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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don’t want to be her friend

109 replies

MiniPumpkin · 31/10/2021 09:30

Ok here goes … so I met a whole group of people when I had my 1st dc. A lady called Annie let’s say was part of a very large group of about 30 of us. I have nothing in common with Annie other than being a mother but she tells me I’m ‘her kind of person’. I did accept her friend request at the time on Facebook which is fine but she has literally been asking me for about 3 years on and off do I want to go for a soft play date. I don’t. I tell her I’m busy and so on as I just don’t have the heart to say sorry I don’t want to. The reason is I just don’t want to, we have nothing in common and ok I get that soft play dates are for the kids, not mums.. but her boy is a real handful.. she posts on social media every other day videos of her boy (he’s 3) of him effing and blinding and she just laughs at him. I get that kids will pick up swear words from places, ok it might even be me sometimes but I don’t want to intentionally have my dc learn it from him.
I bumped into Annie last week she asks me again re soft play date, I’m literally going through every day of the week saying we are busy that day and so on. Also mentioned we are busy on Sunday as dc got a place at the rugby group.. her face lights up because her boy goes to it too. Oh Jesus .. queue her now sitting next to me wanting to be my best mate.. I just don’t want to further encourage this but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
Yanbu. You don’t have to spend time with people you don’t want to.
Yabu. Your a witch 🤣

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 31/10/2021 09:36

Yanbu to not want to be friends but you’re going to have to start being clearer with her or this will never end!

takenforgrantednana · 31/10/2021 09:37

just tell her straight, that you dont want your child to pick up on bad behaviour/language, and from what youve seen her son uses that, so to kindly keep away from you or your family in future and unfreind her but not straight away as you wont be able to see if she makes comments about you

Original poster

MiniPumpkin · 31/10/2021 09:53

I had been planning on unfriending her on social media, but when I bumped into her and we realised the kids will be going to same rugby group I am now thinking that could be incredibly awkward. We have ‘friends’ in common from the larger group and I see some of them, so I’m thinking if they tag us in a pic Annie will see it. What a way to live life worrying about social media 🤣🤣 just this weekend we got tagged in a kids party pic and she messaged me straight away asking who’s party it was. I haven’t replied.

OP posts:

YogaLovingMum · 31/10/2021 09:54

Well, I somewhat agree with previous poster but perhaps not as extreme. I would tell her that you found the post regarding swearing and her reaction to it concerning as it is not the type of behaviour you wish you child to pick up nor encourage and for that reason, you’re not interested in play dates, but thank you for the invitation.

At rugby, get yourself a big umbrella and bring along a flask of coffee so you can use both as props to keep her away from you. If you know other people there, align yourself with them. But do speak with her first about the play date thing as it would be more likely she’ll leave you alone thereafter.

TrickOrTreat21x · 31/10/2021 09:57

I would just be honest and say the swearing post has put you off wanting to meet up.

Clearly saying your busy hasn't stopped her asking, so you have little choice left.
YANBU though I wouldn't want to mix with a child and a parent who thinks it's funny that a 3 year old swears.

Rainbowshine · 31/10/2021 09:57

Just change your social media settings to be more private and give permission before tagging in photos. Make Annie an acquaintance not a friend on Fakebook. Learn to answer more concisely when saying no without giving lots of information about your family activities.

Chamomileteaplease · 31/10/2021 10:01

How old is your child doing rugby?

TheWayTheLightFalls · 31/10/2021 10:03

“No thanks, weekends are family time.”

