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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be convinced he was cheating on the basis of this?

102 replies

AaalrightyThen · 31/10/2021 12:54

Would the following make you suspicious?

My husband's working hours were such that he would be at home certain times of the week on his own until the kids come home from school. A local woman has a daughter who is friends with mine and whose daughter would be at my house every now and then.

She sent me a couple of texts over a few weeks mentioning she had been at my door while my husband was there and I was at work, with whatever reason (to ask about something happening in the street and something else I can't remember). It got my spidey senses tingling.

One day during my husband's normal days at home, he had to be at work for training. I came home early from work but didn't tell him. Lo and behold, this woman comes to the door. She seems to be acting a bit strangely (nervous chatter) and says she has lost her keys. I asked her if she wanted to come in, and she says no. So I asked her why had she come to the door then?! She realised, I think, that there would be no logical reason for her to come to my door with this strange 'lost keys' excuse if she didn't come in. So she came in, I made her a cup of tea, we chatted, and she leaves once she knows her daughter (with key) is on her way home.

On her way out the door she says something like 'oh is this not one of days at home?' I say oh not today. And off she goes.

To me, this woman was coming to the door expecting him to be in alone. Can't be many reasons why except the obvious, to my mind. Husband denies this strongly and can't think of any reason why this woman would have come to the door.

AIBU to think he had been having an affair with her while he had the house to himself?

OP posts:
2typesofjungle · 31/10/2021 12:56

I don't think that alone is enough, but it does seem odd....

SW1amp · 31/10/2021 12:59

I wouldn’t automatically assume he has been cheating but I would assume she was up to no good hoping to catch him alone at home
But it’s whether or not he is in on it also that isn’t clear

Time for a Ring doorbell..?

Riverlee · 31/10/2021 13:02

I think jumping to a full-fledged affair may be a bit of a stretch, but it does seem a bit odd.

Why would she message you to say she had called around but only dh was home, unless she felt a bit awkward being there without you?

I’m wondering whether this woman has a crush on your husband, rather than the other way around. Her actions seem a bit stalker-ish.

Is there any evidence your husband has let her in the house, or talked to her?

Something is defiantly not quite right, but your husband may be an innocent party.

SlugRose · 31/10/2021 13:02

I wouldn't leave to cheating. It could be a one sided crush.

AaalrightyThen · 31/10/2021 13:04

I think maybe she sent the previous messages to give a reason for being seen at my house (small street, small town, lots of people know each other)

OP posts:
Tittyfilarious81 · 31/10/2021 13:06

It sounds like she's got a crush on him and is trying her luck

AaalrightyThen · 31/10/2021 13:08

When I asked my husband about it he did a sort of rabbit in the headlights thing which made me feel even more suspicious to be honest.
Like he was trying to think of what to say.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 31/10/2021 13:08

YABU I definitely wouldn’t think he’s cheating but it does sound like she is trying to catch him alone.

It may be because she wants to be in a relationship and steal him off you or it could just be that she likes his company and wants to have him as a friend only.

I personally wouldn’t think on it too much. I’m sure he’ll soon get fed up of her knocking on the door every 5 mins.

WonderfulYou · 31/10/2021 13:10

I wonder if she thinks he can’t manage when you’re gone so the messages were letting you know she’s checked on him and he’s still alive lol.

Cuntness · 31/10/2021 13:13

It it was an affair, surely he'd have told her he wasn't going to be there that particular day.

EmotionalSupportBear · 31/10/2021 13:14

i wouldn't jump to thinking my DH was dishonest, i would question her motives strongly though, and having a conversation with him about it because she is definitely up to something.

AaalrightyThen · 31/10/2021 13:17

@Cuntness

It it was an affair, surely he'd have told her he wasn't going to be there that particular day.
That's what he said
OP posts:
Vulpius · 31/10/2021 13:18

She sounds troublesome, and I imagine she has a crush on your husband.

If it were an affair, she'd surely know that he wouldn't be at home on that day.

Anordinarymum · 31/10/2021 13:18

OP If this were me and my bloke and he had a woman come knocking on the door during the day when he was working asking daft questions he would have told me about it. No question about that.
I wonder why your husband has not ever mentioned her if she has been seen going to yours by other people?
Strange

Vulpius · 31/10/2021 13:18

Crossed with you, OP!

JudgementalCactus · 31/10/2021 13:18

Time to go through his phone

Delatron · 31/10/2021 13:18

Sounds like it’s all her to be honest. If it was full blown affair she’d just pop over when he was definitely in. As they’d have arranged it?

Sounds like she keeps coming up with random reasons to see him.

He should be aware and not engage with her really. Tell her he is busy working, no time to chat etc.

AaalrightyThen · 31/10/2021 13:19

@JudgementalCactus

Time to go through his phone
I did - he let me
OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 31/10/2021 13:22

Has dh behaviour changed recently?

Charlene1971 · 31/10/2021 13:25

@AaalrightyThen

You seen nothing in his phone, I assume?

VampireVicki · 31/10/2021 13:26

It sounds like she has a crush on him.

If he doesn't have form and there's nothing else to make you suspicious, I would treat it as a bit of a joke, but make it clear that if she comes near him again you will cut her - Only joking!

Is she married?

AaalrightyThen · 31/10/2021 13:28

@Bananarama21

Has dh behaviour changed recently?
This was a little while ago and I have been stewing on it and haven't spoken to anyone but him about it. Possibly a drip feed to end all drip feeds but I found viagra in his sock drawer too, which he hadn't told me about Could be coincidental - and I know why he would want to keep that a secret. He had been having a bit of trouble in that department but nothing that bad I thought. Could still manage to do the deed and all that but not as hard as he would like/ used to be. Got me thinking he was trying to be more 'impressive' for someone else?
OP posts:
MyMabel · 31/10/2021 13:29

Amazon’s blink cameras are about £25 and alert and record any movement for up to 30 seconds, with sound.

It’s slightly unethical to install a camera without his knowledge though, so tell him you’re installing it; but install two - if he only knows about one then he only knows to avoid or turn off the one when needed, leaving the other rolling.

Leftphalange · 31/10/2021 13:29

I wouldn't jump to an affair. It sounds like she has a crush and is looking for excuse to see him

KarmaStar · 31/10/2021 13:32

Perhaps she's interested in him and he enjoys the attention?
I would not leap to the having sex whilst you're out though.
Do you trust him?