I don’t want to be her friend

[MiniPumpkin]

Ok here goes … so I met a whole group of people when I had my 1st dc. A lady called Annie let’s say was part of a very large group of about 30 of us. I have nothing in common with Annie other than being a mother but she tells me I’m ‘her kind of person’. I did accept her friend request at the time on Facebook which is fine but she has literally been asking me for about 3 years on and off do I want to go for a soft play date. I don’t. I tell her I’m busy and so on as I just don’t have the heart to say sorry I don’t want to. The reason is I just don’t want to, we have nothing in common and ok I get that soft play dates are for the kids, not mums.. but her boy is a real handful.. she posts on social media every other day videos of her boy (he’s 3) of him effing and blinding and she just laughs at him. I get that kids will pick up swear words from places, ok it might even be me sometimes but I don’t want to intentionally have my dc learn it from him.
I bumped into Annie last week she asks me again re soft play date, I’m literally going through every day of the week saying we are busy that day and so on. Also mentioned we are busy on Sunday as dc got a place at the rugby group.. her face lights up because her boy goes to it too. Oh Jesus .. queue her now sitting next to me wanting to be my best mate.. I just don’t want to further encourage this but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
Yanbu. You don’t have to spend time with people you don’t want to.
Yabu. Your a witch 🤣

I guess an alternative option is to say "that's kind but No thanks, we don't have enough time - too much to fit in already!" Or "I'd rather not add anything else in to our weeks"

@takenforgrantednana

just tell her straight, that you dont want your child to pick up on bad behaviour/language, and from what youve seen her son uses that, so to kindly keep away from you or your family in future and unfreind her but not straight away as you wont be able to see if she makes comments about you

Seriously you'd really say that to someone?

You need to be blunt. Its obvious that you don't want to meet, any normal person would have taken the hint by now, but she obviously doesn't care and continues to ask and ask. So you need to be as bold and say no! The excuse about the kid swearing is a good excuse.

I'm told I'm thick skinned but even I can't imagine chasing someone for 3 years, trying to persuade them we should be mates.

@MiniPumpkin

Wasn’t meant to come across as smug, it is a genuine attempt to get some helpful advice as this had been an ongoing issue.

I think this women is showing " red flags" in her behaviour which you have picked up on and you really need to assert some boundaries here. The old "be kind" doesnt take into account these type of peope who for whatever reason ( the FB swearing!) you dont wish to be friends with. Put the, is this friendship likely to be good for me test into play the way you would if it was a romantic relationship and the answer will be no. She isnt respecting your boundaries and has been pushing for 3 years! So listen to your instincts and close this down. Block her texts and stop her from viewing your FB,block her on messenger. Get up and sit elsewhere at Rugby and tell her to leave you alone. Time to rip the plaster off.

Yabu for not being clear and honest with her. You're a grown up woman, you really don't need mumsnet to tell you this, do you?

Your child doesn't like soft play and won't go.
Unfollow her and put her on restricted list on FB so she can't see your posts but you're still friends.

[quote NataliaSerene]@Dguu6u

Etiquette says the only polite way to decline an invitation is to say that you have other obligations or a prior commitment.

It’s not immature, it’s polite and kind and part of at least a century of social norms.[/quote]
Exactly!

Anything else smacks of rudeness.

OP,

I wouldn't criticise her parenting.

But someone continuing to text me about meeting up would have been blocked or I simply would have ceased to reply.

I think if forced to explain tell her you are busyband just don't have time to meet up.

If she plain refuses to accept this and starts to argue the point, tell her you have to go and leave.

I think she sounds very pushy.

Just because someone wants to be friends with you doesn't mean you don't get a choice.