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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you live rurally....do you enjoy it?

251 replies

PottererCrouch · 01/11/2021 12:47

As title really, I live rurally and really enjoy it, but I was at a party on Saturday night and got talking to a friend of the host, they asked where I live and when I said where it was, pretty much gasped and said 'good lord, however do you cope living there? It's the middle of nowhere, no, I couldn't be doing with that. I always wonder why people want to live rurally, just doesn't appeal at all to me. Do you actually enjoy it?!'

They were very drunk but I couldn't help but feel a bit offended Hmm for a start, it IS a small village (300 houses) but it does have a pub and primary school and we're only 6 miles to the nearest town so not completely 'isolated.'

I see a lot of people on here warning others off living rurally as it isn't good for kids and they regret it etc.

If you live rurally, do you enjoy it and why?

OP posts:
LittleDandelionClock · 02/11/2021 22:23

@PottererCrouch

The 'I couldn't be doing with that' brigade are jealous. All my life growing up in a big Midlands town, full of council estates, industrial estates, and shopping centres, and very little green space, or nice walks etc, I dreamed of living in the countryside. My whole life I dreamed of it.

Me and DH used to drive to other towns and cities, and passed through a few villages on the way, and could see signs on the B road we were on, saying 'this village 2 miles' and 'that village 1.5 miles. And I used to think 'awww, how lovely it would be to live up there..' Same when driving through mid/north Wales too. I thought 'aww how nice would it be to live in a little hamlet/village up here...'

I used to go for drives with my dad too when I was in my early teens, and we would go for picnics to Church Stretton, Ludlow, and places in Herefordshire, Shropshire, and mid Wales, and I LONGED to live somewhere like that.

DD left home 9 years ago (for uni) and me and DH (who had always lived in the middle of town, or in the suburbs since we started living together) decided to take the plunge, and sold our 3 bed 1980s house, and bought a little 3 bed cottage (with a BIG garden,) in a small village, 20 miles away miles. 2 miles from the nearest B road, and 4 miles from a little market town. Nearest city is about 12 miles.

Yeah we have to drive everywhere, but we had to do that quite a bit when we lived in a suburb of a town. DD's senior school and college were 3 miles, and 8 miles away, and took her 1 hour, and 1 hour and three quarters to get to by bus. So we drove her there and picked her up. We were able to, and it saved her a LOT of time, as the trips were 8 minutes and 15 minutes by car.

DH had to drive to work too, as he worked 10 miles away and worked funny shifts. Half the time he could not get there by public transport. And if we needed to go to hospital or any specialists - they were an hour to an hour and a half by bus, but 15-20 minutes drive. So a car was an absolute must.

Some appointments and things we had to do - including stuff with DD after school and at weekends, and things we had to do for our parents (if they needed taking somewhere,) needed a car, as public transport was simply not an option.

So, we need a car now? No biggie as we have pretty much always needed one!

As pps have said, I (and DH) absolutely LOVE it here, and will never EVER move. 5 minutes walk to woodlands,10 minutes walk to the canal, 15 minutes walk to the river, and multiple rolling fields and meadows. Some fields belong to farmers, but they let people walk around the edges, and they have little stiles to climb over, to enable you to go from one field to another, and through the woodland, and around the little meres and waterways...

The village has a strong community spirit too, a lovely Church, a little parish hall, a little primary school with 40-ish children, a tiny village shop, open 5 hours a day, (9am til 12 midday, then 1pm til 3pm,) and a pub where they have pub-quiz nights every week, and darts and a pool table, and a jukebox, and a little bowling green at the back of the parish hall!

Our cottage is in a little road with 14 other properties, all spaced quite far apart, and the neighbours are lovely. Everywhere me and DH and DD ever lived before (council estate/suburb/flat in a private block,) most people were OK, but a few were dickheads. Either nuisance neighbours or just aloof and rude. Even the ones who were OK however, kept themselves to themselves, and rarely spoke. There was NO community.

Out here, it's a different mindset and mentality. No-one tries to outdo anyone, no-one cares if they drive an old car, people wear 'scruffs' about the village and don't dress up, and no-one judges people. The suburbs were awful for this, with some awful people... Trying to keep up with the Joness, and constantly bitching and gossiping.

I love it so much here, and feel blessed every day I am here. There's not a single sound at night, not a car, or a person's voice, or loud music, or yobbos, or anything. Just a few distant sheep/cow sounds and a distant cockerel at around 7am. They don't wake you, but you hear them if you're already awake IYSWIM.

I would definitely recommend living rural/in a village. As I said, I will never EVER live anywhere but a village as long as I live.

LittleDandelionClock · 02/11/2021 22:33

Our village population is around 350 by the way.

Yogawankonobi · 02/11/2021 22:34

I love it, dc (teens) hate it. We have to be more organised (not running out of milk, making sure we have enough logs, being ready for floods etc) but I love the quiet and the scenery.

idiotmagnet · 02/11/2021 22:36

Live rurally, love it, so do my teens - and dog!

