To ask if you live rurally....do you enjoy it?

[PottererCrouch]

As title really, I live rurally and really enjoy it, but I was at a party on Saturday night and got talking to a friend of the host, they asked where I live and when I said where it was, pretty much gasped and said 'good lord, however do you cope living there? It's the middle of nowhere, no, I couldn't be doing with that. I always wonder why people want to live rurally, just doesn't appeal at all to me. Do you actually enjoy it?!'

They were very drunk but I couldn't help but feel a bit offended for a start, it IS a small village (300 houses) but it does have a pub and primary school and we're only 6 miles to the nearest town so not completely 'isolated.'

I see a lot of people on here warning others off living rurally as it isn't good for kids and they regret it etc.

If you live rurally, do you enjoy it and why?

It's really not worth arguing about is it? I do find it mildly irritating when people trot out stereotypical assumptions about rural life or assume that their own negative experiences are universal, but then I felt much the same way when people used to think I lived in a crack den because I had an inner city postcode for a while. Everywhere has pros and cons and different places suit differeng people. If we all wanted the same then society would be in an even worse mess than it is currently. I'm glad lots of people want to live in towns and cities but even more glad that I don't have to any more. We love where we live and the fact that other people don't has no real impact. It's not like the "I can't undertand why you chose to live there" brigade are breaking into rural homes at night and forcing the residents into cities is it?

It is worth pointing out the experiences of being a child/teenager to anyone thinking of moving with children though.

It can be lovely and idyllic living rurally, having the freedom to drive yourself to things is fine. But being a teenager and wanting to do things is not fun, needing a parent to drive you isn’t great. You do have to think about dependents and the quality of life for them.

@MrsAvocet but the point is being aware of the possible cons and doing what you can to avoid them. Not everyone does.
So yes when I loved to an inner city area I was careful to check out my neighbours first.

I agree with @MrsAvocet's excellent last post.

I grew up rurally and hated it, nothing to do as a teenager, couldn't go anywhere without being driven there and back, the local park was either empty or had groups of teenagers drinking, there was a bus service twice a day to the nearest city but at really silly times and if you missed it coming back then your parents would have to drive 14 miles to come and pick you up 😭. Winter months were utterly shit. There were no Saturday jobs unless you could get to the nearest city 14 miles away. Finally went to uni in a small city and loved it. The convenience of having things on the doorstep 🙌 Now I'm in Central London and I couldn't live anywhere else. My kids love it too.

@ItsRainingTacos that’s exactly it. Unless you’ve experienced being a dependent when living rurally, you don’t get how bad it is. It’s fine if you’re old enough to drive, but when you’re too young it’s miserable.

Going to gigs or meeting friends meant being driven to and collected from the train station.

I know it’s lovely for adults or families where everyone can now drive, but expecting children/teenagers to have the same experience as you isn’t reasonable.

@MrsAvocet

It's really not worth arguing about is it? I do find it mildly irritating when people trot out stereotypical assumptions about rural life or assume that their own negative experiences are universal, but then I felt much the same way when people used to think I lived in a crack den because I had an inner city postcode for a while. Everywhere has pros and cons and different places suit differeng people. If we all wanted the same then society would be in an even worse mess than it is currently. I'm glad lots of people want to live in towns and cities but even more glad that I don't have to any more. We love where we live and the fact that other people don't has no real impact. It's not like the "I can't undertand why you chose to live there" brigade are breaking into rural homes at night and forcing the residents into cities is it?

The "I can't understand why you chose to live there" woman under discussion here isn't breaking into the OP's home and forcing her into a city, no, but that doesn't make it OK to speak so rudely about someone else's choices. Breaking and entering is not the only 'wrong' thing someone can do.

We loved for years in a skyscraper, slap bang in the middle of one of the busiest streets in the Western World.

Now live semi rurally in Scotland and wouldn't trade it for anything. In fact, I'd love to be further out afield and if it wasn't for our very young DC I'd happily move to the Outer Hebrides!

I think teenagers pretty universally hate the deal they have got - the grass is always greener.
I lived in a town - I hated it, I wanted to have my own pony and live in a village. Instead I had to work at the riding school and cadge rides off people I knew.
I also wanted to have the freedom one of my school friends had - they were allowed to smoke, go anywhere, had no curfew - I thought it was "cool" that they had undecorated walls and were allowed to write on them. I know now that she lived in a very poor, abusive home with absolutely no parenting whatsoever.
So teenagers that grow up rurally crave city life. They want what they don't have. But for every teen on a farm wanting to hang around McDonalds there's another teen wanting nothing more than to be on the farm.....

I live in a similar level of rural to you, OP. We've been here for 7 years and although I love some aspects of it, we are beginning to think about a move. The dc are teens now and finding it a bit dull. I've foynd it hard to meet like-minded people here tbh. I've only ever lived in a village or London and quite fancy the idea of a smallish market town now, within reasonably easy reach of both countryside and a decent city.

”Children in a village grow up with their friends and school mates who also live rurally/in the same village. And many villages have activities for children AND adults.”

Not necessarily, @LittleDandelionClock. We moved to a tiny village when I was 10. All the local kids (not that there were many - maybe 3 close to my age) had grown up together, and weren’t at all welcoming to newcomers. There were almost no activities in the village - the occasional jumble sale or Whist drive, the Harvest supper, and the church choir - and whilst there were some more activities in nearby towns, my dad only drove me to worthy ones - Guides and music lessons. Social activities like parties or discos - no chance. And no public transport to get me there independently - not that mum and dad would have paid the fares.

