AIBU engagement proposal

[Ale24]

AIBU
Please help
I should feel happy but I feel so terrible
My parent of over 5 years proposed to me today, it was awkward and it really felt like he didn’t mean it
He proposed to me with the ring he gave me as my 40th birthday present saying that it is a engagement ring and there is no need to buy new one. I thought it was joke, but it isn’t.
Btw he does have enough money to buy ring.
I feel so worthless and embarrassed 😞
He also didn’t told his friend or family that we engaged.
It’s all feels and looks sad and fake and now I am crying all night
Please tell me if I am wrong 😑

@Ale24

I can see your point, but I would rather him giving me a haribo ring but not taking away my old birthday present that I wear everyday as just a ring. What I did for him is a valid question. I saved his life ( his words and not mine) we been through so much last 5 years. I lost hair due to stress, had cancer but always put him first and supported him, hence he said he would be dead by now without me

Hmm there is something i thought about where you say about always putting him first whilst you were going through some pretty traumatic experiences. Does he ever put you first...or is there always his drama and you have to put him back together again. Is your life all about fixing him? I dated someone like that and it was exhausting, i was so tired from trying to 'fix' him, supporting him that i didn't have time to think of my own needs. I now realise he kept me permanently on edge about his needs as he liked everything to be about him. I'd have a big long think about whether he ever tries to meet your needs, whether he ever makes you feel special. Good luck

Honestly I don’t know :-( should I wait and see if he will rectify it?
I just don’t want to bin “us” but never do I want to feel so low about proposal for the rest of my life … my parents asked me to see the ring and asked me how it happened, but I can’t actually say it I feel like they will think less of him

They'd be justified to think less of him! How are you going to keep dodging this?
He still doesn't see the problem despite your talk - he's not even listening to you, so that excludes any possibility of it being a genuine moment of thoughtlessness.

Ask yourself if this is REALLY how you want to be treated for the rest of your life.

If my DH had suggested using my birthday ring as an engagement ring, I would probably have said "I do love it, but would prefer something else as an engagement ring" and we'd have gone off together to look for a new ring

You saying "No the gesture and delivery isn’t good enough and yes you need to rectify it" doesn't sound great. I'm guessing he doesn't really want to be engaged, you've been asking for a while, you were hoping for a romantic surprise proposal, he's fobbing you off with a ring you already own and no promise of actually getting married

@Ale24

Honestly I don’t know :-( should I wait and see if he will rectify it? I just don’t want to bin “us” but never do I want to feel so low about proposal for the rest of my life … my parents asked me to see the ring and asked me how it happened, but I can’t actually say it I feel like they will think less of him

Well, because they most likely will. This is not what anyone would want their daughter to feel like. Second best. Most people would think this if someone brags about the effort they went to, to make their first wife feel special, then puts no effort in for you.

It would be very different if he portrayed how wrong he felt that he went to that effort, it was all for waste, he doesn't want to do that again, the meaning is everything to him this time. Bit he's not. He's telling you about how much he wanted to marry someone else, and her fabulous ring he made sure she had. Then told you "I'm not announcing our engagement, and just use the birthday ring from four years ago you're wearing"

You're being side tracked by the ring. It's the whole picture of how he thinks this is all you deserve, whilst rubbing in your face what he is capable of doing, has done, and also what is important to you. But he deliberately chooses not too.

So he spent about £100k on his previous wife’s ring and he’s told you this, but now he’s given you nothing?

Do you think he is lying about the ring he gave to his wife before? This makes no sense.

Be honest, OP, is he very strange in general?

How did he get your ring if you nearly always have it on though? Did he wait until you took it off, grabbed it and then proposed in a flash?

Do you think he is lying about the ring he gave to his wife before? This makes no sense.

This was in my thoughts too. What evidence do you actually have of this huge fancy ring, other than his story about it. Does he tell you he's got tens of thousands to spend (on a ring or anything else) right now, or have you got any proof he's actually got the means too. Has he just been leading you up the garden path?

@Lasair

Why are you being sarcastic on Mn? You came for advice got it, used it and now it’s everyone else fault that the thoughtless man who can’t be bothered to give you a ring?

Lasair

Sorry but when I been sarcastic? Said thank you for all your kind replies and also how accurate they there as they picked up on things/ my thoughts I had inside my head, but few ladies picked it up and brought it on the surface. I being thankful not sarcastic!!!