Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

@DappledThings, at no point have I said that performance feeding is prevalent. In fact my last post was the first I mentioned it.
But others on this thread have alluded to it and been shouted down or insulted.
We all know it exists, but apparently we have to pretend it doesn't, otherwise - if I getting this right - we are massive twats, according to you. Nice.
I would support any woman who breastfed wherever the baby needed her to, but I can't and won't support the notion that the feeding woman is somehow more important than anyone else.

We all know it exists, but apparently we have to pretend it doesn't, otherwise - if I getting this right - we are massive twats, according to you. Nice.
No, I said I would have been a massive twat if I allowed my slight uncomfortableness with my friend getting her whole breast out to exprrss when she was in pain and I'd invited her over. That was quite specific.

As for knowing performance breastfeeding exists no we don't know that. I refute it which is why I listed all the places I've seen loads of women feeding and not once a performance in it. 99% of people being uncomfortable with it is down to over-active imagination as unless you get so close as to be unreasonably intimate you are highly unlikely to see more than you would at the beach.

Ok I made it to page 7 without needing to comment…some absolutely cracking comments on this thread. Notably from the EBF mother who is bitching about another mother feeding whilst exposing her whole breast…IN A FUCKING BABY GROUP!! Fuck me, if there’s one place I would think it wouldn’t matter, it would be a baby group! There or a hospital.

Honestly! I’ve fed 2 - one until he was 3, and one I’m still feeding at 15 months. When they are small if you have to feed snd your breasts are huge etc and they are still/feeds are longer it’s very easy to use a muslin to cover your breast (much more discreet than those stupid feeding aprons people wear) and that’s fine. Once you hit 6 months plus when they want to pop on and off and pull muslins off then forget it.

I’ve spent shitloads of money on nursing clothes but now he’s over 1 and barely feeds in public why would I dress like that? If I need to pop my breast out then I will. You’ll think I’m cuddling him at first glance and if you’re looking closer that’s your issue. I will also feed anywhere because I prefer my baby to be quiet and calm than screaming and pulling at my top going “MIIIIIIIIII”.

I have to tell you I just don’t care anymore what people think. I’m doing the best for my babies, my breasts are dead to me anyway and I cover myself when possible but things change with age.

Some real women-haters on this thread. Sheesh. Do you go around insulting women at nightclubs too if they wear low cut tops?

FYI my mother fed 4 of us (also me until I was 3) and she is also very adamant about women covering up. It’s one of those things I in principle think is nice to do but it’s wrong to shame people and make them feel obliged to.

It sounds like your personal circumstances and your family's reactions to breastfeeding are affecting you, which is a shame. Don't you feel angry that they can't just leave you in peace without fussing that someone might see?

My husband can be strange about it but it's more that he feels uncomfortable than that he affects what I do. I had opinions before I met him though and I am very happy BFing my baby without putting on a show.

@Katyppp

I agree Cooloven. Such a selfish, entitled way to behave but apparently fine because, hey, all that matters is the bf mother and baby of course. I will say it again, so many comments on here seem to show how some mums seem to revel in the discomfort of others, secure in the knowledge that people will always spring to their defence because (a) motherhood and breastfeeding seems to be elevated into special status by some and (b) anyone who is neither a new mother or breastfeeding are completely irrelevant and is not allowed an opinion

I don't know where to even start with this.

What a vile, repugnant post.

Shame on you.

We all know it exists

Do we?

I've never witnessed it in my life.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Ok I made it to page 7 without needing to comment…some absolutely cracking comments on this thread. Notably from the EBF mother who is bitching about another mother feeding whilst exposing her whole breast…IN A FUCKING BABY GROUP!! Fuck me, if there’s one place I would think it wouldn’t matter, it would be a baby group! There or a hospital.

Honestly! I’ve fed 2 - one until he was 3, and one I’m still feeding at 15 months. When they are small if you have to feed snd your breasts are huge etc and they are still/feeds are longer it’s very easy to use a muslin to cover your breast (much more discreet than those stupid feeding aprons people wear) and that’s fine. Once you hit 6 months plus when they want to pop on and off and pull muslins off then forget it.

I’ve spent shitloads of money on nursing clothes but now he’s over 1 and barely feeds in public why would I dress like that? If I need to pop my breast out then I will. You’ll think I’m cuddling him at first glance and if you’re looking closer that’s your issue. I will also feed anywhere because I prefer my baby to be quiet and calm than screaming and pulling at my top going “MIIIIIIIIII”.

I have to tell you I just don’t care anymore what people think. I’m doing the best for my babies, my breasts are dead to me anyway and I cover myself when possible but things change with age.

Some real women-haters on this thread. Sheesh. Do you go around insulting women at nightclubs too if they wear low cut tops?

FYI my mother fed 4 of us (also me until I was 3) and she is also very adamant about women covering up. It’s one of those things I in principle think is nice to do but it’s wrong to shame people and make them feel obliged to.

If you mean me I was merely expressing an opinion about several women and one in particular who sprung to mind as I see her so it regularly in the park. You are the one bitching and being slightly aggressive.

Some real women-haters on this thread. Sheesh. Do you go around insulting women at nightclubs too if they wear low cut tops?

As it happened I've never shouted down anyone. I'm merely involved in a discussion.

The only ones shouting people down and shaming people are those of you on this thread who cannot accept others' views.

You'd think no one has ever had a different view to you 🤯

without putting on a show.

And once again, what does this actually entail?

@StarlightLady

There is no need or requirement to try and “feed discretely”. Breast feeding is nothing to be ashamed of and breasts are not taboo.

