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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you live rurally....do you enjoy it?

251 replies

PottererCrouch · 01/11/2021 12:47

As title really, I live rurally and really enjoy it, but I was at a party on Saturday night and got talking to a friend of the host, they asked where I live and when I said where it was, pretty much gasped and said 'good lord, however do you cope living there? It's the middle of nowhere, no, I couldn't be doing with that. I always wonder why people want to live rurally, just doesn't appeal at all to me. Do you actually enjoy it?!'

They were very drunk but I couldn't help but feel a bit offended Hmm for a start, it IS a small village (300 houses) but it does have a pub and primary school and we're only 6 miles to the nearest town so not completely 'isolated.'

I see a lot of people on here warning others off living rurally as it isn't good for kids and they regret it etc.

If you live rurally, do you enjoy it and why?

OP posts:
Pokhora · 03/11/2021 12:21

I love living rurally. I live on the edge of a small village with just one neighbour. I can only see woods and fields out of the windows. We get deer grazing in the early morning and have beautiful walks in the woods straight from the front door. We are also five minutes walk from a great pub and Indian restaurant. All food is delivered and I don't feel the need to go shopping. The local health service is brilliant, I can get an appointment same day with the GP and there is generally only a couple of other people in the local surgery. Internet supply is good and we will shortly be getting fibre to the premises.
When I do need to drive the roads are relatively quiet and are a pleasure to use.

MsTSwift · 03/11/2021 12:29

Sorry I can’t agree that you only get community support in a village. We are in a cul de sac of old houses on the edge of a beautiful small city and have a very strong community in our road we look out for the elderly have street parties and supported each other in lock down.

Everyone I know who lives rurally has to drive miles down windy country lanes to get anywhere that used to do my head in!

julieca · 03/11/2021 12:30

I live in a city. We have a street whattsup group and people absolutely do get support.

Original poster
PottererCrouch · 03/11/2021 12:49

@LittleDandelionClock

Ignore the rural life haters *@PottererCrouch* A few will claim village folk were evil and 'didn't want to be their friend,' but in reality, most of the time, when someone doesn't get on with the village folk, it's often down to them, (the incomers,) and their attitude.

They think they can do what they want, and live the way they did in the town or city they came from, and never mix with people in the village, or join in with any community events. And then complain and whine when people won't bend over backwards for them, and run around asking them to be their friend.

These people are better off staying in the towns and cities. Village life/rural life doesn't suit everyone. From what you have said so far OP, you will love it in the countryside. Smile

I moved here from a big town 9 years ago, and have never been happier ANYwhere. As I say, some people should just stay in the towns and cities, and leave village life for us people who love and appreciate it. Smile

Sorry, think you might've misinterpreted the post lol, I do live rurally, have done my whole life. I had someone at a party make a sneery comment about it last week which got me wondering how other people living rurally feel about it.
OP posts:
closedown · 03/11/2021 12:51

Everyone I know who lives rurally has to drive miles down windy country lanes to get anywhere

Yeah that's the whole point! Grin

Snoken · 03/11/2021 12:55

I don't live rurally now, but I did grow up rurally and loved it for the first 9-10 years, hated it as I was approaching my teens. I left home early and have never wanted to move back. It was quite soul destrying for me as a teen, but plenty other teens found it was fine.

Stellaris22 · 03/11/2021 13:10

I lived very rurally growing up, now live close to a city. As a child I hated it and wouldn’t do that to my kids. There is very little freedom as you rely on parents to drive you everywhere for any activity, to meet friends etc. Living closer to a city means I can do activities, go to the gym, walk to DDs swimming classes etc. I just don’t see the appeal. I’m definitely healthier than my parents who still live rurally, as I walk loads and don’t need a car for every journey.

MaMaLa321 · 03/11/2021 13:16

I've lived for 20 years in a beautiful village, then moved into a city centre and have been here for 6 years.
I would never live in the countryside again, but I'm fortunate in that I love where we live in the city.
I also have friends who clearly can't understand why we moved.
It just depends on you. I got fed up with meeting the same people all the time and everyone knowing your business.

Mimilamore · 03/11/2021 13:27

Surely this must depend on your circumstances?
If you are okay for money, drive, like outdoor pursuits and have a beautiful home that meets all your needs then it would be idyllic...
Not so much if you are poor, no transport and can't access free activities if you have children ....
Likewise living in a city

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/11/2021 13:38

I absolutely agree, @Mimilamore - if I had had access to good public transport, and the funding from my parents to use it, or if they had realised how lonely and friendless I was and had done something to rectify that, my experience of rural living might have been different.

SirenSays · 03/11/2021 13:47

Loved it. I've lived in houses in the mountains with nobody around for miles and miles.
Now I'm stuck in the city. I've been given the short straw and scored a trifecta - Nosy neighbours, noisy neighbours and pervy peeping Tom neighbours.

Stellaris22 · 03/11/2021 13:52

It’s incredibly lonely for children and there’s no freedom. Can’t do any activity without relying on a parent to drive, worse when you are a teenager. I’ve grown up like that and wouldn’t do that to my DD.

julieca · 03/11/2021 13:58

@Mimilamore you just end up spending your life in buses or cars.

