Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

@RampantIvy

I dislike the implication that it is a generational thing. I'm 62 and think your mum is being ridiculous.

Yep I agree -I’m 59.

@thefamous5 let me reword that then.. I have no issue with the act of breast feeding in public. It's the way some mothers chooses to do it that I find really rude and inconsiderate. No you don't need to get your whole boob out and leave it hanging there for everyone to see that your some breastfeeding warrior. Give it a rest.

Err, other people??

Contrary to some of the opinion on this thread, being exposed to a bit of boob for a second or two does not harm 'other people' in any way.

No you don't need to get your whole boob out and leave it hanging there for everyone to see that your some breastfeeding warrior.

Good job virtually no one does this then, hmm?

I remember getting home from the hospital and sitting on my own sofa to feed and MIL offering to get me a scarf. Right from the start, it was clear she thought it was a shameful activity that had to be hidden. (I declined the scarf - I needed to see what I was doing with a new baby!) When I went to her house, she put the shutters down when I fed in her living room presumably so no passers-by would catch a glimpse from the pavement? It was completely weird, I never cared or let it bother me but it wasn’t generational as my own mum had the absolute opposite attitude and was very supportive of breastfeeding. Just MIL has some very strongly ingrained ideas about what constitutes good manners - apparently implying to a new mother that breastfeeding is disgusting is fine, but the tiniest possibility of someone catching a glimpse of nipple is just not the done thing. She was very pro-formula anyway and I think really disappointed that she never got to bottle feed any of her grandchildren as we all breastfed, way past a year which also bemused her - she seemed to feel that three months was the limit and any more than that just unseemly and unnecessary I think!

@FrankGrillosWrist

As I sat on a train a few weeks back a woman plonked herself down opposite me, whipped her big floppy tit out right in front of my face & started to breast feed. I had no where to go, or look! Of course I got the glare, as did everyone else on the train. I’ve seen people breast feeding before & hardly noticed. But she was definitely wearing her breast feeding badge of honour on that day.

Another nice try

PLEASE stop saying women have to breastfeed DISCREETLY. What does that even mean? Breastfeeding in public is fine, but only as long as no one realises that's what's going on? Why should breastfeeding be covered up? Be it scarves or muslins or multiple tops. I don't want to wear two tops, thanks!

Thank you to anyone who is confident breastfeeding in public. I wish I had seen more of this when I was pregnant/DD was a baby because it might have made me more confident (particularly with toddlers!) I breastfed her until 21 months but mostly at home because covid hit and then she was more feeding just after naps/first thing/before bed. I did feed when out and about as needed but never felt comfortable.

Special mention to the mum I saw this morning feeding her baby on a bench at the side of the pool whilst her toddler sat on her other knee as they watched dad give the older child a swimming lesson. They all seemed so comfortable and normal and it was lovely. If we have a second I hope to be like that too.

PLEASE stop saying women have to breastfeed DISCREETLY. What does that even mean?

Exactly. It's huge additional pressure.

Speaking as a someone who had huge boobs, a fast let down and a fussy baby. I was as discreet as I could be, but it was certainly less discreet than others.

People end up feeling they shouldn't feed in public unless they can do it 'well' enough.

Things many under 30s think they invented and can’t imagine previous generations to have practised:

haha i know - i remember telling my millennial DCs about going to places like Greenham, getting in bother at school for protesting about things like CFCs and acid rain and them being shocked. Then when my mum told them she'd been on the Aldermaston marches the penny started to drop

I don't think it's generational; both of my parents were fully supportive and would be more likely to sit back, grinning and watch a show if someone had told me to put my boobs away when my DC were small. Towel over head might be a tad too unsubtle, but if it works......

"No you don't need to get your whole boob out and leave it hanging there for everyone to see that your some breastfeeding warrior. Give it a rest."

I have never seen anyone do this but if you cannot cope with the occasional glimpse of boob then stop staring at people.

Things many under 30s think they invented and can’t imagine previous generations to have practised

I know lots of mums in their 20s and 30s who are the first generation of women in their families for a long time to EBF.

