To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

Glad I’m not the only one with itchy ears! I think it’s something to do with the skin drying out, probably similar to the vaginal dryness though I’ve not experienced that particular joy yet. We’re all destined to be dried out old husks!

I’ve been reading this and have thought of some other stuff. As I’ve been period free for two years I’m officially classed as menopausal rather than peri. Thinking back, the only clue I had of being peri was my periods getting lighter and less painful. Previously they were torture in every way possible then for about 6 months they just got lighter and then stopped.

What gets me now is the hair. All the extra hair! Especially around the chin area 😱

Oh god yes - the chin hair In fact, the hair generally, there’s so much of it!

@CaveMum

Glad I’m not the only one with itchy ears! I think it’s something to do with the skin drying out, probably similar to the vaginal dryness though I’ve not experienced that particular joy yet. We’re all destined to be dried out old husks!

Lower estrogen levels cause the mucous membranes in the inner ear to dry out. Well it causes everything to dry out. I see your itchy ears and raise you an itchy perineum.

Oof, don’t fancy that one @HemanOrSheRa.

Reading the Dr Louise webpage the IBS-type symptoms also ring plenty of bells.

I started peri about 45. Shitty pms symptoms, anxiety even when I’ve nothing to be anxious about, no motivation. Night sweats.

I’m 47 now and am on HRT (oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone), I eat very clean, I exercise 3 x times minimum a week, I take magnesium citrate, K2 and D3. I also have very much considered where my life is right now psychologically and made some tough choices/ decisions about where I want to be and go

I (right now) feel level, resilient and excited for my soon to be future without the burden of child rearing. I hear the thing that pp are saying about people being annoying, I had that too, but I now seem to have developed a good tolerance and would go so far as to say, empathy. I find ‘annoying’ people more humorous than anything now. Nothing much touches the sides any more and I feel a sense of calm generally in my life,

There’s hope.

The things that help me are

• eating low carb
• running
• a lot of time alone which I’m lucky to get

When school term is back I feel back on track and can do the dc stuff better

Making me have more confidence in some ways (not to take any crap) and less in other ways (socially I guess... just not fussed).

Peri or menop -- I'm 54 & haven't had either. So ... no change?

Health anxiety has hugely ramped up too.

@MrsPatmoresPinny re diet, eat as much variety of fruit/ veg/ whole grains, and limit sugar/ processed foods. Flax seed is great. Start at 1/2 tbsp and build up to 2tbsp/ day. Phytoestrogen foods - soy, green veg etc can help.

I find food makes zero difference. Avoiding alcohol helps a tiny bit, but only a tiny bit.

In the midst of peri,

More tearful - never used to cry.
Haven't had a full nights sleep for years.
Periods are very random.
Hot flushes.
Driving anixety.
Intolerence of stupid people.
No longer care about what I wear, so feel unattractive most of the time.

On Plus side:
Leaving job soon, as I no longer can cope with long hours, stress and annoying collegues. Putting my mental health first.

Improved my skin care regime and the benefits are begining to show.

@MarshaBradyo

Ok thanks re periods

Has anyone not done HRT? Why if not

I know nothing about this really, also does HRT tend to cause weight gain?

I have never used HRT or any herbal supplements. Aged 54, no periods at all for 3 years and very very irregular in the 2 years before that. Have had hot flushes for the past 7 years although far far better now, maybe one a day. Sleep is ok too, although driven mad by itchy skin and use special cream. Libido is v low though and I’m dry. Very understanding DH and we find other ways. Had my youngest at 40 so still very much in mum mode at home. Have been studying for last 10 years and just submitted doctoral thesis today so I’d say no brain fog. Anger? Maybe a little more short tempered but I’d put that down to the pressures of studying with a family still at home!

So no major menopausal or peri menopausal symptoms? You’re very lucky

@sage46

I love this thread, all of a sudden I don't feel so mad and lonely.

Me too!

Have genuinely thought I was going mad with so many of these symptoms. For me the worst has been a sudden loss of confidence and increase in anxiety and depression. I have a stressful job which doesn't allow for anything other than peak performance at all times.

I was always an incredibly positive and happy person especially in my early 40s but now just feel utterly detached from my previous self.

I get dry eyes too. Never had that before. Having to use eye drops a lot now.