SockFluffInTheBath · 03/11/2021 14:04

I hate it. I’m from the city and moved in with DH 18yrs ago. It was ‘nice’ for the DC when they were little but now it’s just dull. Rural secondary school means some of their friends are 30 miles away with naff all public transport to town let alone to their friends. There is an ok pub in our village, and a tiny shop with tiny overpriced jars and those god awful ‘small local bakery’ cakes that taste of margarine. As for community, that extends as far as the older residents thinking they can know everyone’s business and telling everyone what they should be doing.

julieca · 03/11/2021 14:09

Sorry that made me laugh about some of the older residents. It sounds like you have met some of my relatives. One of my relatives in particular fights every single tiny change proposed to the village including planning permissions. He spent hours successfully fighting the Dr surgery moving from an old house to a modern building. Oh and he gossips about everyone.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 03/11/2021 14:17

I lived rurally then had my son and moved to a big town because it just isnt practical with a little one. I miss it all the time though and when my sons grown im going back!

LittleDandelionClock · 03/11/2021 14:19

@Stellaris22

It’s incredibly lonely for children and there’s no freedom. Can’t do any activity without relying on a parent to drive, worse when you are a teenager. I’ve grown up like that and wouldn’t do that to my DD.

Nonsense. Children in a village grow up with their friends and school mates who also live rurally/in the same village. And many villages have activities for children AND adults. They also have the good fortune of living in a lovely safe place, surrounded by woodlands and fields to play... Instead of being holed up in a flat, or a tiny terrace on a main road in a rough/built up area, with the nearest playground half a mile away, across 3 or 4 main roads...

And as I said earlier, even in the suburbs and towns many people need a car; to drive their kids around, and get to work, and to hospital appointments, and to help vulnerable/older family members etc.

Public transport is shit in many areas, and many people need a car for work, and to run the kids about, etc etc... even if they live in a town or suburb. Even in a town, not everywhere the kids go for their activities, is going to be walking distance, and some places will not be easy to get to (and from) by public transport... And parents are going to need a car for after-school clubs. Unless you want them walking/taking a bus back home at 7-8pm, (which will be in the dark half the year!)

And - as I said earlier, people/children are just as likely - if not more likely - to be lonely in a town or city ...

LittleDandelionClock · 03/11/2021 14:20

@CounsellorTroi

Yes I enjoy rural holidays but living rurally would drive me up the wall. Especially the dark winters. On a summer hoIiday you’re seeing it at its best. I do know a bit about it as my mother grew up on a small farm but moved to the city after training as a teacher, so I spent a good bit of time in the country as a child.

Smug country dwellers who think they are living everyone’s dream, not just their own, really annoy me.

Yeah we get it, you don't want to live rurally. But I'm amazed you can stand up straight with the size of that chip you have on your shoulder. Your loathing for rural living and people who live in the countryside is glaringly obvious.

However, I haven't seen a single 'smug' post from a 'rural dweller' on this thread. Just people saying how much they love it. And snide remarks from you. For some reason people celebrating rural living annoys you, and you clearly have an axe to grind.

Maybe people in your real life who live rurally, go on about how much they love it, and you are secretly a bit jealous. (It sounds like it.) Don't want to come and live rurally, then don't. I am sure people living rurally will be more than happy if you stay right where you are - in the town. Wink

(Sounds a bit like you secretly want to live rurally though, and that's why you're so angry and defensive towards people talking about the wonders of countryside living...) Grin

CounsellorTroi · 03/11/2021 14:25

Ah yes jealousy that old Mumsnet trope. If it makes you feel better to think I’m jealous then carry on thinking it.

SockFluffInTheBath · 03/11/2021 14:27

Nonsense. Children in a village grow up with their friends and school mates who also live rurally/in the same village.

Not necessarily, school friends can be scattered across large catchment areas, especially in secondary school. The closest of DS’ friends is a 20 minute car ride away, for DD it’s 15mins.

julieca · 03/11/2021 14:27

@LittleDandelionClock it depends how rural. Some of what people call villages, I would call towns. If you have less than 10 people of your own age in the village, there may not be anyone you actually want to be friends with.

Stellaris22 · 03/11/2021 14:29

Where I lived it was just our house with no community or neighbours with children. When you are a teenager and want to go anywhere you still need parents to drive you to a train station or nearest bus. It’s awful and lonely, not something I would inflict on my DD.

I live near a city now and the sense of freedom is great, we can go out without worrying about driving. Lots of school friends living minutes away and various parks to play in.

Until you’ve experienced depending on someone to drive you for every little thing I don’t think you can understand the loneliness of it.

Ewis · 03/11/2021 14:36

However, I haven't seen a single 'smug' post from a 'rural dweller' on this thread

Try rereading your own posts.

Chipsahoy · 03/11/2021 14:42

This is interesting. Just buying a rural house. No neighbours. 6 miles to nearest large village. WinkShock

julieca · 03/11/2021 14:50

My DP had one boy roughly his age nearby. They played together as young kids, but they didn't have much in common as teenagers. The only other neighbours at all close by were an elderly couple.
I am not saying this can never work, it can. But if you deny there are challenges for your kids, I doubt you will be doing anything to overcome them.