AIBU to not want to move

[Trixiefirecracker]

Have been feeling a lot of pressure to move back to the city we used to live in after having relocated to the country over 6 years ago. We made the move because I wanted a quieter, calmer lifestyle and one where the children could grow up safely in a village, kind of like the idyllic childhood I had I suppose. Now 6 years on they are all nearly tweens, tweens or teenagers and fed up of living in the middle of nowhere. They want to move. I don’t. My husband is putting pressure on me to move too, he likes it here but misses the bright lights i suppose and our old friendship network and is fed up of driving kids everywhere. I can see both pros and cons but a massive problem is we could no way afford to live in a house like we have now, it would mean massively down-sizing. I have cats and ducks and chickens and live on the edge of a National park. It’s really beautiful. I suppose my AIBU is about me refusing to upsticks.AIBU to put my foot down and refuse to move? It’s four against one though. Added to this I made everyone move here just because I wanted too, although it’s been great for us in many ways and the kids have had an awesome time but time to move on? Would like some unbiased views please!

@AssemblySquare but there are drugs all over the city too. That’s just life sadly, we took youngest to skate park and was full of kids smoking weed. It’s much more obvious than here, I do know some kids do it round the village but pretty hidden at the moment. The 14 year old has not been exposed to much, which was a good in some ways. It’s a very backwards, rural community in most parts, we are just an oasis really, I think it’s to do with the mix of people in the village, it’s 50-50 locals and newcomers. It makes for a more open minded place.

Sorry I can’t answer every one but do really appreciate all the helpful replies. It’s been very useful. Thank you.

@dreamingbohemian

If you don't move now, they'll all leave your village at 18 and you'll hardly ever see them

I would look at it as you've had the years in the countryside you wanted, now it's time to let the rest of the family live where they want. And you can move back when they're older.

Yes this is sadly what happened with myself and my parents.

Is this irreconcilable differences? If you won’t agree to move, maybe you’d be happier to have the kids 50/50? Then they could have the best of both lifestyles

I think you’re being selfish yes. But as long as you don’t force the rest of the family to stay & suffer, then really what’s the harm? You only get one life & if you’ve found a place you love, you should stay!

But you shouldn’t dress it up that rural is better than city. Trust your family to know what they want, don’t second guess their decisions & use hypothetical reasons they may not even face as they get older

All the picturesque Aussie country towns seem to be affected by ice now (meth) - boredom & isolation is a big problem with rural youth.

With kindness, consider letting them go & be free to live their lives. Ok you will miss having them 50% of the time. But you can’t have everything to it way all the time.

Maybe you need to sacrifice something you want to have the life you need.

What would your husband say about splitting up if it came to this?

I grew up in an isolated village like that. I hated it then and would never live like that now. I had no freedom and no independence and moved a long way away as soon as I could. So you may drive your children further away by insisting on staying where you are, think about the longer term.

@smoko no, it’s not ‘irreconcilable differences’. We are not in Australia so meth is not a problem round here.

My advice is to start house hunting, when they see how little the house will be and that 2 will have to share their enthusiasm may drop

I think you might need to get a second car and be prepared to ferry your children around more as they get older. Also there will be a lot of sleepovers at yours and at friend's houses.

We are rural and this is what I did for DD, but not as isolated as you, but you need to realistic.

And be prepared to pay for driving lessons for your DC.

@RampantIvy yes, thank you, but would do that wherever we were.

@Trixiefirecracker

The two girls would share a room. They seem to be fine about it but at this point it’s not a reality so think they are just saying it’s fine because they want to move, if you see what I mean *@Embracelife*

Could you do a trial run, and pop them in the same bedroom?

Could you rent out your current hoise a d rent somewhere in the city?

We had to move for dh work when oldest was 12.
We chose a small rural village but it had a good train line to the nearest city, 20 mins.
It was the perfect compromise as dc got older and wanted more freedom.

Just to add the other side... My kids have grown up very rurally. 22, 19 and18 now. They've had a lovely time, teen years have been good as they all know each other and go to the same places. The older 2 have then enjoyed moving to cities for uni as it's such a contrast. They are all saying they will come back when they have kids.
I think this is between you and DH to decide as it's only a few years and you have a much longer time just the 2 of you after the kids have gone.

@Tropicalsunshine

Just to add the other side... My kids have grown up very rurally. 22, 19 and18 now. They've had a lovely time, teen years have been good as they all know each other and go to the same places. The older 2 have then enjoyed moving to cities for uni as it's such a contrast. They are all saying they will come back when they have kids. I think this is between you and DH to decide as it's only a few years and you have a much longer time just the 2 of you after the kids have gone.

It depends if their friends are local and if they have siblings. DD is an only and none of her friends were on the only bus route that goes through our village so I had to be her taxi. I didn't mind though.

She chose a city university.

Don’t go.
Your kids will learn to drive and go to Uni, then you’ll be stuck somewhere that you don’t want to be.
Stay in your lovely home.

I grew up in a country village and pretty much hated it from age 14-18 and went to a city for university and now live in central london for 23 years and am raising my kids here.

But I definitely wouldn't move in your shoes.

The kids will survive their time in the country and benefit from clean air, safety etc. They will leave home and can go and live in cities and then return to a large and lovely home for holidays.

Your DH is more of an issue.

[quote Trixiefirecracker]@smoko no, it’s not ‘irreconcilable differences’. We are not in Australia so meth is not a problem round here.[/quote]
Anyone else rereading OP's posts looking for the bit that made @smoko think she was in Australia

Good luck, i dont envy your choice. It think your family probably want to leave as much as you want to stay so unlikely to please everyone :(

Hey wasn’t meaning to say the OP is from Australia!

Was just trying to relate that picturesque rural places which appear idyllic can have underlying drug problems

Growing up in the country does not automatically mean your kids will grow up to not be exposed to drugs.

You know - I actually think you're not being selfish and you should put your foot down and not move. You have a beautiful sounding big house with plenty of space.

Like you say your eldest stays in their room all the time anyway so would be likely to do that wherever you live. So the only difference is they'll be doing it in a smaller space!!!

They're not missing out on things if you drive them to places. If your husband is laid back and doesn't really mind too much I think you should stay and just carry on with the driving them to places and city breaks.

I moved from a medium village to a smaller one. My son moaned and said how it's in the middle of nowhere etc. But once the WiFi was up and running it's made absolutely no difference to him.