To ask how perimenopause/menopause has changed/is changing you emotionally

[Kitchendisco21]

This might be a difficult one to pin down but I really feel like perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards- it’s incredibly challenging and I find myself questioning everything in my life- people, jobs, my relationship with DP, what I really want, who I really am. It feels quite shocking at times.

Aibu to ask how perimenopause/ menopause is changing you?

Ok thanks re periods

Has anyone not done HRT? Why if not

I know nothing about this really, also does HRT tend to cause weight gain?

I feel really angry at people who say age is just a number and its all just about attitude and positivity. Like fuck it is.

@MarshaBradyo my excellent GP advised against HRT because of risks. But it does depend on your personal health, medical risks and family history. I have a very strong family history of diabetes and cardiac problems, although I have none of these.

I love this thread, all of a sudden I don't feel so mad and lonely.

Twoweekcruise
In related to your post
I am 49 and feel so sad at how I feel physically and mentally
The digestive issues are awful at the moment as well as exhaustion

It is a lonely time 😢

www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/097-trying-to-right-20-years-of-misinformation-and-hysteria-about-hrt-professor-rob-langer-and-dr-louise-newson/

I listened to this podcast today with Dr Louise Newson and Professor Rob Langer who was involved in the original study that incorrectly misrepresented the risks of breast cancer. He explains very clearly how that happened - it really helped me understand how that saga started and what I can say to my GP who cited breast cancer risks as a reason to refuse me HRT.

I see HRT being pushed more than held back.
I think it depends on your own medical history.
I am also aware that a friend who was on HRT for years just had all the symptoms flooding back as soon as she came off it.

A random symptom I saw mentioned on Twitter - itchy ears! My god my inner ears itch like bugger, I know you’re not supposed to but the only thing that relieves it is a good ferret about with a cotton bud

I'm 46. I get the rage, over everything and anything. I can't be arsed with anything and I can't summon any motivation, I was a pretty regular gym goer but I've barely done any workouts recently, I feel sluggish. I'm awake at 4/5am nearly every bastard day and can't get back to sleep, l get up and chain smoke whilst seething at myself because I quit over a year ago and I don't know why I've bloody started it up again!

I am 65. Periods stopped 6 years ago.

"- still tired all the time

• have zero libido
• angry beyond belief with everything, everyone and life
• questioning all my relationships and sometimes going quietly mad
• insommia
• achy body
• craving carbs and piling on weight"

This quote from Pheasant..sorry dont know how to highlight... says it all.. Almost... Lose words... cant finish sentences.... lose the subject.... Absolutely no motivation... can sit for hours doing nothing... loads of stuff on my list.. nothing gets done...really dont give a shit... then get so angry with myself. Finding it really difficult to engage with people.. just cant be bothered... I have never had HRT or anything ... too late now??? I dont know if its even worth going to see gp.... they are all about 12 anyway!!

Well this thread has been an eye opener.

I'm only 38

I've been putting a lot of what I've been feeling down to covid. I worked for the NHS (have since left due to covid) and have without a doubt some residual PTSD over everything within that time.

But I've left, have a fantastic new job which I adore but I'm just not me at all.
For me - I'm still following my cycle as it were and I can chart where I am by my moods. But instead of pre PMT lasting a couple of days I feel the most intense PMT rage for about a week. I'm honestly horrible to live with. The anger I feel over little things is ridiculous.
I then swing into my "hopeless" part which lasts about a 5 days. Where I just cry a lot.
Then straight into crippling anxiety.
I can't tolerate most people anymore, I can't even pass the time of day with my neighbours ( I've never liked them) but I can't even pretend. I don't say hello or smile like before. I just seem indifferent to a lot of people and stuff.
I've aged from my constant frowning. I really have.
My periods are horribly heavy and still like clockwork.

I have one good week out of the entire month. I would say day 8 to about day 13. I feel motivated, not as hideously unattractive, more upbeat and then the shit part of the cycle returns.

I wouldn't care less if I never had sex again either which bothers me as I'm still young really.
Oh and I'm fatter than I've ever been.

Might have a chat with the GP as if it's not peri then somethings definitely amiss.

