AIBU to expect our Nanny to do more...?

[squeakstick]

I have recently returned to work from maternity leave and have hired a nanny two days a week to look after our son. We are about 2 months in to her employment. My logic for choosing a nanny over nursery is that I can still see him on my breaks as I work from home, and also I hoped she would help around the house a bit too. I did say this in the interview and she was fine with light chores but that was months ago.

The nanny is really good with our son which is the most important thing. However she literally does nothing else. She doesn't wash up his lunch things or dinner things. She doesn't prepare meals, I have to get it all ready. At the moment our son naps for about 2 hours in the day and she literally just sits on the sofa and scrolls through her phone for the whole time.

I just wanted other opinions on if IABU to expect more? Perhaps it is normal to just care for the child and do nothing else. I think it is partly my fault for not setting expectations as I did say to her "make sure you have a break when he naps" and now the Britishness in me is too awkward to bring it up.

If I was employed in any role, I would take an hour lunch break, but would proactively find jobs outside of this time to help my employer out and earn my hourly rate. I find confrontation really difficult, but would really like it if she took an hour break, but then after that used the time to wash up his lunch things / tidy his toys away / and potentially even run the hoover round / hang the washing out etc for the rest of the time he naps.

So...AIBU to expect that our nanny should do more to help around the house?

I had this issue with a previous nanny, like yours had previously worked in a nursery setting. It became apparent that when working at the nursery the meals / snacks were provided by other staff & were also cleared away by those staff. She sort of applied that to the nanny role, I was obviously the clearing away staff. Anyway I did have a word with & reminded her of the job description etc. It didn’t work out, she just didn’t get to grips with all aspects.
I have a new nanny with lots of experience. I wfh too & it’s clear she runs a fun operation with military precision. I start the day ensuring the downstairs is tidy & breakfast cleared & she ends the day in the same way. When my youngest naps she tidies the kids room/ toys / prepares dinner. She also manages it when all three are at home. Whilst you might feel British about it, your nanny is only fulfilling part of her role. Give her the opportunity to address it, if she doesn’t I would find a new nanny.

I was a nanny for a long time, here's what I think is reasonable:

Prepares breakfast and lunch: simple but nutritious meals, and cleans up fully

Emptying dishwasher

Putting away baby laundry

Clean up toys and play things from their day together.

If I was you I would go to her and say, "I apologize if I wasn't clear about my expectations for the role. For the record we love what an amazing bond you have with baby and appreciate your work so much. While I'm working I really need to be able to focus so going forward I would like you to prepare baby's meals and I'm happy to give some examples of what will work for her if you need them. Additionally we need some of the light housekeeping we discussed in your interview, cleaning up the baby's toys, cleaning up after her meals, only her mess, not mine I promise! Putting away her laundry and emptying the dishwasher each morning. Does this seem reasonable to you? I don't want you to feel bad at all because the miscommunication is completely my fault and I want to reiterate that we are so so happy with the job you have done with her. I also want to make sure you have a set break each day so let's schedule that in advance to make sure that it never gets missed."

I'm a nanny & have always cleared up . I would never sit on my phone for 2 hours .. I cook families meals , tidy up , do washing's . Tbh I would feel so guilty sitting abt doing nothing & getting paid for it lol .. I worked in nursery schools before I went On to become a nanny . It's part of the job to clear up ! The rest I do because I want to help .. I will sit down have a cup of tea extra but that's it

Its completely unreasonable to expect her to do jobs that haven't been specified in her initial contract. Just tell her what you want her to do straight or just stop complainingif you are unable to. She isn't psychic.

You have asked her to clean the toilet/vacuum/wash the family laundry?
That is bizarre.

When I had a nanny, she tidied up after DC and sometimes folded their clothes. We generally had all food frozen in batches in the freezer and she defrosted as needed. She'd make porridge in the morning and make toast.
I wouldn't have asked her to clean the kitchen or go to the supermarket but I did ask her to tidy up the kitchen after DC's meals and stack the dishwasher rather than leave in the sink.

When DC was sleeping, she'd make her own lunch and watch tv. Naturally this time decreased as DC got older.

In hindsight, I think she should have done more but I was uncomfortable bringing it up. DC loved her and that was what mattered most. Also she was older than many in that profession and I always presumed she would feel tired after running around after DC/going on walks/to playgroups/to the playground.

I was overly anxious not to see her as 'paid help' and for the children not to see her like that either.

However, your nanny should tidy up after DC and prepare meals for DC.

Sounds like it's mostly a communication issue.

Your agreement with her lists tasks and says you will ask her to do them.

