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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you live rurally....do you enjoy it?

251 replies

PottererCrouch · 01/11/2021 12:47

As title really, I live rurally and really enjoy it, but I was at a party on Saturday night and got talking to a friend of the host, they asked where I live and when I said where it was, pretty much gasped and said 'good lord, however do you cope living there? It's the middle of nowhere, no, I couldn't be doing with that. I always wonder why people want to live rurally, just doesn't appeal at all to me. Do you actually enjoy it?!'

They were very drunk but I couldn't help but feel a bit offended Hmm for a start, it IS a small village (300 houses) but it does have a pub and primary school and we're only 6 miles to the nearest town so not completely 'isolated.'

I see a lot of people on here warning others off living rurally as it isn't good for kids and they regret it etc.

If you live rurally, do you enjoy it and why?

OP posts:
TwinsandTrifle · 01/11/2021 15:44

Having lived in various places, rural is super if no children, or young children. Rural is a nightmare for children who want to hang out with friends, or have a social life that doesn't revolve around the only other child in a five mile radius.

I grew up rural. From the age of around 11, I hated it. Everyone else in a bigger village or town had multiple friends to choose from. Places to go. Several youth clubs. Could hang out in town. Start looking around shops together. All the normal social interactions.

I got a fifth of this, because I had to be dropped of and picked up, pre-planned with lots of notice with the rest of the family schedule. No ad-hoc "just knocking for Jane". Because Jane was a 20 minute drive away. 40 mins round trip for my parents, both ways.

However, when I was little and fun meant running in the field behind our house with the dog. Or rolling down the farmers hill with my cousin, which was hours of fun, aged 8. All my friends went to the primary school, in which I was part of the class of 5. Then, rural life was brilliant. Once I had to take the bus to "big school" and always be the one who had missed out on the weekend full of socialising, that seemed so easy for my peers, it was a different story.

Sagealicious · 01/11/2021 15:47

I don't think I could ever live in a rural or remote area but I'm Australian and rural/remote in Australia would be completely different to how it is in the UK. I think it depends on where you're from, what you're used to, your needs i.e. medical, schooling, your wants -more space, bit quieter etc. Everyone is different with different wants and needs.

PurBal · 01/11/2021 15:53

I love it. Only 450 people in our village on the last census. No school but 2 pubs. We’re only 1.5 miles across fields / long distance footpaths from nearest town. Much less rural than where I used to live but couldn’t afford to live there unfortunately.

StoneofDestiny · 01/11/2021 16:01

Lived in cities and would describe myself as a city girl. However have lived in villages too and it depends what type of village you live in - they aren't all the same. My recent experience of rural life has been positive - and to my amazement I've had a busier social life than I had anywhere else. Never had so many friends and such a busy social calendar (none of which involves horses, dogs or the WI 😂)

Indoctro · 01/11/2021 16:04

I live in a village of maybe 50 houses, no school , pub or shop. 6 miles from a town and 30 miles from a city and we absolutely love it

I can't stand going to the city with all the traffic and even going to the town I get frustrated at the parking and traffic

I can't think of anything worse than living in a place bigger than where I live

We are all different

Whammyyammy · 01/11/2021 16:16

I love it. Only downside is 1 village pub, 1 shop and the likes of uber/deliveroo/just eat don't service our area.

TheValeyard · 01/11/2021 16:24

We live very rurally and love it, but it certainly comes with challenges.

On the plus side, the quality of life is tremendous, crime is basically non-existent, we have a close knit community and school. I have a long commute (when not working from home) but the funny thing is that it is other local people that comment on it most. People who have moved here from a city don't think an hour's commute is that unusual! My commute is also through gorgeous scenery (we often stop for whales...)

On the downside, the cost of living is very high, services such as shops and health can be quite precarious, connectivity is hit and miss, and I often wonder if our DCs would have a better social experience at a larger school.

MeanderingGently · 01/11/2021 16:26

I live rurally and I love it. Wouldn't live anywhere else. Brought my children up in a different rural area, I thought it was lovely although a lot of driving about to take them to friends' houses etc. The children have turned out to be city dwellers though!

Spent a number of years in a city, I hated it really. Now I'm older and on my own, I'm back in the countryside. It's beautiful at any time of year. I love the fresh air, the peace and quiet, the glorious country lanes.... Wouldn't swap it for the world.

