To ask if you live rurally....do you enjoy it?

[PottererCrouch]

As title really, I live rurally and really enjoy it, but I was at a party on Saturday night and got talking to a friend of the host, they asked where I live and when I said where it was, pretty much gasped and said 'good lord, however do you cope living there? It's the middle of nowhere, no, I couldn't be doing with that. I always wonder why people want to live rurally, just doesn't appeal at all to me. Do you actually enjoy it?!'

They were very drunk but I couldn't help but feel a bit offended for a start, it IS a small village (300 houses) but it does have a pub and primary school and we're only 6 miles to the nearest town so not completely 'isolated.'

I see a lot of people on here warning others off living rurally as it isn't good for kids and they regret it etc.

If you live rurally, do you enjoy it and why?

That was very rude of the person making those comments! They obviously had no social skills or filter- the basic social concept that different people like different things is groundbreaking news still to some quite clearly. Amazing.

I live in a small market town, and moved here after 7 years of rural living. For me it was soul destroying being so far from a community- but it sounds like this isn't the issue for you. I worked full time, an hour away from home had dh and 3 small children, their school was only 5 miles away (in the town I now live in) and when we moved there we didn't move the children to the catchment school as it was still five miles away, just in the opposite direction so there seemed little point. I didn't have the opportunity to make any connections locally. The local pub/shop were not within walking distance and I might as well have been living on an island in the middle of the ocean. I went to local baby groups etc when on maternity leave, children did local clubs, sport and cubs etc but it just wasn't enough to make me part of the community.

I had reservations about it when we moved but ex dh convinced me that it would be OK. It wasn't, and ultimately contributed in large part to the failure of our marriage.

BUT- if we had been in a village rather than actually without neighbours for at least a mile then I think it would have been different. The human connection bit for me is massively important I have realised- I now have neighbours, and might not see them from one day to the next to talk to but we stop and exchange pleasantries when we do bump into each other and if I forget milk its not a 20 min round trip in the car to get some.

TL:DR rural living didn't suit me but your acquaintance was very blinkered/rude, and everyone's circumstances are different.

We're in a small town of 2000 and most of the amenities I'd need on the doorstep like doctors, grocery shop, pub, butchers, florist, hairdressers. But nearest town or major supermarket is at least 20 miles away in any direction. Nearest city is over an hour away. I absolutely love where we are now, I feel much safer. I would never have gone for a walk on my own after dark as we lived in the dodgy end of town and was horrible even in daylight hours. I was always anxious about being burgled whilst we were at home which happened 3 times at our last house. The noise and rubbish always used to get me down. I am much calmer and even my DH has mentioned my mood has lifted since we moved. I've always lived in cities and the main reason why we've always been close to a city centre was because we couldn't afford the running costs of a car but we now can so we moved to an entirely new area. I love visiting cities, the architecture, culture and buzz of it all but I don't think I could live so close to a city centre again.

@Astrak interesting about the privacy you mention. A close friend of mine lives in a small village and the lack of it astounds me- she can't put a new plant in the garden or make an appointment at the dentist without it being discussed in the pub by teatime. Everyone knows everyone else's business and it really is just like The Archers! Everyone finds their happy medium though don't they. Your boat sounds idyllic :)

I love it

RobertClementHughes: re village life. My maternal grandmother lived a couple of miles away in the village. The best-known village gossip was Mrs. Nell. She spent a lot of her day at her bay window. My grandmother was a regular church-goer. I used to accompany her. As we walked past Mrs Nell, she would offer a comment. One such was " 'ere, Missus W, you've got a ladder in yer stockin'. Ooh no, you 'ent - goo on". Grandmother would offer a gracious "Good morning, Mrs Nell" and sail on, complete with beatific smile. A lovely lady, whose only transgression was in sharing a bottle of stout with her best friend.

Grandmother made me promise never to tell anyone about that. "It's a bit common, darling". It was a stultifying class-ridden society, in those days. It did have its good parts though, and I have benefitted from that

I hate it but I live rurally rural - you live in a village - I'd love even that

It's so inconvenient and I can't wait to move but it will take a couple of years before I can. When I go to stay with my mum in my hometown I really see the downsides of where I live and I could weep when I drive back into the rolling hills of doom! It's actually incredibly picturesque (which is why I was initially drawn in) and everyone who comes to my house gushes over the views etc. and I agree it would be nice for a weekend away but it's much different having to actually live here.

When I finally escape I will never EVER consider living in the countryside again. I actually think I'm quite scarred by the experience especially when my DC were babies - the loneliness and isolation was horrendous. Now my DC are a little older I regularly escape to larger towns and cities as much as I can and it feels great to have that feeling of actually being "part" of the modern world rather than being cut off from it.