TreborBore · 02/11/2021 22:56

It depends. Living rurally was great pre kids as I had a diverse group of friends where I worked in the city and home was my peaceful haven. Once children arrived, I found rural life stifling.

PottererCrouch · 02/11/2021 23:00

@LittleDandelionClock, awww, lovely story, glad you finally got your rural dream.

I would never move either (voluntarily) I need open countryside and quiet spaces for my mental health. Town/ city living just makes me anxious and depressed.

OP posts:
bozzabollix · 03/11/2021 07:50

Think where we live is the ideal compromise. A small market town surrounded by lovely countryside, so whilst you’ve got a few pubs and shops you can also be on your own in fields within minutes. We’re on the edge in the woods so get the wildlife and ability to have cracking burns!

Silkieschickens · 03/11/2021 08:01

We all love it including the teens but we are in a larger village with a school and a supermarket. Both the teens much prefer it to when we were in London as there was a lot of crime were we were. For DS its meant he could have the silkie chickens he always wanted and he is such a proud chicken owner, asks me to send photos of them then asks for compliments they have got and secondary he can walk to, much smaller size which is great for his asd. For DD she can go running safely each morning and see deer and squirrels, meet up with friends in the village, and get the bus to further out. For us it means can be next to dhs work and live in a beautiful thatched cottage half the price of the London one and much more beautiful, bigger with a bigger garden. Even the cat was ecstatic when we moved purring really loudly everywhere in the cottage. I would not be without a shop though.

Member984815 · 03/11/2021 08:11

Love it used to live in town , I enjoy my own company so being rural is good for me but others who need more company or to be activly doing things all the time would find it difficult.

groundcontroltomajormum · 03/11/2021 08:44

I grew up rurally . It was boring and awful. I'm glad I no longer live rurally.

Zerrin13 · 03/11/2021 08:49

I live in a nice suburb and it gas lots of rural space nearby but I can't wait to move to a cottage in a small village. I'm waiting until my teens are driving and can get themselves around because I know they wouldn't want to be cut off from their social lives. I can't bear busy cities and I hate traffic!

StrawberrySquash · 03/11/2021 09:30

She was rude in the way she expressed it, but I do think it's a valid question and interesting to discuss. Your life is very different from my town one. I've just come back from a lovely weekend in the country, but living there wouldn't be for me. And that's fine. Long as the friends I was visiting there are happy there. Smile

MsTSwift · 03/11/2021 10:42

One woman’s “boring and lonely” is another woman’s “rural idyll” 😁

CounsellorTroi · 03/11/2021 11:05

Just out of interest how would the devoted rural dwellers cope if they had to give up driving? Or is it not something you’ve ever contemplated?

LittleDandelionClock · 03/11/2021 11:08

[quote PottererCrouch]@LittleDandelionClock, awww, lovely story, glad you finally got your rural dream.

I would never move either (voluntarily) I need open countryside and quiet spaces for my mental health. Town/ city living just makes me anxious and depressed.[/quote]
Thanks @Potterercrouch! Grin

I hope you do move rural and that you do love it! Smile

@MsTSwift

One woman’s “boring and lonely” is another woman’s “rural idyll” 😁

That's another thing ms-tswiz, I find with rural life/living in a village, people are MUCH friendlier and there is a lot more community spirit. No-one is lonely, everyone speaks when they see you, and the neighbours look out for each other. The amount of help and support from people during the pandemic was/has been/still is amazing...

This would never have happened in any other place I and DH have lived as an adult. Needy, vulnerable, and lonely people would have been left to rot...

MedusasBadHairDay · 03/11/2021 11:16

I find with rural life/living in a village, people are MUCH friendlier and there is a lot more community spirit. No-one is lonely, everyone speaks when they see you, and the neighbours look out for each other.

I wish when we'd lived rurally it'd been like that, where we lived the other residents were a bit.. odd. Some in a Tubs and Edward way, some in a trying to bite a neighbours ear off in a fight way (yes really). It may have looked fairly idyllic but it definitely didn't feel that way.

LittleDandelionClock · 03/11/2021 11:28

@CounsellorTroi

Just out of interest how would the devoted rural dwellers cope if they had to give up driving? Or is it not something you’ve ever contemplated?
As I said in my rather lengthy post above, everywhere me and DH have lived, (in the towns and suburbs, as well as in the countryside,) we have needed a car. It's not just 'devoted rural dwellers' who need a car.

Many people in towns and suburbs need a car, as public transport is shit in many places. Many people in towns and suburbs work erratic shifts, or long hours/early starts/late finish. And many in towns and suburbs need a car to take children to various hobby groups and after-school clubs and so on.

Many people who live in towns and suburbs also depend on a car to enable them to look after vulnerable and needy family members, and to get to medical appointments and so on... So having NO car is not an option for many. So as I said, it's not just 'devoted rural dwellers' who need a car.

In answer to your question we would do the same as what the 'devoted town dwellers' (who often need a car too,) would do if they found they had to give up driving.