Some villages are too small for there to be much, if any, public transport, and too small for there to be many activities. And some villages are very insular and unwelcoming to outsiders. So unless the parents are willing to do a lot of driving, to enable their children’s social lives, it can be very isolating and lonely.

I was that lonely, isolated child, and grew up to be a depressed teenager and depressed adult. Maybe, if my parents hadn’t moved us out to a tiny, remote village, purely for their benefit, I would have been a happier kid, wouldn’t have been bullied at school (because I didn’t fit in with the local kids), and might not have ended up suicidal in my teens (not that my parents noticed or cared), and suffering from anxiety, depression and low self esteem to this day.

”However, I haven't seen a single 'smug' post from a 'rural dweller' on this thread. Just people saying how much they love it.”

You missed my long post, on Monday evening, about how unhappy I was, @LittleDandelionClock.

Love it...love the space and peace and quiet. No noisy neighbours (but some within walking distance, not completely isolated). And 20 minutes to a big town.

Only time I didn't like it was when we had au pairs who couldn't go too far without a lift.

Tend to carpool for all the kids activities (covid did make that harder).

I grew up rurally too and had a bike to get to friends/Sat job etc. And the oldest around got a car pretty soon and did taxi for the rest of us.

Moved to a city when I was 18 though, that independence was nice.

Children in a village grow up with their friends and school mates who also live rurally/in the same village.
Do children in cities not grow up with their friends and school mates who also live in the same area?

Do children in cities not grow up with their friends and school mates who also live in the same area?

Not necessarily to the same extent. Higher population means more schools per area, more choice and therefore less chance that the kids from your immediate neighbourhood will go to the same school as you. Not that it matters - that way you can have school friends and non-school friends locally.

One of the things I like, though, is how near and safe it feels to let my dc go to their friends' houses in the village and hang out in the village. I know city life has its advantages, but I'm definitely glad to have lived rurally and semi-rurally while my dc were young.

I would be worried sick about my two beautiful daughters growing up in a city. As a teen I was groped, assaulted and followed on a weekly basis if not more often. Drugs and dealers were endemic and eating disorders as there was no way to keep truly fit. I was scared often. Knife crime, unpredictable violence and real risks were everywhere.
I couldn’t wait to leave.
My teens are safe in a rural environment with true friends at home, in our local pub which is great fun, they enjoy riding, tennis, hiking and house parties and festivals that are low key and safe. I know they are completely happy because they tell me often, they are mixing with great kids. So no regrets from them or us.

@gcgirlsrock how old are they?

I would be worried sick about my two beautiful daughters growing up in a city. As a teen I was groped, assaulted and followed on a weekly basis if not more often. Drugs and dealers were endemic and eating disorders as there was no way to keep truly fit. I was scared often. Knife crime, unpredictable violence and real risks were everywhere.
I couldn’t wait to leave.

Gosh, I’m wondering where on earth you grew up. I grew up in Belfast during the Troubles and it was a haven compared to what you describe!

Wow gc also intrigued by where you grew up. How old are your daughters?

I grew up near a large UK city. As soon as I was old enough we'd get the bus in whenever we could for shopping/nights out. I never felt threatened. I recognise that some cities and areas are less safe than others, so I think it depends on the city.

I live alone on my British Naval Heritage vessel. I'm moored on a fast-flowing tidal river in Southern England. I'm 76, pretty fit and agile, long arms and legs, with slight age-related sight and hearing detioration.
There are a couple of local shops in the area and I have a car and a mobile.
I would hate to live anywhere landside. I like to be able to disappear and generally speaking, not to have to answer to anyone.
I had a frenetically busy career in the public sector. It's a relief not to have to answer to anyone anymore.

Yes I do and have done my whole life, I absolutely love it, tried living in a built up city as a young adult and I hated every minute, really stressed me out and hated how there was hardly any privacy with houses so close together and gardens etc.

The village I live in now has a good, regular bus service that runs to the nearest towns and city so haven’t done a lot of ferrying for the children but I do need to use my car a lot for work (community nursing covering a wide rural area) and for dropping my younger children at primary school, shopping is delivered so no problems there

Your living arrangements sound fabulous @Astrak. Does it get very cold in winter?

Yes! However, I was brought up in the countryside. We lived in a big draughty old house, and the heating was primitive. Fires only warmed if one was sitting very close. Adults were allowed to do that, not children. The instructions I received were to "put on more jerseys and run round a bit!".
I spent a lot of time hugging the dogs, always around, and the horses and ponies. We had a herd of cows and some pigs but they weren't hug-friendly.
Parents quite distant, ditto governess.
Today, in my chilly aft cabin, I am in my bunk, wearing two cashmere jerseys, a silk shirt, a venerable Puffa jacket, thermal tights under stretch trousers and thick hiking socks. Woolly hat (with bobble, of course). Two duvets, thin one underneath, heavy one on top, two faux-fur throws and a large heavy cat snuggled up next to me! He's the secret to comfort and warmth!
Beautiful skies outside, flat calm river. Heron demonstrating a fish murderous calm on the far side.
No one around. Wonderful.

Yes I do and have done my whole life, I absolutely love it, tried living in a built up city as a young adult and I hated every minute, really stressed me out and hated how there was hardly any privacy with houses so close together and gardens etc.

I suppose it depends on your definition of privacy really.