However I know tons of people who love it, mostly those who grew up with it as their norm (including my husband who hates city/suburban life) so you do you and don't worry about what your friends think - it's your life not theirs.

@Astrak, it does help to have a warm and cosy house! I always lived in period properties and had no choice but to move into a new build to get the land I wanted for our ponies. Now I love it. Our curtains don't move when the wind blows and when I come in from mucking out and feeding the house is always toasty. It is also much easier to clean!

Oh the privacy thing is a myth - I grew up in a large town and knew very little of my neighbours' business. We were friendly to each other and there was a lovely sense of community but people kept their private lives private.

Where I live now you can't see any other houses from my house yet everyone miraculously knows things about your life and everyone elses. My husband knows details of people's finances, relationships, what they're due to inherit it's madness and the nosiness astounds me. They all gossip and delight in people's troubles it's so provincial. Less people does not equate more privacy in my experience!

@Ledition

Oh the privacy thing is a myth - I grew up in a large town and knew very little of my neighbours' business. We were friendly to each other and there was a lovely sense of community but people kept their private lives private.

Where I live now you can't see any other houses from my house yet everyone miraculously knows things about your life and everyone elses. My husband knows details of people's finances, relationships, what they're due to inherit it's madness and the nosiness astounds me. They all gossip and delight in people's troubles it's so provincial. Less people does not equate more privacy in my experience!

I agree. While my community looks out for each other, we also respect each other's privacy.

@Ledition Totally agree. I know things about newcomers to my relatives village. I haven't even met them. My mum lives next door to the village gossip and hears everything that everyone is doing.
My family don't know who my neighbours are. Although I know my neighbours and chat with them, people simply do not gossip here. In villages and rural areas, there are always some gossips.
It is the thing my DP said he most hated about living in a village.

It’s fantastic having the community feel and everything within waking distance but when you’ve fallen out with a friend big-time, it’s absolutely horrific and the worst place on Earth.
Just going to the end of the driveway sends shivers down your spine yet when you’re friends with all residents, it’s such a good quality of life.

When I was 12, my mum(parents divorced) decided to.move us 200 odd miles down south to a town of 8000 from a city in West Yorkshire(I'd only been there a year as well as I'd just moved out of my dad's first chance I got and in with her. I know for a fact she didn't consider me or the different school system and knew that I hated it from the moment we were there, but she didn't care '' If you don't like it, go back to your dads'' (She meant my abusive dad who I couldn't wait to get away from and who lived in a town much like the one we'd just moved to)
Many horrible things happened to me in that town, I wonder if I somehow picked up on what was to come in the future that first day. If I'd been away during the time I was there, when I saw the church looming on the horizon on the drive in to it, I was always filled with foreboding. Apart from that, in that place I was just bored, my son lives there now and loves it! I'm not in that place anymore, but I'm still not where I want to be. One day, I'll be free..

@CounsellorTroi true, I meant privacy in the sense of kitchens looking into your kitchen or overlooking your garden etc. I’ve never lived in a village where everyone gossips, the one i grew up in and the one I live in now mostly has working families living there so we say hello or pass the time of day then carry on with our lives. I also guess it’s what your used to, a relative lived in a village where everyone knew everyone’s business but no one was bothered unless they were new or hadn’t lived somewhere like that.

Also where I live now it’s just fields out the back so that to me is true privacy I hated being overlooked

Love it and my dc is autistic so perfect there too.

If you want privacy I recommend a city. I've lived in a couple and never knew any of my neighbours. It didn't feel like privacy though, it felt like being isolated despite being surrounded by people. Here I know everyone in my road and the next road and lots of others in the village.

@PeoplePleaserBe

Just going to the end of the driveway sends shivers down your spine yet when you’re friends with all residents, it’s such a good quality of life.

Same here. Where I live, half of the village has a view over the mountains, and the other half has a view over the fields and meadows. It's so beautiful. And as I said, only a few minutes walk to the woodlands, canal, and river...

And despite what a few people have said, there is no nasty nosey gossiping. I mean, nobody is perfect and there are a few nosey/gossipy people across the other side of the village, but even suburbs, towns, and cities have that. Most of them don't have the warm cosy community though. My neighbours are lovely, my village is lovely, and I will never move.

I noticed that the person who asked what the rural dwellers would so if they can't drive one day, didn't respond to my answer. Probably because they didn't like what they heard and had nowhere to go with it, as it was a good, intelligent response that she couldn't dispute. Several other posters have answered/responded to her snarky posts with good intelligent responses, and she hasn't responded back to them either.