Tumbleweed101 · 01/11/2021 16:27

I like living rurally. I grew up in London and always dreamed of living in the country. I do quite enjoy having a weekend or so in London but wouldn't want to move back full time to where I grew up.

My bedroom has a view over the fields and I get the most amazing sunsets between April - October before it slips behind a line of trees during winter.

I've played with the idea of moving into town for my teens but they want to stay out where we are in the peace and quiet. They like the walks straight outside and our big garden.

Driving the teens about is hard for a few years but they learn to drive more quickly because of the location. I like the village fetes and activities and due to my job I know the local families so feel an established member of the community.

nokidshere · 01/11/2021 16:31

We lived rurally for 17yrs. It was ok but it's definitely harder work. No pavements, street lights, muddy underfoot, no public transport, nearest shop was 3 miles, nearest town 5 miles. I went to our wedding in wellies. We either had to drive everywhere or get taxis as there was limited and sporadic public transport and had to factor that into nights out etc.

When I finally got pregnant we moved to a small market town. Its quiet, easy access to beautiful countryside, walks to school and local shops. Cinemas and restaurants less than a mile away. We have been here 23yrs now and I can't see us moving as it's perfectly placed for when we get old(er).

I always watch programmes that show older people moving into the middle of nowhere (and usually with lots of stairs) and wonder how practical it's going to be in their later years.

TertiusLydgate · 01/11/2021 16:32

We live in a rural village with no amenities.

Much as we’d like a pub and a shop, we absolutely love where we live. It’s the bucolic idyll as far as I’m concerned, and we’re only a 10 min drive/40 minute walk from town.

AliceAldridge · 01/11/2021 16:56

My village has 1200 people, no shop, no school, no GP, but does have a pub and a village hall. It isn't properly rural as there is a regular bus ride to a large town we are on the edge of, but it sometimes feels that way for how little there is here. I have mixed feelings. Sometimes I love being surrounded by countryside, others I wish I lived in a nice suburb near a school and lots of other families. I have noticed that since I have lived here, a lot of people particularly my family, seem to comment about how convenient their own locations are. They do not directly say 'compared to where you live' but they never said stuff like that when I lived in a town so it does sometimes feel implied!

TheMamaYo · 01/11/2021 16:56

We live in a tiny semi-rural village. No school, no shops, just a pub and a church. If we need anything, we can find it in surrounding villages, or the town which is just a few miles away.
It is dead quiet here, we have fields surrounding us on all sides. Wouldn't change a thing about it! Actually, scrap that. Better internet would be great. But besides that, this is bliss.

CeeJay81 · 01/11/2021 17:08

I live in a tiny town of 2,500 (it'd be a Village in England). It is in the middle of nowhere. Like almost 100 miles to a city. However it has both primary and high school, doctors and a leisure centre. It's Surrounded by small villages, 18 miles to the big supermarkets. 60 miles to shops like Primark. It takes getting used to but it's a lovely community where people speak to each other in the street. There are things I miss about being so isolated but I think the pros out way the cons.

Hillary17 · 01/11/2021 17:26

We’re semi rural - village has a couple of pubs, corner shop, post office etc. Buses reasonably often into the next town and we love it. It’s not convenient really but we are lucky and have a train station so we can basically get wherever we need. Couldn’t imagine being in a city again!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/11/2021 18:29

When I was 10, my parents decided to move to a tiny village on the side of a hill in Shropshire. My sister and I weren’t involved in the discussions at all. I’m not saying we should have had the casting vote, but it felt (and still feels) to me as if we were not considered at all. For contrast, when our boys were 10, 12 and 14, dh was offered a job in Scotland, and we talked it through with them before we made the decision, so we knew what their main concerns were - and we made sure that they were happy to move and that we addressed their concerns (ds2 was a keen cricketer, so we promised to live near a cricket club).

Dsis and I found ourselves living in a tiny village with no amenities apart from a primary school and a church, and where the few kids around had known each other all their lives, and didn’t want to let new people into the circle. Basically I had no real friends, and even when I went to senior school, I only made a couple of friends, and owing to the utter lack of public transport (we lived 2 miles from the nearest bus stop that had only an hourly service in each direction), I could only see them in school.

My parents didn’t seem to consider the social lives of their children at all - only dad drove, and he would only drive us to our music lessons and to Guides, because he did enough driving getting to and from work. There was no question of giving us bus fare, so we could hike to the bus stop and go to see friends. They would get us to activities they approved of - concerts we were in, music lessons, school plays - but I only once went to a school disco - they didn’t approve of pop music, and so there was no way we could go to discos - even the special Christmas disco when I was in Sixth Form.