My mum breastfed me only as a newborn and never in public. Neither of my grandmothers on both sides breastfed as they were told that their milk was ‘no good’.

Contrary to some of the opinion on this thread, being exposed to a bit of boob for a second or two does not harm 'other people' in any way.

Don't be ridiculous. No-one has said anyone has been harmed by seeing a bit of boob. Can you not debate without resorting to hyperbole?
What I have said is that everyone should be considerate of other people. And if those other people don't like seeing boobs out in public and finds it uncomfortable, it doesn't mean they are wrong.
Breastfeeding, contrary to what most pps in this thread seem to think, does not give you a free pass to ride roughshod over the feelings of other people, who are also in the cafe to enjoy themselves.
MN is very big on considering others and hidden disabilities and not jumping to conclusions. All very lovely until it comes to breastfeeding, then all bets are off evidently

I don’t think generations have anything to do with this. I’m in my 60s and fed my DSs in public 30 years ago and so did all of my friends. Please relax and enjoy your baby feeding days!

You just carry on getting that boob out anywhere you or baby pleases.

I do & mines 2!

DP was adamant I'd use one of those scarves. I literally handed it to him every time he opened a sandwich / drank a coffee and he soon got the hint.

IME nobody cares if you're feeding you baby. I have only ever had people smiling etc. if someone states at you it's probably me reminiscing about my once tiny baby and missing those peaceful feeds.

What I have said is that everyone should be considerate of other people. And if those other people don't like seeing boobs out in public and finds it uncomfortable, it doesn't mean they are wrong.

Why does their need to not 'uncomfortable' trump the need of a baby to be fed without being covered up?

Breastfeeding, contrary to what most pps in this thread seem to think, does not give you a free pass to ride roughshod over the feelings of other people, who are also in the cafe to enjoy themselves.

How does the possibility of seeing a tiny flash of boob interfere with someone's ability to enjoy themselves? And why can't they simply look away if they find it so awfully distressing?

@squishyegg

I currently breastfeed and couldn't give a shit who sees my boobs/nipples. If my baby is hungry I'm feeding her wherever I am!! And yeah I am one of 'those' who just whips a boob out without covering up etc. The people who care don't need to look do they!?

Quite! And if they do experience a second or two of (horror! ) exposed nipple, I am sure they'll survive.

I always assume they want someone to say something so they can get on their high horse about the right to breastfeed and cause a scene

Much like on here.
Easy to spot.

@TheKeatingFive

Ultimately feed your baby if you have to but you can still have consideration for others may be comfortable with too.

If they're uncomfortable they can turn their head away. Radical I know. HTH.

Yes, exactly. And quite frankly, the comfort of my baby is my only priority in this scenario.

"MN is very big on considering others and hidden disabilities and not jumping to conclusions. All very lovely until it comes to breastfeeding, then all bets are off evidently"

Bit of a stretch to compare being considerate of hidden disabilities and apparently being sensitive to viewing an extra inch or two of breast

What would your reaction have been to women's skirt hems rising? That they should put that unsightly display of ankle away? I mean, have some consideration for those who might see.

Or would you have supported women to have the freedom to wear what they want?

@FrankGrillosWrist - But that is exactly what “big floppy tits” are for!

@MilduraS - perhaps you can explain why, in your world the breast needs to be hidden as something sinister or nasty?

The French don’t seem to have these problems and the naked breast is the symbol of France.

I remember getting home from the hospital and sitting on my own sofa to feed and MIL offering to get me a scarf. Right from the start, it was clear she thought it was a shameful activity
I might do the same for my daughter, but not because I think it's shameful. Many breastfeeding mothers I know prefer to feed in private and I would like to give the option should they feel they would like to preserve their dignity. I'm not saying they 'should' feel this way, but many mothers do.

@Katyppp

What else would matter?

Err, other people??
I know it's a difficult concept to grasp, but you are not the only person in the world who matters

In a situation where a mother is feedng her baby, yes, the mother and her baby are the only people who matter.

@CoolOven You might offer your daughter a scarf at home??

Bonus points for "preserve their dignity" too No wonder new mums feel like they are expected to breastfeed but not to let anyone see!