Step sister and Christmas presents

[Penguinday]

I have wanted to stop exchanging presents with my step sister for a couple of years now. She decided we would buy for each other’s children when we both had our first kids the same year. They’re 6 now. She suggested £50 budget which I thought was too much. (To spend that at Christmas and for birthdays) She made a big thing of it so stupidly, I ended up agreeing to it.

However, she blatantly did not spend that on my child the first year. £20 at very most. Then every birthday and Christmas since she has bought my child clothing from the M&S 3for2. Our oldest children are same age so she is likely buying 2 things for her DC and then giving the free one to mine! She sometimes even leaves the sticker on.

I have tried to bring this up yet her and other family members make out that I’m being greedy and/or ungrateful! It’s not even about the money now, it’s the feeling of being made a fool of.

I’m not rich either, if anything her and her boyfriend have more money than us.

Any advice on how to approach it please and actually stop exchanging presents.

Just get her a sale item.
And leave the tag on. She can't make you spend £50.

Just stop spending so much?

Just do the same as she does with your one?

Just stop.

Just spend £20 and if she brings it up then say that's what she spends on your child so 🤷‍♀️

Or just say you won't be buying a gift and you don't expect one back. Channel some of her cf energy

Don’t complain, don’t explain. That’s how she gets away with it. When she brings it up, (which she will) just say “You’ve been doing this for years. This is how we’re going to continue. There’s going to be no more pretending.”

Thank you for your replies.

The problem I have is that she messages me with specific toys that she wants me to buy. And I’m worried if I obviously spend less then the rest of the family will say I’m in the wrong.

Then respond with "I've already bought his present this year"

@Penguinday

Thank you for your replies.

The problem I have is that she messages me with specific toys that she wants me to buy. And I’m worried if I obviously spend less then the rest of the family will say I’m in the wrong.

Is there a particular family dynamic going on here that’s driving this?

Just buy your step-niece a nice book for Christmas. Or something similarly priced.

If anyone kicks off, it’s them that’s the problem.

Or reply with specific £50 toy for your child. What small child wants clothes for Xmas?

Wow what a cheeky feck she is!

Just respond that you've already sorted Xmas presents and just get her a book. If other family members complain thats their problem!

"The problem I have is that she messages me with specific toys that she wants me to buy. And I’m worried if I obviously spend less then the rest of the family will say I’m in the wrong."

When she texts just reply, "thanks" and completely ignore her and buy a gift of your choosing. What's the worst that can happen??

Tell her that you've decided to stop Xmas presents. If for some reasons you believe it is too late for this year then tell her you've already bought smth for her child when she send you the list. Then tell her in January you have decided to stop.

@Youdoyoutoday

Wow what a cheeky feck she is!

Just respond that you've already sorted Xmas presents and just get her a book. If other family members complain thats their problem!

This

And next year buy the present in the summer sales.

Just buy what you want.
If she expects something else she'll get over it.

I would say that you feel your child gets too much at christmas and to receive a £50 gift from her feels excessive and that going forward you suggest you just buy a token gift (£10 limit) for each other's children.

Give her something from the Boots 3 for 2 and leave the sticker on, keep the other two for yourself. I’m sure she’ll get the messagw

"Hi, we've decided to cut back a bit this Christmas. Now the children are older and receive so much from all of the family, we think a £20 limit is better as a budget for our gifts for "child" and "niece". Could you let me know what they'd like, or if you're happy for me to choose? X"

@Justcallmebebes

"The problem I have is that she messages me with specific toys that she wants me to buy. And I’m worried if I obviously spend less then the rest of the family will say I’m in the wrong."

When she texts just reply, "thanks" and completely ignore her and buy a gift of your choosing. What's the worst that can happen??

stop being a doormat OP for the love of god and do this

What are you concerned about? Do you generally feel like everyone in your family is on her side for most things? Do you feel like an outsider?

You honestly need to learn to stand up for yourself. Why do you let your sister and family bully you?! They do it because you let them. Either just tell her you’ve decided no more gifts, gifts for a lower sum, send her a link for a specific £50 item just line she does or buy the same 3 for 2 clothing and keep two. You just have to decide which one and then stick to it, no explanation needed from your side other than it works for you!

@Penguinday

Thank you for your replies.

The problem I have is that she messages me with specific toys that she wants me to buy. And I’m worried if I obviously spend less then the rest of the family will say I’m in the wrong.

Then you either say “I’ve always sorted presents thanks”

Or “that’s great. My DC wants X.” (Ideal if it’s something almost exactly the same because then she cannot wriggle out of it - she’ll probably suggest the smaller presents next year)

@Penguinday

Thank you for your replies.

The problem I have is that she messages me with specific toys that she wants me to buy. And I’m worried if I obviously spend less then the rest of the family will say I’m in the wrong.

Stop worrying what other members of the family think. Buy her a sale item but take the sale tag off. It’s ridiculous to tell people how much to spend anyway, especially when one person has more disposable income.

Tell her you don't want to exchange gifts this year as hers are always disappointing crap