You told her to have a break when baby naps and haven't actually asked her to do any tasks.

The simplest thing to do is to ask her to prepare his meals and clean up after next week.
If there's some of his laundry to do, say to her "when X is napping, after you've had your break could you please do his laundry"

Shehasadiamondinthesky

Its completely unreasonable to expect her to do jobs that haven't been specified in her initial contract. Just tell her what you want her to do straight or just stop complainingif you are unable to. She isn't psychic.

This

I wouldn't expect her to do his laundry but she should certainly make his meals and tidy his toys after he has played with them.

Does she go outside with him? If it was me Id be out doing stuff Id hate to be in the same house as my boss all day.

I guess she's young, with minimal refereneces as a Nanny and possibly doesn't have English as her first language? I think you have employed more of an au pair/mother's help than a professionally trained and qualified Nanny. Hence why you are getting the standard of service that you are.

It sounds like you need a “house manager” rather than a nanny as they can project manage any home renovations whilst looking after your child 🤣

I would honestly agree you’re maybe not up to having a household employee. Your job as an employer is to set whatever your true expectations are snd follow through on them when not met.

It might feel confrontational but it doesn’t have to be. Set aside some PAID time with your nanny and say you’d like to review how things are going so far. Give her the good feedback that you love how she interacts with your kiddo which is number 1 priority but also that part of the job was stated to be light household tasks and you don’t feel that those are being completed to the degree you expect, then politely and specifically go through what you’re looking for. You’re not telling her off, you’re helping your employer understand what her job actually is. And if you’re ok with her doing tasks while your son is awake, tell her and let her know if you trust her to use her judgement as to when she can let him play on his own.

We ask our nanny to tidy up after the kids, sometimes she can’t because the kids are too needy, but she does most of the time & I trust that she’s prioritizing the right things depending on how the day goes (sometimes I have to leave the washing up in the sink too!).

Flip it around and think how you’d feel in her shoes if your employer “hoped” you’d understand her expectations based on her own working practices which you have no inside knowledge to?

All this said, we managed to hire Mary Poppins (if she was cool, had tons of tattoos and was a bit of a hippy) so maybe my expectations of what a professional nanny/parent relationship should be are too high…

She sounds extremely lazy andvthat would drive me mad.

Very basic to clean up after she has prepared food.

I think you definitely need to tell her buck up or move on.

My teens know they better clean up after themselves in the kitchen.

That is very basic.

She is taking the piss.

Our brilliant, experienced nanny would prepare and clear breakfast, prep a lunch from stuff in the fridge, get DC1 dressed, usually head straight out with picnic lunch, spend morning out and about (library / park / playground / soft play), have lunch, head back, some playtime at home, tidy toys at the end of the day. Occasionally she might empty dishwasher (but she was never asked to), or run hoover round if food or play made a mess but that was it. We employed her to take excellent 1-2-1 care of our child, get her out and about and do things that we couldn’t do. If in town she might do things like return library books or take her to get her feet measured (but these both count as fun, free activities in my daughter’s world). We also used to try and let her head home early whenever we could, which meant in return she was fine with very rare times when we got stuck in traffic or were slightly delayed getting home.

I haven’t read the whole thread but I have read your posts and a few more.
I trained as an NNEB Dip. and we are trained as nannies as well as working in Social Services, Day Nurseries,Special Schools, Primary Schools and the hospital.
During our training we discussed what was expected as a nanny and it included looking after/ washing /ironing the child’s clothes, keeping the child’s room clean and tidy, looking after any equipment for the child( car seats, pram, high chair etc) and would include things like washing up the lunch things.
I think it would be fair to say she could have one hour for lunch but if your child sleeps longer she should be using that time for nursery duties or preparing food, washing up. If there is a bathroom solely used by the child then it is ok to expect that to be kept clean. Family bathroom would be a grey area but obviously if a mess was made by the child then clearing that up would be expected.

I think she just needs a bit more guidance and it is quite reasonable to ask her. Could you ask at the beginning of the day and also leave a list? This is the way one of the teachers and I worked when I was in her classroom and I found it useful as I could refer back to the list if I had any spare time and tick them off so she knew if I had managed to complete them. That way she wouldn’t forget and have to ask again and it would help you to get her into a routine and you may be able to dispense with it later on.

As someone mentioned working in the nursery it is mainly looking after the child and someone else washes up though putting away toys is everyone’s job. Don’t be frightened to guide her as it will change as he grows. A thank you at the end of the day especially if she has managed a lot extra.

@WheelieBinPrincess

So, what’s in the contract?