There may be a few smug posts on here about living rurally, but there are no more smug responses than there are catty, mean spirited remarks aimed at people who live rurally. A few posts from certain posters are dripping with vitriol and envy. I am not saying anyone who doesn't live rurally automatically has to be jealous, and I know some people don't give a fig, and wouldn't WANT to live rurally. But you can tell who the jealous, bitter ones are on this thread.

Also, a few people have said they or their children moved away from the rural life and preferred the city life full of excitement and all its amenities. That has happened in the village live in with a few young people, but they almost always come back. Some of the young leave the village, have 10 or 15 years in the city/travelling the world, but then come back and settle down for life - OR they move to another village closeby...

They realise that the country life IS the best life. (For many...)

II notice that the person who asked what the rural dwellers would so if they can't drive one day, didn't respond to my answer. Probably because they didn't like what they heard and had nowhere to go with it, as it was a good, intelligent response that she couldn't dispute. grin Several other posters have answered/responded to her snarky posts with good intelligent responses, and she hasn't responded back to them either. wink

My comments were asked out of a genuine interest. I have relatives who’ve relocated to the city in order to get better access to healthcare and because they had to give up driving because of eyesight problems. There was no snarkiness intended. And with privacy and the poster who replied to me - it means different things to different people, physical privacy from the point of view of not being overlooked, or the privacy of other people not knowing your business.

I appreciate everyone is different but I would not be happy living somewhere isolated. I grew up semi rural, right on the outskirts of a city with a huge garden and fields and hills behind. Our living room overlooked the garden and in winter nights I hated the blackness of the windows before the curtains were drawn. I like to be able to see other people’s lights. As I say everyone’s different.

If you have issues with my posts, why not address them to me directly?

This is a bit of an odd thread. Drink was taken, the other guest was rude and OP could have either engaged or changed the subject.

All of us have different experiences and choices.

I think the major issue is transport, jobs and housing.

It is lovely to be in the middle of the country. Not so much if you can't be a taxi service for your teenagers or DP and none of them can get around. Primary schools tend to be fine but some still need transport because they're three miles away along small and dangerous rural lanes. Any childcare or help you need will probably have to have private transport. You are likely to travel miles to your job or to catch a train.

If you can't drive or can't afford to drive, it's limiting.

WFH has been a blessing. If this goes on it gives some opportunity. But there are still swathes of rural England (even near big cities) where WFI is unreliable, low speed or inaccessible. Jobs for teenagers who can't drive are limited in many areas.

The cost of housing is worse in the country, especially in "pretty areas" when you factor in the buy to lets, second homes and Air BNBs. You can get dead areas in winter. This is true anywhere, but more isolating when you have no neighbours for part of the year.

And you have to buy your view. Do not rely on those open fields, country walks and farmland being there forever. Nor the bus service or lovely local pub or shops.

I loved living in the countryside in a small hamlet near a village. My DC were reasonably self sufficient but even when they learnt to drive, we couldn't afford a car for them.

And drugs and drinking are as common in rus as in urbs.

@LittleDandelionClock some of my family have moved away and moved back to rural life. Some of us have moved away and would never go back.

[quote AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii]@CounsellorTroi true, I meant privacy in the sense of kitchens looking into your kitchen or overlooking your garden etc. I’ve never lived in a village where everyone gossips, the one i grew up in and the one I live in now mostly has working families living there so we say hello or pass the time of day then carry on with our lives. I also guess it’s what your used to, a relative lived in a village where everyone knew everyone’s business but no one was bothered unless they were new or hadn’t lived somewhere like that.[/quote]
When you say working families, do you mean one of those places where everyone commutes in and out every day for work?
Ill be honest I don't consider them true villages, just suburbs separated by fields from the City. True villages have intergenerational families, families that have lived there for generations, and maybe some newcomers.
Commuting villages don't tend to have gossip as they are suburbia with pretty views.

@julieca no families that have lived here for years and older family near by etc, some of them are new comers but a lot have been here for a long time

Okay I am pleasantly surprised there is no gossiping

@julieca it’s a bit of a funny village to be fair, there’s maybe 15-20 houses down either side of a through road, there is a village hall that has stuff on for the kids etc but that’s it

I love it. Surrounded by woodland and fields and 10 mins from the sea.

I've always lived rurally apart from time at uni. I love spending a weekend in a city but that's enough for me. Too noisy, big cities feel grubby, too many people, it doesn't feel like you can breathe fresh air deeply. Few trees.

But occasionally I like the big shops, the take away choices, the theatre and the lights in the evenings.

I'm always glad to return home. My heart is in the countryside, with animals and wildlife, log fires and walking. No light pollution just stars.

I had a friend who was from Hong Kong and her view was the complete opposite. She longed to be surrounded by people, missed the hustle and bustle of city life, she was so miserable in the countryside.

It must depend on what you are used to.