As an adult, I’d be happy living somewhere remote - as long as I have broadband, and can get deliveries, I can cope - but if you have children, I think you need to put a LOT of effort into helping them maintain social lives.

I was badly bullied from the time we moved until I went to Sixth Form college - I didn’t fit in - I had the wrong accent, was a book worm, and a swot at school, and knew absolutely nothing about farming or rural life. That bullying has blighted my life right up to today.

I think it can work for families, but you need to go into it with your eyes open, and prepared to do what is needed to help your kids fit in, and be happy. My parents wanted the rural idyll for themselves, and I don’t think they would have deviated from their plan even if they had known how unhappy I was going to become.

I’m sorry if this sounds bleak and negative.

stayathomer · 01/11/2021 20:21

Also does anyone else find it claustrophobic at night? Like a blanket of darkness; or do I sound like I’ve been on the gin before lunch? 🤔
We lived in a place before that only had fields all around and the end of our garden went onto a country lane. It was like a horror movie at night, especially because in the far distance was a lake that had teenagers racing their cars, hated it. Now we live rurally but with neighbours and the odd light about, very different!

Stompythedinosaur · 01/11/2021 20:37

I like rurally. 300 houses with a pub and a shop sounds like a well provisioned village, hardly out on your own in the sticks.

I like that I know everyone in our (not very populated) valley. I like that the dc can range about. I like that I don't have to lock my door. I like that it is beautiful and peaceful.

It isn't for everyone, I recognise that. But it is rude to be so critical of your life choices.

Eastie77Returns · 01/11/2021 21:10

@Sandinmyknickers

For those saying she was rude...yes maybe it was more than she would have said because of the alcohol, but being from London (by birth, so not like I chose it, although I have chosen to stay), I get this all the time...people (particularly from the North of England it seems) just LOVE to give unsolicited comments of how they just couldn't possibly live in London (so dirty, noisy, busy, expensive, rude people etc). My response is often "ok" "good to know" My point being...ignore her

Everyone is different and prefers different things. If you're happy with your life, why do you care what others think of rural living

Agree and think it’s odd that people find it ok to criticise London in a way that would be judged unacceptable and offensive if the same language was used about another city. Also born and always lived here and if I had a pound for every random non-Londoner who has told me “no offence but I could never live in London, it’s awful/a shithole/people are rude/heartless/ will step over you if you collapse in the street/no-one smiles at anyone….I’d be a millionaire. It’s almost always the case that they’ve never lived here but visited for 3 days in 2001, are still smarting over how expensive everything was and base their views on that. I normally just smile and nod.

OP - I often dream about living rurally and frequently look up cottages in rural locations online. In my head I think it would be idyllic but the reality is I wouldn’t last 5 minutes. I’d feel nervous in the quiet darkness at night and I’m not exactly good with wildlife - I’m scared of the foxes in my garden ffs!

AnitaMani · 02/11/2021 08:05

This was a good read a few weeks ago, particularly the replies from SoloISland

To think I am idealising this idea? (Remote living) http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4347151-To-think-I-am-idealising-this-idea-Remote-living

PottererCrouch · 02/11/2021 08:35

Ohhh I didn’t see that thread, I’ll have a look, thanks!

OP posts:
gcgirlsrock · 02/11/2021 08:39

We have close to a dream life in our rural village in the Cotswolds. Wouldn’t swap it for anything. Great schools, friendly and sociable and what I would consider to be an excellent quality of life.

Whenever people say things like that to me I assume they are jealous, and they usually are!

thepeopleversuswork · 02/11/2021 08:40

They were rude and probably defensive.

Obviously it’s horses for courses.

To be totally frank I would avoid living rurally with tween or teenage kids as I think rural is problematic at that age. But beyond that suit yourselves!

gcgirlsrock · 02/11/2021 08:44

I have teens who wouldn’t dream of moving to the city. They like to come home, ride the horses, hang out with friends for parties in the garden. They find the city unsafe and not much fun. Far better to have pool and garden parties in the country. The odd shopping city and theatre break is more than enough.

DeepaBeesKit · 02/11/2021 10:00

I live in a village like yours OP and we love it. Lovely community, beautiful countryside, low crime, really safe for the kids and we all spend lots of time outdoors

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