Yes this resonates so much for me. 46, feel v been peri for past 3 or so years. I feel so different in myself. It's like my basic settings (which served me very well as an adult for past 25 years) have changed. Never had anxiety before...now pretty constant low level anxiety, lower self esteem and general detachment from others. I don't really like this me, and I used to like me. I'm just trying to let myself go though this change by being kind to myself, exercise helps, minimal alcohol helps. I'm still trying to work out how I feel about this version of me tbh.

OP, I'm so glad you started this thread.

One thing I notice is that any of the long-winded MN posts about female friendships always provoke me to think: "Oh FFS, you're not 12 any more. Just shut up and think about something more interesting."

Though I don't say this, obviously. I read the first line then use the back button.

HRT didn't make me gain weight, btw. I'd not be taking it if it did!

I'm just 40.
Periods have always been regular, spot on to the day. But they have been getting more and more heavy for a while now. Irregular for the last few months and this months I bled(spotting) on and off for a couple of weeks before my period started (which was very very heavy).

Brain fog, horrific, words seem to have just fallen out of my head and people I have known for years, their names have gone.

Tired.
Tearful (although I've always bee quite emotional anyway)
Bladder weakness
Itching :/

Scan booked in to look for fibroid but then I will be pushing for more investigation. Grandmother and sister were 39 .

Yes, speaking to GP about this this week after I burst into tears last week when talking to them about something completely unrelated.

Hard to explain, but I am just not comfortable in my own skin anymore. Everything irritates me, but I don't know what I need to feel better. I'm drinking more, but it doesn't really 'satisfy' me, it's just a coping thing. Even chocolate doesn't really do it for me anymore. Maybe I'm a cursed pirate!

So fed up of just not sleeping properly. Get irrational anxiety attacks out of nowhere for no reason, and always feel slightly sweaty, even when it's quite cool. Periods have gone from clockwork to quite unpredictable and I don't have the same ambitious or competitive spirit I once had. Everything is a bit too much effort and someone younger and fresher should definitely do it before I have to! Oh and the migraines, getting more migraines more often, very irritating.

My biggest worry is not really trusting my brain anymore, making mistakes at work and forgetting things.

I recognise all of these symptoms. I had a bereavement a couple of years ago and also impact of pandemic so thought the changes in me may be down to these things but I think it’s all the menopause.

I have never been an anxious person. Now I am aware of my anxiety. I feel sad. Depressed. Weepy. Angry. Rage. Sometimes all in the same afternoon. My tolerance was never that high but now I want to call people out on their shit behaviour. I’ve called time on a few friendships which I felt were more taking than giving and went NC with my brother.

I’m not getting the same joy out of life anymore. Everything feels like a fucking chore. I work long hours and all I want to do in the evenings and weekends is just lie about and read or watch the telly. I’m already dreading having to go to couple works Christmas dos and catch ups with friends.

I can’t even seem to see how lucky I am. I have achieved career wise. Good husband. Friends, although fewer. Lovely home. Car. No immediate money worries but I am lying awake at night imagining things going tits up. Losing my job. Losing my home. Not being able to work. I’m crawling over family dynamics that are not new but now upset me.

I feel agitated a lot of the time. I have terrible joint pain and I can’t seem to get my finger out and get to GP and get some pain relief/treatment. Sleep issues. Too hot. Too cold. Itchy. Restless. Waking at 4.30. Knackered when alarm goes off.

Last week I couldn’t get parked at the hairdressers so after driving round the block a couple of times I just thought Fuck it and drove home. 80 quid that cost me and it’s like I just don’t care. It’s truly shit x

@Opal8 fully menopausal (surgical, no HRT) and mother to a 3 year old. I adore my daughter, plenty of nurturing for her. But I don’t give much of a shit about anyone else or what people think and that’s quite liberating really.

@CaveWoman1 So glad it's not just me!

I'm so glad to find this!!
41, sure I've been peri for a few years.
Tired, aches, brain fog, no libido, not interested in anyone really.
Have to force myself to be involved with my kids and I feel awful for that. They're late teens and I'm finding they need me more than ever at the minute, it's an effort and I don't like that about myself.
Like a previous poster I have taken up exercise to help my mind. Pump is amazing to get those stresses out.
I find balancing work home and fitness classes difficult. But won't give that up as I know I need that Time.
I too want you lock myself away on a weekend, no desire to people