Some people may find the sight of a breast discomforting. There might be someone else about who considers that elbows should be covered or knees. You just cannot pander to everyone’s beliefs. Around 50% of the adult population have breasts. Those who cannot handle the (beautiful) sight of a baby feeding should concentrate their efforts on worrying about breasts being used to sell cars and other inanimate items and marketed largely at men.

Exactly this. ^

Makes you wonder why some people (mostly women in my experience) have such an issue with mothers breastfeeding their children? Why does it make them so uncomfortable?

I have a few theories, but I will keep them to myself...

@Katyppp in my case your opinion doesn't count even if you are a BFing new mum... if you don't agree with the ones who think they take priority over everyone else.

Those who cannot handle the (beautiful) sight of a baby feeding should concentrate their efforts on worrying about breasts being used to sell cars and other inanimate items and marketed largely at men

Excellent point.

@Yogaandcocoa

But wearing a vest top under your t shirt or facing away from a crowd even doesn't mean you are not working hard to feed your child.

I think you are referencing my post.

Feeding a baby with a tongue tie can mean a mother with very sore nipples using somewhat unconventional techniques. Anything that helps mother and baby in this difficult situation should be supported.

Washing and sorting out laundry for the occasions the mother and baby are able to go out aren't a high priority for families with a newborn who is having difficulties feeding.

As others have said, the underlying issue is seeing breasts as primarily sexual in a culture that is still not fully behind breast feeding.

Tbh, I think the more women feed in public to normalise it the better. If it is obvious what they are doing, it helps others.

When pregnant with my daughter I was sitting opposite a woman who did bare her breast for a short while before her baby latched on. She inspired me to feel more confident.

Hiding away continues the notion that this is a somewhat shameful activity that needs to be hidden.

around 50% of the population have a pe is too. Would seeing that make you uncomfortable over a morning bagel? Probably not so that's not really the point is it.

My baby had a tongue tie til he was 2 months old @PfizerMinnelli These are just excuses. Of course there may be days where it's difficult to consider clothing but not most of the time and if it's that hard you would probably not be going out. Other PPs have made the point that they can do what they lie and don't care of others are uncomfortable.

As I sat on a train a few weeks back a woman plonked herself down opposite me, whipped her big floppy tit out right in front of my face & started to breast feed

I don't agree with this person at all, but this made me laugh so much tbh 😂😂

around 50% of the population have a penis too. Would seeing that make you uncomfortable over a morning bagel?

Is a penis' primary function to feed babies?

No. So not in the slightest bit comparable.

These are just excuses

You're actually just being offensive now. What a horrible thing to say to a mother who's struggling.

No a penis fiction is t to feed a baby but what if a man had a problem and had just picked up some topical treatment for his penis? He wanted to use it straight away but was in a cafe. Would you expect him to go to the loos or do it in public. Of course not the latter.

To be very clear I am not saying that is the same as BFing. I'm saying the fact that 59% of the population has breasts is irrelevant. We are not a society that bares all so I don't think it's necessary to bare all while feeding in most cases (on occasion it may be)

It's really ok if you don't agree with me. I don't actually expect anyone to do anything differently just because I think this way.

I'm not sure why you seem to think I should think the same way you do.

I didn't say anything to a mother who is struggling. I said that to a PP who is looking for ways to justify her position. We can all do that. And it's fine.

Like I say, I'm happy for us all to think differently. I'm engaging in this debate as that's all it is to me. I would never actually ask anyone IRL to cover themselves up. OP asked a question in AIBU and I expressed a view. That's it.

Well a man did do that I seem to remember.

He urgently needed to apply some cream and can't quite remember details. I think he tried to be as discreet as possible. It was unfortunate some women/ girls were passing at the time.

I'll try and find the story.

No one 'performance' breastfeeds.

Seriously what a lot of utter tripe.

@Katyppp @CoolOven

May I ask specifically, what is the reason you feel women shouldn't be so "obvious" about BF in public? It's been mentioned that BF mothers should be more considerate of others, as it makes others uncomfortable. But, why does is make them uncomfortable? What specifically about the activity makes other feels this way?

I think it's important to understand the reasons behind them feeling that way.

If you mean me I was merely expressing an opinion about several women and one in particular who sprung to mind as I see her so it regularly in the park. You are the one bitching and being slightly aggressive

I am merely expressing the opinion that it’s idiotic and ignorant to be judgemental about someone breastfeeding in public, particularly at a baby group where they should feel comfortable and supported 😊

I actually cover up /try to avoid feeding altogether especially in circumstances I think someone would be uncomfortable eg at a family member’a house when they are v religious and conservative and I know it bothers them. But a baby group? A soft play? The park?! 😆😆😆😆

It used to make me angry but I actually think people on this thread are either a bit sad or it’s hilarious how outdated the views are. And outdated doesn’t even work because look at the photo of Mary feeding Jesus with her “boob flopping out all over the shop”

Damn can't find it! It was second only to the badger watching for me!

However while searching I did see plenty of other men who had explained in court that they were doing something innocent including this man who was looking for an insect that had got in his underwear and bitten guys dick. For 40 mins...

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/a-bug-bit-willie-bizarre-24370250

[quote NiceGerbil]Damn can't find it! It was second only to the badger watching for me!

However while searching I did see plenty of other men who had explained in court that they were doing something innocent including this man who was looking for an insect that had got in his underwear and bitten guys dick. For 40 mins...

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/a-bug-bit-willie-bizarre-24370250[/quote]
How is this relevant to feeding babies?

I find the common comparison with feeding a baby with breast milk, where the breast is compared to a cock, really really iffy tbh.

Kind you when I was at school boys said it was full of nutrients so... Whatever.