Rude/tactless things people have said.

[Belledan1]

I know we all love a CF thread. Chatting to a fellow commuter waiting for the bus to go to work. Not seen each other since beginning lockdown. Dont even know name. I mentioned I liked her hair totally different to before and I said was having mine coloured/cut in 3 weeks, planned it so done for a night out so holding out. She said to me, I wldnt wait that long looks like needs a really good cut, it's very dry. It probably does but you wldnt say that to a person you hardly know. I have very fine menopausal hair and conscious of it anyway.

I've always been on the chubby side, and when DD was born, I lost a bit of weight so was able to zip my rain coat up around her when I carried her in a front baby carrier (not really a sling). Face uncovered, etc, it just stopped her getting wet.

Was walking around the Eden Project on a wet day when a woman came up to me and said "Oh, you have a baby, I just thought you were fat".

I was 19 and dressed all in black waiting at a buss stop, a lady I vaguely knew said to "cheer up it might never happen"
I was Catching the bus to my dads house to leave for his funeral
I took great delight in telling her where I was going and watching her face fall! It cheered me up and I knew my dad would have laughed.

When dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer last year, a (now ex), friend piped up...."well at least you won't have lost both your parents to Covid" (my mum had died of it 6 months earlier).

A mum friend i had when the kids were wee told me years later how she didn't know how id managed bringing up a family in such a small house. And she told me how every woman wants a daughter. I have 2 boys.

Another woman at work told me how I'd never go bridal shopping with my daughter or be mother of the bride.
Its strange how bitchy some people are.

Heavily pregnant in Tesco
Lady asked me where my wedding ring was, I said my fingers were swollen. She replied that people would get the wrong idea about me if I wasn’t wearing one.

At her daughter's christening, SIL put the baby into my arms and I was holding her. It was lovely, baby was gorgeous. SIL then immediately took her back, saying loudly to all 'Oh, no wonder you don't know how to hold a baby properly, you've never had one!' I suffered with endometriosis and couldn't have babies. I was so wounded but couldn't say anything in reply as this would have spoilt the day.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

I am so glad for you that you are NC with your awful mother xx

@catscatscurrantscurrants OMG that sounds so ... calculated.

I'm sorry for SiL's fuckwittery, & your troubles

@ssd I have 3 boys, the number of people who think it's OK to make comments after delivery along the lines of 'poor you' or 'shame you've not got a girl this time' is unbelievable! I was more than happy with my brood of boys, didn't even want a wedding dress myself never mind shop for them for daughters & will be extremely happy never to be mother of the bride as I couldn't wear my jeans😂

A male colleague I'd never met before told me (upon finding out it was my 1st day back after my 2nd maternity leave), that our company needs to employ more men to "stop the problem of you ladies swanning off on mat leave all the time!!"

I also had the "as long as they're not ginger" comment mentioned by a PP, when pregnant with my 1st. Both my kids are ginger 🤣

Some of these are outrageous!!!

for the hurt that has been caused to PPs by such thoughtless and rude people, some of these are unforgiveable.

Mine wasn't as bad, but it did sting at the time. I was 19 and in a nightclub with friends, when a young man approached me and said:

"Hi, can I buy you a drink?"
I said "No, but thanks for the offer."
He replied "Go on - I think you're gorgeous!"
Me "Ahhh, thank you, that's kind but I'm honestly fine for a drink and I'm with my friends tonight. Have a good night"
Him "No, seriously - I find you really attractive - I really like fat girls!"
Me ""

As a result of my horrible childhood, I had decided when I was still very young myself that I'd never have DC as I was terrified that I might repeat the pattern of abuse.

I met DH when we were teenagers, and told him that very early on. He was fine with that.

However, when I was 30, we spoke about it at length, and decided that we might just TTC. I got pregnant straight away and we were absolutely thrilled.

I lost my baby at 15 weeks.

