AIBU to expect our Nanny to do more...?

[squeakstick]

I have recently returned to work from maternity leave and have hired a nanny two days a week to look after our son. We are about 2 months in to her employment. My logic for choosing a nanny over nursery is that I can still see him on my breaks as I work from home, and also I hoped she would help around the house a bit too. I did say this in the interview and she was fine with light chores but that was months ago.

The nanny is really good with our son which is the most important thing. However she literally does nothing else. She doesn't wash up his lunch things or dinner things. She doesn't prepare meals, I have to get it all ready. At the moment our son naps for about 2 hours in the day and she literally just sits on the sofa and scrolls through her phone for the whole time.

I just wanted other opinions on if IABU to expect more? Perhaps it is normal to just care for the child and do nothing else. I think it is partly my fault for not setting expectations as I did say to her "make sure you have a break when he naps" and now the Britishness in me is too awkward to bring it up.

If I was employed in any role, I would take an hour lunch break, but would proactively find jobs outside of this time to help my employer out and earn my hourly rate. I find confrontation really difficult, but would really like it if she took an hour break, but then after that used the time to wash up his lunch things / tidy his toys away / and potentially even run the hoover round / hang the washing out etc for the rest of the time he naps.

So...AIBU to expect that our nanny should do more to help around the house?

@stalkersaga Think it's a bit harsh to say "I am not up to being an employer

I didn't say you necessarily are. I said that someone who can't bring up things they're unhappy with is. And I stand by it. Part of the responsibility of being an employer is being able to tell an employee directly what you need them to do. Stewing is deeply unfair and quickly becomes unworkable.

Yes you need to clarify and be firm about it. Otherwise its unworkable. If you were working outside the home would she just not make him meals??? It must seem a bit like buying a dog and doing the barking yourself!

I let our nanny go for similar reasons. She had been very good for many years but got lazy and sloppy. She'd make dinner for my child, also herself and her children who she brought along. All absolutely fine. But leave all the plates, pans, glasses, sticky mess all over the table. I'd get back from London at 7.30pm and she'd skip out the door. I'd then spend half an hour cleaning up. I'd feel like I was working for her not the other way around! She used to supervise my child's homework and get her bathed/ into pyjamas. That gradually stopped. One of her own children seemed to save up a weeks worth of shit and splatter the toilet bowl with it - again left for me to clear up. I'd talk to her about all this, she'd giggle and say she forgot but nothing changed. Eventually covid arrived and WFH so we didn't need her. Paid her due another 6 months and then let her go (as now have a part time home working arrangement permanently). If she'd remained an asset I would have had her back ... but she was just more trouble than she was worth in the end. She's asked for her job back a few times and I've said sorry, no.

If I employed a nanny again it wouldn't be her. There are better ones out there and I'd give you the same advice.

The arrangement should be mutually beneficial, not that one party feels lucky or desperate to have the other's favour.

From nanny Paye?!

Some of those duties are typical of a nanny yes but some really are not. Did you mix it with housekeeper duties? You have a cleaner, the nanny is not an extension of that.

You can’t just stew over this as it just build resentment. Be an adult about it and ask her for a chat to make sure your expectations both line up. It’s something I would do informally once a month anyway as the child’s needs will change slightly as they grow up. Just say that whilst you are happy for her to take an hour for lunch the rest of her time during the nap should be used to cook, sort out laundry etc and you expect her to do more than she is now and use her initiative. She is not going to magically change her behaviour unless you make her aware.

I think the contract stretches beyond normal nanny duties. Ours would get the hoover out if the kids had thrown their breakfast all over the place but not general hoovering. We also didn’t expect her to do shopping unless it was exceptional (kids spilt a carton of milk so it needed replacing) or if the nanny wanted something specific (eg to do baking with DC).

BUT it sounds like your nanny isn’t even doing basic nanny duties, never mind some of the bits of the contract that seem a bit excessive. Our nanny generally left the place as she found it - so toys put away, lunch things washed up, etc. She also washed and folded the kids clothes.

I think the contract stretches beyond normal nanny duties.

That doesn't really matter though. The nanny agreed, and has signed it, and now isn't doing it. That wouldn't stand in other jobs!

That contract says 'you may be asked from time to time'...suggesting you will occasionally ask for some of those things to be done. So have you asked?

It later mentions 'without prompting' which makes no sense.

It says on the first line may be required when asked if you don't ask she won't know

I think the contract stretches beyond normal nanny duties.

That doesn't really matter though. The nanny agreed, and has signed it, and now isn't doing it. That wouldn't stand in other jobs!

....this.

Some posts are getting hung up on the contract. I just paid for a standard contract from nanny paye. I have no experience so just went with what theirs said. However it's not really about the contract as she doesn't do any of that and I don't expect her to do all of that. I have a cleaner who does the hoovering, cleans the bathrooms etc. I would just like the nanny to wash up / clear up a bit more.

I appreciate all the advice. I will do a monthly check in as I do that with my other employees in my actual job so it makes sense. I'll just be honest and say I am happy for her to have a break but don't expect her to sit on her phone for two hours and leave all the washing up. She does sometimes do lunch / dinner. Again it's probably my fault as he doesn't often just have a sandwich that's easy he'll have all homemade stuff from the what mummy makes book like sweet potato and carrot rostis, home made lasagne, chickpea fritters, cauliflower patties etc so I often just have it all prepared and ready to heat up!