IntermittentParps · 03/11/2021 11:29

I find with rural life/living in a village, people are MUCH friendlier and there is a lot more community spirit. No-one is lonely, everyone speaks when they see you, and the neighbours look out for each other. The amount of help and support from people during the pandemic was/has been/still is amazing...

This would never have happened in any other place I and DH have lived as an adult. Needy, vulnerable, and lonely people would have been left to rot..

I have found rural/village life curtain-twitchy and parochial. My mum has told me that people in our village used to refer to me as 'the exotic-looking girl'. I am very unremarkable-looking (white British with pale-ish skin etc) but as a child had long dark hair, which is what they were referring to. Hmm

The community spirit in my London Zone 2 neighbourhood has been wonderful over the pandemic. Neighbours have looked out for each other, people in shops, cafes etc ask how everyone is (and vice versa) and mean it.
My local greengrocers, run by two brothers and a tiny staff, have stayed open throughout, and in the lockdowns did home deliveries to vulnerable people, even though it meant they were working 20-hour days and were visibly exhausted.

FanGirlX · 03/11/2021 11:29

Interesting thread.

I currently live in a suburb of Leeds but considering a move to a town of 3,000. It's 20 mins from the West Coast mainline and about 30 mins from the M6. 90 mins from Manchester on the train.

It has several independent shops and 2 mini supermarkets. Big supermarkets about 20 mins away. Good schools and plenty of outdoor things.

Concerned about getting off the property ladder in the city but could afford a bigger house in the town.

Ewis · 03/11/2021 11:31

I live rurally, the shit parts are crap health care, have to travel a long way for a hospital. Not every online shop delivers up here.
Good parts are I love the hermit lifestyle 😂 its better for my mental health. Beautiful scenary in every direction, calm, quiet. I wouldn't want to live here if I had kids though, would be boring for them and nothing for them to do for hanging with friends or extra curriculum wise.
Its not for everyone so I wouldn't get offended at someone stating they couldn't do it/how do you live there.

LittleDandelionClock · 03/11/2021 11:39

Ignore the rural life haters @PottererCrouch A few will claim village folk were evil and 'didn't want to be their friend,' but in reality, most of the time, when someone doesn't get on with the village folk, it's often down to them, (the incomers,) and their attitude.

They think they can do what they want, and live the way they did in the town or city they came from, and never mix with people in the village, or join in with any community events. And then complain and whine when people won't bend over backwards for them, and run around asking them to be their friend.

These people are better off staying in the towns and cities. Village life/rural life doesn't suit everyone. From what you have said so far OP, you will love it in the countryside. Smile

I moved here from a big town 9 years ago, and have never been happier ANYwhere. As I say, some people should just stay in the towns and cities, and leave village life for us people who love and appreciate it. Smile

pinkflowersonacushion · 03/11/2021 11:57

I love it. I used to live in a town and only towns or cities prior to that. I love love love the countryside however I did need to be married and have dc first. If I was single and young forget it.

CounsellorTroi · 03/11/2021 11:58

We aren't meant to live in urban environments. Modern human has been on earth for some 300,000 years living among nature, while the first cities were built around 8,000 years ago, a minute amount of time comparatively. This is why city dwellers often feel so relaxed when they holiday in a bucolic environment. They are back to where nature intended them to exist.

This is just nonsense. Yes I enjoy rural holidays but living rurally would drive me up the wall. Especially the dark winters. On a summer ho,I day you’re seeing it at its best. I do know a bit about it as my mother grew up on a small farm but moved to the city after training as a teacher, so I spent a good bit of time in the country as a child.

Smug country dwellers who think they are living everyone’s dream, not just their own, really annoy me. And, if everyone wanted to live rurally it pull soon become a lot less idyllic!

There is an argument that urban living is more sustainable than rural living. Economies of scale, greater energy efficiency, less need to drive etc.

IntermittentParps · 03/11/2021 12:06

We aren't meant to live in urban environments. Modern human has been on earth for some 300,000 years living among nature, while the first cities were built around 8,000 years ago, a minute amount of time comparatively. This is why city dwellers often feel so relaxed when they holiday in a bucolic environment. They are back to where nature intended them to exist.
That's so simplistic. I feel relaxed on holiday away from the city because I'm not working for ten days/two weeks and am generally thinking less about cooking/laundry etc and more about which nice restaurant to try next, or which book I fancy reading.
I am less relaxed when the 'bucolic environment' means food shops shutting at 4pm, no reception to listen to the radio/watch a film, and shite coffee.
It is always a relief, and relaxing in another way, to get back to where I know I can pop round the corner at 9pm for a tin of tomatoes should I have to, and go to a cafe where the staff make excellent flat whites and know my name and my order.
Quality of life does not 100% equate living in 'nature'.

CounsellorTroi · 03/11/2021 12:11

I am less relaxed when the 'bucolic environment' means food shops shutting at 4pm, no reception to listen to the radio/watch a film, and shite coffee.

Yes this. Major annoyance with rural holidays is the frequent impossibility of getting a coffee and a cake anywhere much after 3pm!

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