My SIL said "well, there's no point in crying about it, it's not like it was an actual baby yet" and my mum said "probably just as well. You'd have been a rubbish mum anyway!" Well yeah, with a role model like her and my dad, I might well have been.

DH and I never tried again. Scans weren't so advanced in those days so I don't know this, but I think it was a boy and in my heart I call him Ben. I still whisper happy birthday Ben on his due date, 11 January. He'd be 27 now.

to all of us who've had to deal with horrible comments. I wish people would just think before they open their gob - they just merrily go on with their day, leaving hurt people behind them.

On my first day back from mat leave, having left my very clingy ds sobbing at the childminder, a colleague brightly exclaimed 'oh so you've palmed him off have you?'. Two other colleagues completely ignored the fact that I was back after 13 months, then made a massive fuss welcoming back another colleague who'd had 2 weeks off for surgery. Nice team to work in!

“I’ll forget you like I forgot your mother” - My dad when I was 11 after an argument.

A few I still remember:

'I thought your glasses were wonky but it's your face' - colleague at work

On announcing I was pregnant with DS, FIL's wife said 'That's a surprise. I thought you'd be barren at your age'. I was 35.

At a team building event the scenario was stranded on a desert island with various items. We were asked what we'd do first. Boss said 'shoot iklboo because there'd be loads to eat'. I was a size 14.

Some of these comment go way beyond thoughtless. I can’t believe some of the things people said to a bereaved mother!

I remember a friend of my aunt’s, who I’d never clapped eyes on before, saying to me at a family party ‘You’ll never keep your figure if you carry on eating like that.’ I think she probably thought it was a compliment to say I had a nice figure, but I’m not sure implying I was a massive pig was the way to do it

Although perhaps she had a point, as I ran into someone I vaguely knew just after lockdown and he blurted out ‘You’ve put on WEIGHT!’ in a ‘Yikes!’ kind of way. I knew lockdown hadn’t been kind to my body, but I hadn’t realised it was that bad. I said ‘Oh, cheers! And you look really fucking old!’

Not the wittiest comeback of my life, but what it lacked in cleverness it made up for in vitriol…

I'm shocked at the amount of people who think pregnant women are fair game!

Was a a family party. Distant relative looked me up and down and told me that I would never be as pretty as my mum.

About 20 years ago a patient on my ward said, 'nurse, you've got lovely skin' and touched my face. Followed by 'always the same with fat lasses, lovely smooth skin'

A work colleague discussed some concerns with me about her child’s development and for a good 5/10 minutes worried out loud that he would have special needs and how she couldn’t cope with that as he’s ‘so perfect’ and she’d hate to have a child that ‘wasn’t normal’ etc etc
She either forgot or was completely insensitive to me having my own dc with significant needs. We were quite good friends before that but I barely talk to her now. I wonder if she ever wonders why.

When I was pregnant with DS, a co-worker replied back to me saying "Do you know who the father is?" Excuse me?

Well yes, we've been together for 10 years, but that's not the point. I was speechless. You just don't say things like that surely

Also when my DM passed away, my dad came up to visit me the next day. Me, obviously distraught and just on a different planet, with everything going on, looked me up and down, mainly my stomach. And the first thing he said was, "you've put on weight..."

No, are you ok? How are you feeling. He thought that was the first appropriate thing to say

I had a very bad EMCS with DS1, I was really unwell and had to stay 1 week at the hospital.
My mother: "well, it could have been worse, I had to give birth for real you know..." (meaning a vaginal birth)

I was going in to DD's school on a volunteer basis to do catch up reading. On the first day the teacher gave me a briefing and explained that it was 'for the poor kids who don't get read with at home' I'm sure my mouth fell open a little while I was thinking 'did she just say that, she did, she can't say that'. Ironically many of the kids were EAL so understandably a bit behind due to that, nothing to do with family income, my dd was probably the poorest in the class and didn't need the extra support (I was a single stay at home parent on benefits at the time, one of very few as the school is in a pretty wealthy area)