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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude/tactless things people have said.

202 replies

Belledan1 · 31/10/2021 09:27

I know we all love a CF thread. Chatting to a fellow commuter waiting for the bus to go to work. Not seen each other since beginning lockdown. Dont even know name. I mentioned I liked her hair totally different to before and I said was having mine coloured/cut in 3 weeks, planned it so done for a night out so holding out. She said to me, I wldnt wait that long looks like needs a really good cut, it's very dry. It probably does but you wldnt say that to a person you hardly know. I have very fine menopausal hair and conscious of it anyway.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 31/10/2021 18:48

@Tara336 OMG yes. The worst was someone I don't know bursting in to tears when I told her. HmmAngry

MrSnowmansCarrotStickNose · 31/10/2021 18:49

I recently lost my dad. A friend sent me a text passing on her condolences. I thanked her and she replied saying she didn't know how she would cope without hers. I didn't respond, I didn't know what to say. I was always a daddy's girl as a child. She's a lovely girl and wouldn't have meant it the way it came across but just wasn't what I wanted to hear the day I had lost him.

BackBackBack · 31/10/2021 19:20

@CarrieMoonbeams Flowers I am so glad to hear that you and your DH have had a lovely life

LifeIsTricky · 31/10/2021 21:22

I was involved in a hit and run by a drunk driver, it left me disabled. I.E needing a wheelchair. My "friend" came to visit me in hospital whilst I was still recovering and said "I don't know how you'll manage this, it's awful, we will never be able to go out again, if you need me to bring you in some pills just let me know, I know you'd do it for me." She was being deadly serious that me offing myself would be a better outcome to going out on the town with me in my wheelchair..

Fundays12 · 31/10/2021 21:47

@ssd

Another woman at work told me how I'd never go bridal shopping with my daughter or be mother of the bride. Its strange how bitchy some people are.
I have 3 boys and get stupid comments like this. I hate shopping so normally respond with something along the lines of "thank goodness" I hate shopping.
tillytoodles1 · 31/10/2021 21:57

I was chatting to a woman at work about being 40 the next day. Ooh she said, a woman i knew went to bed and died from a heart attack the night before her 40th birthday. I didnt sleep much that night.

Notdoingthis · 31/10/2021 22:40

When I was 24 I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years just before Christmas. My parents were away so I went to see my pregnant sister. We went out for a meal with her friends and I made a comment which was misunderstood. One of her friends said 'Oh are you pregnant too?'
My sister said 'chance would be a fine thing, she's single!'.
I had been single for a week, after a long relationship. I could well have been pregnant!

StrangerYears · 31/10/2021 23:02

I struggled to get pregnant and went through IVF. My boss did not know and he said he was glad I was a career woman- having his 6 kids was hard.
Other people knew we wanted kids (but not the IVF bit) said 'just relax and it will happen.

I told only one friend, who then constantly told me of people who lost their baby at 12 weeks/20 weeks/38 weeks. Just what I needed.
But despite such shit I had the IVF baby successfully.

Redarrow2017 · 31/10/2021 23:22

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

JamieFrasersBigSwingingKilt · 31/10/2021 23:57

My SIL asked me how I could abandon my baby and put him in nursery at only 5 months old. Yet just one of her many passive aggressive/rude things she says to me when my brother's not around. And she wonders why I don't want to hang out with her.

TheOriginalMrsMoss · 01/11/2021 00:16

[quote Mossstitch]@ssd I have 3 boys, the number of people who think it's OK to make comments after delivery along the lines of 'poor you' or 'shame you've not got a girl this time' is unbelievable! I was more than happy with my brood of boys, didn't even want a wedding dress myself never mind shop for them for daughters & will be extremely happy never to be mother of the bride as I couldn't wear my jeans😂[/quote]
I hear you. I have 4 sons, all lovely.

Soon after my youngest was born I went up to school for the first time with him to collect my older ones. A few people came over to see DS4 and chat. I am biased but he was a beautiful newborn and look so lovely in his new snowsuit and pram. A woman rushed over, leaned into the pram and said "Oh no! Not another boy!".

Bitch. I still can't forgive her for being deliberately horrible and I am sure she hoped it would upset me in some way. She used to make a beeline for me and loudly go on about how sad it was that I couldn't have a daughter.

Wingedharpy · 01/11/2021 00:20

I have a friend who, in response to an insulting, personal remark about something or other said to the offender,
"Well thanks for sharing that with me. I've noticed that you don't let my feelings get in the way of what wants to come out of your mouth"!
She's a smart woman.

SkiingIsHeaven · 01/11/2021 00:42

I was walking the dog in the woods when a woman stopped me and said it was sweet that I had cut my hair like my dogs.

He is a big brown scruffy looking thing.