Whilst it's annoying she isn't more proactive I also take responsibility for not setting proper expectations. I don't want it to stew so I will have to just deal with it no matter how awkward I find it.

Hmm sounds more like a child minder than a Nanny... ive always assumed a Nanny does the preparing of food, washing up after it taking them out etc whereas a child minder would literally watch the child

I agree that the first line is confusing the issue. It implies that she only needs do to any of those tasks when specifically asked. In fact, I would argue that list includes some things she should be doing every day as a matter of course (tidying up his toys, doing his washing, cooking his meals) and some things she shouldn’t ever be expected to do (hoovering the whole house, cleaning toilets)

She should be clearing up his lunch dishes and any mess he makes and should be preparing simple meals for him to eat.

As a nanny she generally wouldn’t be hoovering your house or hanging out your washing. Nannies usually do ‘nursery duties’ so childcare related housework, not cleaning duties.

But why would she do any of that if you have not asked her to? She isn't a mind reader and doesn't know either what you want her to do or that actually you don't really mean what the contract states and want her to take initiative. I feel very sorry for her as the contract is confusing enough and you are even more unclear yourself.

Yup.. have a chat.. tell her what you expect, write a new set of child related chores that need to be done:

Daily tasks:

• Prepare child's meals and freeze leftover portions, write a list of ingredients that should be included on the next shopping order
• Wash dishes and clear away food prep items, wipe surfaces and sweep / mop floor if necessary after meals
• Child's laundry, wash, hang, fold, (iron) and put away
• Keep child's toys tidy
• Tidy up at the end of the day

Weekly tasks

• Change bed sheets (unless your cleaner does this)

Occasional Tasks: As requested by employer

• Shopping for occasional food items as required

You could also add that you do not expect her to do household laundry, cleaning, cooking for the family and you will commit to ensuring that the house will be reasonably tidy and clean when she arrives and that between you, you will empty the dishwasher when required.

@squeakstick - hang on, did I read that right? You paid for that contract? That makes no sense? I'd ask for my money back.

She's lazy. At least she should be washing up his meal dishes and preparing a simple lunch. And doing a bit of tidying up if your ds is asleep for two hours. I think you should say something. But I think it must be hsrd for the nanny if you wfh.

Blimey nanny paye actually charged for that?

I don’t take WFH nanny jobs (occasionally is fine but I’ll not work for permanent WFH parents anymore) I’m sole charge and it just doesn’t work for me. Having said that I’m really proactive and wouldn’t need to be told to take care of any childcare duties…but I work these around my own schedule, we go out and about a lot, to the park, classes etc- does your nanny not get to do that?

@honeylulu

Yes you need to clarify and be firm about it. Otherwise its unworkable. If you were working outside the home would she just not make him meals??? It must seem a bit like buying a dog and doing the barking yourself!

I let our nanny go for similar reasons. She had been very good for many years but got lazy and sloppy. She'd make dinner for my child, also herself and her children who she brought along. All absolutely fine. But leave all the plates, pans, glasses, sticky mess all over the table. I'd get back from London at 7.30pm and she'd skip out the door. I'd then spend half an hour cleaning up. I'd feel like I was working for her not the other way around! She used to supervise my child's homework and get her bathed/ into pyjamas. That gradually stopped. One of her own children seemed to save up a weeks worth of shit and splatter the toilet bowl with it - again left for me to clear up. I'd talk to her about all this, she'd giggle and say she forgot but nothing changed. Eventually covid arrived and WFH so we didn't need her. Paid her due another 6 months and then let her go (as now have a part time home working arrangement permanently). If she'd remained an asset I would have had her back ... but she was just more trouble than she was worth in the end. She's asked for her job back a few times and I've said sorry, no.

If I employed a nanny again it wouldn't be her. There are better ones out there and I'd give you the same advice.

The arrangement should be mutually beneficial, not that one party feels lucky or desperate to have the other's favour.

I also had a nanny like this. I also let her go. I really didn't expect a show home but I did not expect to get home to an absolute ransacked house. I raised it a couple of times but to no avail. I then employed someone who was basically like Mary Poppins. I came home to spotless house, dinner in the oven, bathed children who were exhausted following a day of activity. I loved her !

Put your big girl pants on OP. You need to ask her to do a bit more

I've used a nannypaye standard contract and it looked nothing like that - however it does let you insert your own needs, presumably op has done that? It's not particularly fair to the company, unless their contract writing has gone way down hill.

Nothing to add on the rest beyond the good advice already given, and sounds like you've got a good plan OP.

Some posts are getting hung up on the contract Because it's really important. No wonder she's confused if you gave her that bizarre contract, then told her you don't actually expect her to do it and she should take a break when the baby naps.

You need to write a contract (or at least that page) to show what you actually want her to do, and then tell her you've realised the old contract was inappropriate and here's a new one. Use it as a fresh start.

Where is @Blondeshavemorefun ?
She always gives good information.

I think the nanny signed the Contract knowingly & therefore should provide the work.

I no think you need to locate your big girl pants and put them on op!

Ok,it depends on alot of things. Is she being paid the rate of a nanny or a childminder who is minding in your home?
If she is a nanny for your son twice a week, is she a nanny elsewhere the other days? Maybe she is and they don't expect her to do anything else?
I would at least expect her to tidy up after him but not laundry etc as she's not a maid.