😊lunch what can I add to the food shop for you ???

She should absolutely be preparing and tidying up all meals. With our nannies, I would ask for a shopping list and then i'd add what they needed to the family grocery delivery list. One of ours ironed all DS's clothes, one didn't.

For those saying the contract goes beyond the duties of a nanny, it's kind of irrelevant, isn't it!? Seeing as she signed the contract, that's what she should be expected to do?

If the nanny wasn't happy with the responsibilities of the role she shouldn't have signed the contract.

When I worked as a Nanny I changed the childrens' beds, washed their sheets, did their laundry, kept bedrooms tidy, kept playroom tidy, planned & prepared meals and cleaned up afterwards.

The contract seems quite vague, you need to set out the duties clearly and concisely like a job description, imagine it’s one from your employer. I would be confused with this one as it states “from time to time” and she is probably expecting you to tell her when

Hung up on the contract? The contract is important as it sets out the responsibilities expected of the nanny. Is she supposed to read minds? Sorry but you need to be clear with her.

I would expect her to sort out your son’s things but hoovering and hanging out the family washing are not really nanny duties. Speak to her and tell her your expectations but don’t see her as a cleaner/housekeeper on top. Think of what you’d expect a nursery to do-wash your child’s things but you wouldn’t take your laundry along. Try not to see it as confrontation but rather clarification of her role.

As a comparison we have a part time nanny and even when no-one naps she'll tidy the play area, fold laundry (the whole family's... I've had to start hiding my pants), do dishes/load dishwasher and frankly I expect if that if I asked her to make meals she would (I prefer to do this myself). We've not formally requested any of these things - she's an incredibly proactive woman and just sees things that need getting on with. She's also paid and treated well, and we don't ever bring her in to a messy space or make unreasonable demands on her, I don't think.

You need to sit down for a chat and ask her to do what she should fairly be doing. Sitting on her phone for two hours sounds either lazy or woefully misunderstanding of her role.

That contract looks like a cleaning contract

Having had a morning nanny for a couple of years, l mostly had lunch prepared but on the odd occasion she would make pasta etc.

I would never dream of asking a nanny to hoover the whole house and do the daily washing up!

I’d be very happy for the focus to be on my child and for the nanny to eat something and have a break when they nap.

@Lulu1919

Genuine question, why would you ask your nanny to wash up ‘by hand’. Would you not accept dishes and utensils to be put in the dishwasher

@PeoplePleaserBe

Where is *@Blondeshavemorefun* ? She always gives good information.

I think the nanny signed the Contract knowingly & therefore should provide the work.

Bless you. I was in bed early as been working nights all week

Will have a read and give you my wisdom 😂

Have you have a chat with them about how things are going and about what things you expect them to be doing?

Set out your expectations, keep reiterating those every now and then.

A bit of micro management may be needed at first, then it may become automatic to them to do certain tasks throughout the day.
Make sure they know how to use things, such as what programme(s) to use on the washing machine, what to set the dishwasher on, where supplies are stored.

I would say something like
"Once you've had your hour's lunch break, would you make make sure that XXX are done? You know I don't expect you to do anything that relates to mess that I've made, but it would be great if you could tidy up his things and do his washing up so the kitchen is clear for me later on".
Say it in a friendly way and repeat daily if you have to.

[quote Tillsforthrills]@Lulu1919

Genuine question, why would you ask your nanny to wash up ‘by hand’. Would you not accept dishes and utensils to be put in the dishwasher [/quote]
I was thinking is she was just washing up from sandwich making ....as the poster says she leaves things on the side by the sink

I would introduce a to-do list. Maybe laminated and stuck on the fridge. I'd have a discussion with the nannan about which will be regular priorities and which you'd like her to get through in her downtime, but I would also still insist she takes her legal break allowance.

Then I would schedule this in to your monthly 121s and discuss what's going well. What isn't going well and then if needs be, time for a written warning.

Nanny* goodness

Ok. First of all she did sign and agree to contract

So tech she should do what is in it - but equally as others have pointed out , you mention time to time , if you say to her etc

You haven’t mentioned it to her

Nannies are not mind readers. If there is a problem then talk to your nanny

Equally - the contract is way over the top for a nanny

God knows why she signed it as that is NOT a standard nanny contract

Nannypaye are a tax company aren’t they ? They know bugger all about nannys and duties imo

But maybe she didn’t know any diff

She is there 2 days. Why should she clean the bathroom and house of the weeks dirt , plus do all the washing - that’s very unfair

You say he has food prepared by you so maybe she just takes out something you have made , as that’s what you do

Yes she should do nursery duties - so preparing his meals - and maybe a load of washing - but not a weeks worth and def not cleaning the house

Popping in to see your child , makes it hard for the nanny. Esp when you leave - we have to pick up the pieces again

Yes obv as a parent you want to see your child but if you were in the office you wouldn’t be popping in

A nanny does not have a set lunch hour. She can not go to the shops or have a nap etc - yes she needs time out - 2hrs is a lot so I would suggest

she make a meal each day and portion and freeze it

Hangs one load of washing in those two days

Makes sure his bed room /playing area is tidy

Tho this doesn’t mean she tidies up a weeks worth

Then yes sit on her bum. Go on phone. Relax. Have lunch

He won’t sleep 2hrs forever

You also mention your child is happy with her which is a good thing

So have a chat , change contract and hope gets sorted

YANBU

This is part of what differentiates nanny from babysitter

Definitely expected to prepare and clean up food and tidy up toys/activities. Kids' laundry as well usually.

You'll need to discuss it with her but as far as being reasonable yes that is the usual expectation.

She’s used to working in a nursery; this is a new role and you need to treat her like an employee in the workplace who has just been promoted. I’ve hired nannies from nursery jobs before and it’s very much a case of showing them exactly what the extra £5/hour requires. Be clear in granular detail what you expect and maybe even amend the contract. Once you’ve done that, review it after a month. Let her know as well that staring at a phone while she’s on duty, let alone for 2 hours straight, is not permitted.
It’s a job not a favour she’s doing you

god i had one like this who was all high and mighty about "childcare is a job". No shit Sherlock, but you don't just sit still vacantly for all the nap periods. Just like normal adults don't. Course it's reasonable to ask her to do a few chores during nap periods. If she's worked in a nursery she'll be used to being very busy and mucking in with chores, looking after one at home is a doddle by comparison. I don't think she should be a housekeeper but at least keep the child's room clean and tidy and clean up his bottles and washing.