Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

Obviously you can feed your baby whenever and wherever you want. It is a generational thing. My mum did breastfeed me but she said she was pretty much the only one and the midwives tried to talk her out of it even!

I breastfed but I always felt uncomfortable getting the boob out over the top as I felt really exposed. Not least because it would always take a bit of fanny around to get baby latched on. And invariably, at some point, there would be a noise and baby would fling their head off to look around. And at that point I would very much just feel like a lady in a cafe with her tit out! I found I felt most comfortable just wearing whatever top I liked with a vest underneath. Then when it came to feeding I would pull the top up, the vest down with little exposure.

It's not a generational thing. My mother breastfed all her children and her children and grandchildren all breastfed our babies who range in age from 23 to 1.

Some women do have an issue though - see 'inappropriate dresses' 'performance breastfeeding' 'discreetly' 'breastazi' - on this thread. It's got nothing to do with their age though, it's about them being uncomfortable at seeing breasts doing what they were designed to do which is feed our babies. A lot of women think of their breasts as sexual because they have unquestioningly absorbed the prevailing cultural positioning of them in our society.

Oh really? My parents worked so wouldn't have been on income support that I know of?

Yes really. DS was born in 86 and they were only available to people on benefits.

*The most offensive tits are the ones complaining, not the ones nourishing a child.

^
This has made my day

@CecilyP

I refuse to buy any bf specific clothing. I don't have the money, and I have a perfectly good wardrobe already

Normal separates tend to work just fine. Dresses a bit more problematic and if you don’t own any without front opening or are not stretchy enough to pull down, you’d need something else anyway.

I know; I'm 2.5 years into breastfeeding. I only wear dresses, so I have to pull down the front. My point is that I'm not buying anything different and faffing about with different layers and vest tops under clothes just to placate someone else . I'm happy to pull a boob over the top of my dress, tough if anyone has an issue with that.

@Oblomov21

Why did you wear such an inappropriate dress?

I've actually noticed in cafes and places recently that Some women seem quite exhibitionist about having their nipple on show for quite some time before baby latches on. It's got quite a 'I'm going to go this and you can't stop me' whiff.

Years ago, i only needed to bf in public a few times with Ds1 and Ds2 and I was discreet enough for there to be no drama.

Yes you’re right. The real joy of breastfeeding is being able to ‘exhibit’ my nipple in Asda/costa/wherever else my baby is hungry.

It’s a shame you felt the need to be so discreet and never experienced the sheer thrill of sitting bare chested in McDonald’s for the world to see.

@sandgrown

People should be able to feed where and when they want but there are definitely some “performance “ breast feeders who let it all hang out . They sit there with a challenge me if you dare face and I do understand it makes some people feel uncomfortable.

Omg, this!

I bf'd mine for a year and always considered us to be discrete - but NOT hiding away in loos etc. I've fed in churches, castles, on a plane, had my mil leave the room countless times, and I was a top-up/boob out kinda gal.

My neighbour was a performance bf mama. She was generous of breast anyway, but every single feed involved pulling top down, revealing her entire boob, fussing endlessly to get baby to latch and she somehow always used to end up kind of holding court, resplendent in her task.

I remember being out once, my dd was due for a feed, I got her latched, got on with my drink and cake, not a single turned head. Hers piped up, cue huge fuss, waitresses being summoned for glasses of water, spreading herself out to accommodate feeding cushion, then boob out, and lots of uncomfortable stares/eye rolling/awkward chair re-positioning from our uncomfortable neighbours.

I'm 100% supportive of bf in public and have short shrift for those who think it should be hidden away. But ye gods, be discrete! No need to wap 'em out like that and expect everyone to be completely OK with it.

I'm happy to pull a boob over the top of my dress, tough if anyone has an issue with that.

As long as you're happy, that's the only thing that matters

My DM thought I was amazing for BF as she hadn't been able to do it with me. She would never have asked me to cover up.
I remember feeding in a service station once and an elderly lady came over and said "what a lucky baby"
I decided to take my lead from the mothers that I saw BF in all types of places in Ecuador Peru and Bolivia. No muslins needed, no special clothes and no hiding in the toilets. It was wonderful to see.

@Katyppp

I'm happy to pull a boob over the top of my dress, tough if anyone has an issue with that.

As long as you're happy, that's the only thing that matters

What else would matter?

It’s cultural rather than generational I think. I didn’t feed in public a lot because I didn’t want to. I didn’t care if other people did though.

My mother was an arsehole about me breastfeeding full stop and felt I should lock myself in a private room. She actively made it harder in a way I think was horrid. (Eg starting meals as I went to feed the baby and then there being not much left when I’d finished, starting films/going to the pub, saying “she never wants to be in a room with someone breastfeeding” when I had very young infants, grimacing when I washed anything with breast milk on it in the sink)

My husband comes from a very different background and provides drinks, snacks and then leaves the room if someone who isn’t his immediate family is feeding. He just totally ignores it if there’s no polite “out” and it is manners and not disgust/disapproval that drives it. He is very supportive of breastfeeding and as is the norm in his culture was breastfed till about four. I think he was brought up to cosset breastfeeding women as most do pregnant women.