As a nanny I’m responsible for ALL things child related, ironing, bed linen, cooking etc. I tidy up the mess we generate together during the day but I wouldn’t be impressed if I had to clean up a load stuff and tidy off the back of the weekend when I wasn’t there, for example- although sometimes it’s a one off.

Has she got much experience as a nanny?

Yes, but would you have done all child related ironing, bed linen etc if you worked only two days a week?

The first line for the contract says "your employer may ask you from time to time etc".

So shes probably taking that literally and waiting for you to actually ask her to do it!!

As for the list if things you have included- she's obviously agreed to the contract so yanks to expect her to do them if you ask

People are missing that you also discussed expected duties in the interview with her. She’s being lazy as fuck.

It’s completely irrelevant what is “normally” expected because it’s about what YOU have discussed with HER. Not what everyone does. She’s not even doing the bare minimum of what’s expected re cleaning up your child’s things anyway so the hoovering etc is by the by. She probably sees you have a cleaner coming and is taking the piss.

Someone who thinks it’s fine to be lolling around on their phone for TWO HOURS in a new job is useless and clueless.

We have an exceptional nanny (she’s a nanny/housekeeper so the house is very much also a part of her job description) who works 2 days a week and she’s the best person in the world and I wouldn’t be without her. A great nanny is everything. Don’t settle for shit.

Ex nanny here

Points 4, 5 and 6 on your contract under household are NOT nanny duties

But items directly related to care of the child are.

If you want someone to do the things I said aren't nanny duties you need a housekeeper.

Working in a nursery is different in many ways.

What qualifications does she have? How old is she?

A formal "chat" to discuss how things are going - inc giving her the opportunity to raise any issues from her end - is probably the way to deal with this.

Some families want nanny cum housekeeper BUT advertise as such and pay accordingly one of my placements was like this.

Most only want a nanny but who does them job to an acceptable standard.

I wouldn't have taken a 2 hour break, but equally if I was employed as a nanny and not on a higher level of pay I would not be doing hoovering and grocery shopping.

I cared for my charges, planned and prepared meals with an eye on child nutrition and preferences etc, we ate lunch together at the table where in age appropriate ways I would also teach table manners, cleaned/tidied as I went (this is how I am anyway), always made sure home was clean, tidy as in cleaned up whatever mess the children and I had made during the day, again in an age appropriate way I'd also get the children to learn they had to tidy up after themselves too. Made it a game for the younger ones "how many red toys can you bring me in 2 mins" etc - and welcoming for parents coming home inc children in clean clothes/night wear depending on time and as calm/happy as possible. I found playing some soothing music and doing a calm activity helped.

Didn't always work! Kids being kids but that's what I aimed for.

Haven't had experience with an employer who wfh though as they were usually people who had to go into work and sometimes even travel for work. I was happy to do overnights on request (and for extra pay).

Wish I had the energy for it now! Loved it

@Newbabynewhouse I've also been a childminder - the main difference is NOT that a childminder does less!

Childminders also have to maintain their homes (their workplaces) to a set regulated standard and it's inspected regularly by ofsted or equivalent, they are also required to maintain training/qualifications in:

Health and safety
Food hygiene and safety
First aid
Safeguarding
Early years education

Etc etc etc

It's a regulated profession not a side hustle!

@starfishmummy

The first line for the contract says "your employer may ask you from time to time etc".

So shes probably taking that literally and waiting for you to actually ask her to do it!!

As for the list if things you have included- she's obviously agreed to the contract so yanks to expect her to do them if you ask

Agree 100% with this.

No need to make a big issue of it. Just say now that she's settled in, you'd like her to start doing some of the other duties discussed at interview and mentioned in her contract.

Then give her a list of what is expected covering the basics talked about here like preparing child's meal, tidying up after, washing and sorting child's clothes etcetera.

I think the wording of the contract implies these jobs are only occasional and you'll ask if/when you want them done (or at least your nanny is choosing to interpret it that way)

You say you have to prepare meals - what happens if you don't?

Your complaining about her but you keep saying "I'm not a stickler for the rules". Sit the girl down and tell her what you expect from her. 45 min/ 1 hr lunch break. And all kids related stuff. Its REDICULOUS that you are having to make your kid's lunch and clean up after her haha

You’re not BU. She should make his food and clean up after him and have 1hr lunch break not 2.

Tell her ASAP.

Or even 45 mins break.

A good deal of what your contract mentions is actually 'Housekeeper' duties, with a dollop of 'Secretary' on top.

How much are you paying this nanny/housekeeper/personal assistant?