Don’t criticise her parenting, it won’t work.

takenforgrantednana · 31/10/2021 10:04

@MiniPumpkin

dont worry about your other mate tagging yo in anything, once you have waited a while just incase she bad mouths you then if you block her, she wont even get informed of the tag

Original poster

MiniPumpkin · 31/10/2021 10:27

Thanks for all the advice. The social media thing is a pain, I also wasn’t even tagged in something and she spotted us in it, you can’t win, I think she feels annoyed as she isn’t invited 🥴.
I like the idea of saying weekends are family time.
Dc is 3.5 x

OP posts:

IAAP · 31/10/2021 10:32

Just say your child is busy during the week and the weekends are family time put her on a limited audience and then unfollow her job done

Thehop · 31/10/2021 10:34

“Oh Annie I’m sorry, I was hoping not to have to say this…..but I don’t want to meet up. I think Johnny is really cute and I’ve laughed at the videos you share but my Sam is copying everything at the moment and I really don’t want him to copy the swear words. “

TheGirlCat · 31/10/2021 10:35

If she posts the videos of facebook I would react with an 'angry' or 'shocked' face and post in the comments "I would nip that in the bud if I were you." So you've basically said (without actually saying to her) that you don't approve of her son's behaviour/her parenting, so if you keep saying no to meet up, she will know why without you explaining it.

FetchezLaVache · 31/10/2021 10:35

just this weekend we got tagged in a kids party pic and she messaged me straight away asking who’s party it was. I haven’t replied

That's just weird. I think your response was correct.

Peanutmnm · 31/10/2021 10:36

Is she really not worthy of your friendship? I feel a bit sorry for her but she really should take the hint. If I'm honest it sounds like she can live without you as a friend.

TheGirlCat · 31/10/2021 10:36

posts the videos on facebook that should be, not of.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 31/10/2021 10:37

If you want to stop her asking, tell her the truth.
She'll never speak to you again. Job done.

JustDanceAddict · 31/10/2021 10:38

Years ago I walked back with a mum from a group thing when DD was really young. I was always up for making new mum friends so made an overture of friendship and she said ‘thanks, but I don’t need any more friends.’ I was gobsmacked but it ensured I never spoke to her again!!
It was about 18 years ago so my memory is hazy, but I generally found either mums we’re friendly or you got the ‘I’m busy’ vibe. This was before social media though.

EllaPaella · 31/10/2021 10:41

She's very persistent.
If she doesn't get the hint after you unfriend her on social media and never respond to her text messages then just tell her the truth. You have enough friends already, you don't think the two of you have much in common and you don't want your son copying her son's language which isn't cute or funny.

GreenClock · 31/10/2021 10:41

Awkward! Why has she attached herself to you as opposed to one of the other 30?

Peanutmnm · 31/10/2021 10:42

I couldn't imagine not being friendly to someone. Ok so she is overstepping a bit. But some people don't have brilliant social skills. You never know when someone is really in need of a bit of kindness and interaction. Especially us mums. But OP you're in this situation so can read her personality and intentions best. Just try to make sure she is a thick skinned CF before taking her down.

Notimeforaname · 31/10/2021 10:43

Ah I feel for you op. Slightly similar thing is happening with me except we have no kids and just started working at the same place.

We're on opposite shifts,so rarely get to see each other but recently had a staff day , since then she's been overly laughing at my jokes .. loudly complimenting me and constantly asking for a coffee morning before I start work.

I have no time for more friends.
I dont want more friends.
I feel kind of bad because she openly tells me and others she's suffered badly with depression.

Like you op..I keep coming up with excuses but I'm just going to have to suck it up and be clear with her. Just trying to figure out how !😫 best of luck!

Etinoxaurus · 31/10/2021 10:45

@takenforgrantednana

Dreadful advice. Only follow if you want drama 🎭 🦙

godmum56 · 31/10/2021 10:47

@IAAP

Just say your child is busy during the week and the weekends are family time put her on a limited audience and then unfollow her job done

this

Original poster

MiniPumpkin · 31/10/2021 10:52

I just don’t know why she has been so persistent with me rather than others, maybe I’ve just not been clear enough with her because I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I think after about 3 years I’d get the message if someone didn’t agree to meet ups. I suppose it’s because I feel a lot of mum groups can be very bitchy. Think I’d be upset if someone straight up said to me they didn’t want to be friends.
A lot of the girls have the same view as me, some say Annie completely blanks them.. perhaps should just take their advice 🤣

OP posts:

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