I am probably of the age of the OP's mum or gran and I'm very happy to see the support for BF on here! Only a few years ago there would have been a lot more awkwardness and embarrassment about BF in public. It's good to normalise it.

Why should women feeding their babies be discreet about it?

I mean do you eat your biscuits under a napkin in case anyone sees?

@IHateCoronavirus

As soon as she starts to eat throw a blanket over her head. She’ll get the message. The most offensive tits are the ones complaining, not the ones nourishing a child.

Oh please do this 😊

What else would matter?

Err, other people??
I know it's a difficult concept to grasp, but you are not the only person in the world who matters

I breastfeed in public, but neither you or your mum are wrong

It's annoying when people insist on a covering, but that's just her view.

Hardly being banished. I was asked to go upstairs in my own home as a teen mum even breastfeeding, in case any family friends/uncles saw. Very religious culture.

That would be going to far. Insisting on a blanket I would roll my eyes at, but I'm no way has she discouraged or put down. Just how some people don't like shoes on inside, some don't mind. Everyone has their own ideas depending on how they were raised- what I'm trying to say is, it's not that deep.

ODFO with the 'generational' crap.

You lot didn't invent breastfeeding. Yes. it was harder back in the 80s to do it anywhere as it wasn't a 'right' then. (I remember my friend feeding on the chairs at the bottom of the escalator in M&S!) and shops/cafes didn't make it easy. But we still did it. So it personal opinion about it, not 'generational'

However, if you are breastfeeding, surely it's better to wear something that makes it easy?

(Oh, and one of my D-i-L preferred one of those cover-up things you can buy that covers you and the baby without suffocating them, and this was last year!) Generational my backside.

As I sat on a train a few weeks back a woman plonked herself down opposite me, whipped her big floppy tit out right in front of my face & started to breast feed. I had no where to go, or look! Of course I got the glare, as did everyone else on the train. I’ve seen people breast feeding before & hardly noticed. But she was definitely wearing her breast feeding badge of honour on that day.

@Nojusttheone

Yes it's a generational thing. I was banished to another room to breastfeed when visiting parents/in laws etc.

I like the idea of throwing a blanket over her head when she's eating

I breastfed in the 80s. My father was in his 70s at the time and no-one else in the family had breastfed before.

I fed in front of him, my sister, brother, nephews and nieces.

No problems.

It's personal NOT generational

@Katyppp

What else would matter?

Err, other people??
I know it's a difficult concept to grasp, but you are not the only person in the world who matters

The feelings of people who are uncomfortable with seeing boobs and retain the full functionality of their necks do not matter in this situation.

@FrankGrillosWrist

As I sat on a train a few weeks back a woman plonked herself down opposite me, whipped her big floppy tit out right in front of my face & started to breast feed. I had no where to go, or look! Of course I got the glare, as did everyone else on the train. I’ve seen people breast feeding before & hardly noticed. But she was definitely wearing her breast feeding badge of honour on that day.

Was your train windowless? Did you not have a phone you could look at? Had your eyelids malfunctioned?

I give up with this sort of attitude.

I have no issues with people breastfeeding in public but there are mums out there who deliberately seem to make it a performance and that does annoy me. I always assume they want someone to say something so they can get on their high horse about the right to breastfeed and cause a scene. There's nothing wrong with showing some respect for people around you. You don't need to hide in a broom closet but nor do you need to get your boobs out to make a point.

@FrankGrillosWrist

As I sat on a train a few weeks back a woman plonked herself down opposite me, whipped her big floppy tit out right in front of my face & started to breast feed. I had no where to go, or look! Of course I got the glare, as did everyone else on the train. I’ve seen people breast feeding before & hardly noticed. But she was definitely wearing her breast feeding badge of honour on that day.

What else do you want her to do? If her baby needs feeding her baby needs feeding. Those things on the front of your head, the things that you noticed her 'big floppy tits' with, can move about and look elsewhere. Ceiling, floor, window, phone...

Revelation, I know!

If she's embarrassed by you feeding in public suggests she sits elsewhere!

@MilduraS

I have no issues with people breastfeeding in public but there are mums out there who deliberately seem to make it a performance and that does annoy me. I always assume they want someone to say something so they can get on their high horse about the right to breastfeed and cause a scene. There's nothing wrong with showing some respect for people around you. You don't need to hide in a broom closet but nor do you need to get your boobs out to make a point.

'I have no issues with breastfeeding but...'

You do have issues with breastfeeding.

A mum needs to get her boob out to feed her baby. Don't like it, don't look