I’m 41 and not quite there yet, I haven’t read it all, but this thread is scaring me! Does anyone get through menopause relatively unscathed? Does anyone NOT get affected emotionally?

Wow!

Yes some women have very easy menopause. Ask your mum what hers was like. You tend to have the same.

@CaveMum I actually keep cotton buds in my car as my ears are ALWAYS itchy lately. They drive me insane.

@CaveMum

A random symptom I saw mentioned on Twitter - itchy ears! My god my inner ears itch like bugger, I know you’re not supposed to but the only thing that relieves it is a good ferret about with a cotton bud

Anyone with itchy eyes?

I no longer suffer fools gladly, and have no trouble in telling them so.

I have itchy ears, had no idea it was menopause related.

Extremely bad moods, forgetfulness (even basic words), heavy and unpredictable periods, chronic insomnia, anxiety and feeling like I’m viewing the world from behind a frosted glass window ie extremely detached from everyone and everything.

Mirena and hrt have sorted a fair bit of it out. Hrt and started sleeping more than 2 hours a night after just 3 or 4 days was the most unexpected bonus (along with vivid dreams).

@MarshaBradyo

Ok thanks re periods

Has anyone not done HRT? Why if not

I know nothing about this really, also does HRT tend to cause weight gain?

I was in HRT but 2 consultants (gynae and breast) advised me to come off it and my GP wouldn’t prescribe it as a result. I had two quite scary episodes where the risks became quite real, so I now take ADs and supplements. Not as good as HRT I know, but it feels right for me.

Google Dr Louise HRT.

I started it recently and already feel better. The cursed night sweats have gone, my sleep is better and concentration has improved a bit.
I wake up feeling lighter in myself.

@Ilikewinter

Is this whats happening to me??......possibly last 6 months just totally hacked off with people, usually im very tolerant but thats vanished, i speak my mind more, definately say 'no'. Ive got a 6 month old puppy who is causing me an enormous amount of stress, but DH thinks puppy is great. I cant seem to make a decision and stick to it, am forgetting things at work. Im actually fed up of myself.

Brain fog ! - that was my biggest problem

I've been struggling with terrible anxiety for 7 years, which I suspect is perimenopause. I've been seeing a psychologist for nearly all of that time and am grudually figuring out that the anxiety is my body telling me that it's time to stop being a doormat and assert myself. I also figured out that almost my whole family (including me) are a bit ASD and that in asserting myself, I need to take account of cognitive differences, and that's quite challenging.

I also figured out that I have a huge need to learn more music. I didn't do that when I was younger because - I'm sorry to say - I was total crap at it, with basically no sense of timing at all.

I'm making a lot more space for that learning in my life now, and it is very nice. It turns out that as an adult learner it's okay to work hard at learning something I'm total crap at, because I can explain to people why it matters. also dh is very supportive about these things, and has a terrible need to learn the piano too, so we have an agreement.

I get a lot of gut trouble, and trouble with chronic hyperventilation and that has been helped by reading quite serious books about both, so that I can communicate really well with specialists on the subject.

I have also learned to do my own nutritional analysis, because I find that having the right diet is really essential. I recently realised that my thyroid was packing up because I'd not got enough iodine, and covid infections had used up the little that I did have.

The symptoms that I get at different times of my cycle have been changing over the years, and now two covid infections and the vaccine have made them very weird and different, and that is really more excitement than I wanted.

The things that I have found helpful are:

• A good psychologist (not just any one, but the right one)
• Understanding my own medical issues in staggering detail
• Explaining to my nearest and dearest that I am changing into a different person, so they can get their heads around that.
• Really good online nutritional analysis programme.
• About 28 million different strategies for calming down anxiety.
• Private medical insurance - so my GP can give me referrals at the drop of a hat. Very helpful.

I dont take HRT. I dont have night sweats, brain fog, or rages. Im fat and fed up and ive been a worrier all my life. I feel my anxiety is worse now im over 50 but i dont know if thats life experience, pandemic effects or just getting older and more aware of my existence.
My bladder is rubbish after a few cups of tea.