I couldn't stop laughing and had to ring my husband to tell him because I couldn't wait until I got home to tell him.

hannsmum · 01/11/2021 01:07

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Oh so many as a bereaved parent.

One woman after my daughter died (she worked with my exdh) said "you were so lucky to have had her for 2 weeks, I won't even get that..." and started on about her infertility, literally days after dd died.

Another woman I vaguely know with a dd the same age as mine would have been stopped me in the street and said "every time I think of you I hug my dd a little bit tighter" and then proceeded to hug her dd in front of me.

After my son died my own mother (now nc) said "its ok for you, you're getting all the cards and attention because you're his mum, what do I get" Confused

She also said "On the plus side we don't have to buy X wash powder anymore" (ds got a rash with most of them)

She also told me I was embarrassing for seeing my friends when I was grieving and I should be at home 24/7. She also told me that I had "fucked up the only good thing I ever did in my life" and she would never forgive me for his death (he died of a medical condition).

My now exdh after our dd died said "she died because you're such a bitch, must be karma because who has 2 kids die on them"

And so many more.

Another time a random woman at the school said she loved my (long) hair I thanked her and she said "I just love my kids too much to have long hair" and then went on to explain the time I took with my hair would be better spent with my kids. I was so gobsmacked I didn't say a word, but she had very short bright red dyed hair, she must get her hair cut every couple of months and dyed every 6 weeks, I spend 10 seconds running a brush through mine, and haven't had it cut in a decade 😂

💐💐💐
Lucythewonderdog · 01/11/2021 01:11

[quote Toddlerteaplease]@Tara336 OMG yes. The worst was someone I don't know bursting in to tears when I told her. HmmAngry[/quote]
I had a (now ex) friend tell me she would have killed herself if she had been diagnosed with it when I was.

14 years on, I’m healthy AF.

anyone with ms is welcome to pm me, as long as you don’t bleat about being “spoonies” 😂😂😂

MiniPumpkin · 01/11/2021 01:30

When I was pregnant with dc1 a female colleague was always a bit funny with me , you know that overly nice smiley way and always calling me love and darling. Anyway she very loudly Says ‘yes you can tell your pregnant now Your nose has spread across your face’ 🤣 I just laughed out loud as I couldn’t believe it. She had a still born baby in the past and my gut told me they were trying for a baby again. That and other things she said reeked of jealously, I never said anything to her as I actually felt sorry for her. She fell pregnant not long after my dc arrived, I just knew my instincts were right.

penmanship · 01/11/2021 01:56

Standing with a friend and his wife watching our DCs play together, all kids aged around 2 years.

Friend, in a voice of disgust, says, "Eugh, [my DD's name] is just so stocky."

His DW told him not to say things like that, so he got angry and snapped, "Well, it's TRUE!"

I really regret not saying something. However, I think they got the message when I cut them off (that was the last incident in a long line of very shitty behaviour from "friend").

Its947 · 01/11/2021 02:14

Friend asked how I dealt with having no children (infertility on husbands side) as she’d like some tips on ‘coping’ as she was trying for a second and it was taking a while. She then said she had been discussing it with another friend and they both thought I was the best person to ask for advice.

Ophanim · 01/11/2021 02:17

I was out drinking with a family friend I’d known since childhood. We were in a bit of a dive bar where he was known. Two women we’re looking at us and once said “Is that his wife?” and the second replied “No, his wife’s much prettier than HER”

Tinkerscuss · 01/11/2021 02:22

I bought a pregnancy test in the supermarket.

As I walked away from the checkout, the cashier shouted out "Good luck with the pregnancy test!".

Not a personal attack but totally inappropriate.

I should have complained, really.

BaronessKareness · 01/11/2021 02:23

A local neighbour rang me up to offer condolences after my brother had died and to say how awful it was as he was so young.
She then informed me that she wouldn’t be coming to his funeral as “he had brought shame upon the whole family”…. My lovely brother had committed suicide aged 44.
It’s 22 years ago this month, but I will never forget what she said.
I am aghast at some of the appalling things said to PPs after the loss of their babies and children. Seriously, what is the matter with people?

Belledan1 · 01/11/2021 03:55

Omg some people need to think before talking x hugs

OP posts:
Beebeby · 01/11/2021 04:15

I was outside having a cigarette with my petite best friend when an old man told us that my face on her body would be the perfect women. He basically said I was pretty but fat and that my friend had a nice figure but wasn’t pretty enough for him. I laughed and said just as well we don’t like old gits. But we were both angry and hurt at his so called compliment.

efc1878 · 01/11/2021 04:20

My mil said I must be happy my dog died because now my house is much cleaner

bonnyrascal · 01/11/2021 04:28

My MIL has enjoyed telling me on more than one occasion not to worry about my weight gain during pregnancy as she lost 3 stone within 6 weeks of having her children without even trying 🤨