Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

My mum died 6 weeks before I had my first baby last year so I spent a lot of time with my dad he made such a fuss every time I went to feed I'm NC with him now and still BF dd and due my second any day. I look back and feel angry I never told him to shut the fuck up at the time and how he should of been telling me what a great job I was doing. I know my mum would be really proud of me. Be assertive OP you are doing a very natural thing

My in laws are also abit weird about it can't wait for them to see me tandem feed for the first time

Does any of this mean you should be unduly worried about others seeing a tiny bit of boob and not feed your baby in those circs? Absolutely not.

I think you are being deliberately difficult now so will stop wasting my time. I have said many times that I am not talking about situations where considerate people are caught short or exposing themselves due a fussy baby.

I have said many times that I am not talking about situations where considerate people are caught short or exposing themselves due a fussy baby.

But we all know that the boobs out for 20 minutes, dancing on the cafe table example that's hauled out is so rare as to be basically ridiculous.

So one wonders who you actually are talking about?

You mentioned baby groups, where i think a little more leeway for mums learning what they're doing, not really in the public eye to begin with, would hardly be a terrible thing either.

The thing about demanding people be 'discreet' is that there's no consensus what that means

But we all know that the boobs out for 20 minutes, dancing on the cafe table example that's hauled out is so rare as to be basically ridiculous.

So one wonders who you actually are talking about?

You mentioned baby groups, where i think a little more leeway for mums learning what they're doing, not really in the public eye to begin with, would hardly be a terrible thing either.

The thing about demanding people be 'discreet' is that there's no consensus what that means

I second all of this

"So you don't think people should be considerate of others, @Susiesquirrel?
Dohiu not think that's how society works then?"

Yes I do think people should be considerate of others but some people's ideas of what is inconsiderate are not reasonable. I have a son with a severe learning disability. There are some that think he shouldn't be out in public because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Clearly they are not reasonable.

And I 'third' it

@Somethingsnappy

And I 'third' it

That was for thekeatingfive and dappled things.

@Yogaandcocoa

"I consider a happy medium to be everyone being tolerant abs considerate which I think is ensuring mums feel comfortable feeding their babies but those mums also taking steps to ensure they don't make others unduly uncomfortable"

But this is so arbitrary, don't you see how vague and difficult it is to try and feed your baby but also have to always be conscious if some random people might be made "unduly uncomfortable"? Great way to make sure new mums who are still struggling with establishing breastfeeding don't go out at all.

It sounds like your personal circumstances and your family's reactions to breastfeeding are affecting you, which is a shame. Don't you feel angry that they can't just leave you in peace without fussing that someone might see?

@RampantIvy

I dislike the implication that it is a generational thing. I'm 62 and think your mum is being ridiculous.

Yes, I'm 66 and I think people who object to BF in public are daft.

My in laws are also abit weird about it can't wait for them to see me tandem feed for the first time

So you'll enjoy seeing their obvious discomfort. Fair enough.

I agree Cooloven.
Such a selfish, entitled way to behave but apparently fine because, hey, all that matters is the bf mother and baby of course.
I will say it again, so many comments on here seem to show how some mums seem to revel in the discomfort of others, secure in the knowledge that people will always spring to their defence because (a) motherhood and breastfeeding seems to be elevated into special status by some and (b) anyone who is neither a new mother or breastfeeding are completely irrelevant and is not allowed an opinion

(a) motherhood and breastfeeding seems to be elevated into special status by some

"Some" meaning the UK Equality Act of 2010: treating a woman unfavourably because she is breastfeeding a child of any age is considered sex discrimination.
If you don't like it then try and get the law changed. Good luck with that.

@TheKeatingFive

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chipin.

So what's your point? Women shouldn't bf because it's easier to bottle feed in a cafe? 😵‍💫

But it’s actually not easier is it.? Breastfeeding means you can feed wherever whenever with zero preparation, it’s free and it’s healthier.

@Yogaandcocoa

I never get how women can wander around with the skimpiest of tops on for a night out yet someone breast feeding is commented on

Many of the people who might complain about seeing a woman's breasts in a cafe over breakfast probably wouldn't be on a "night out" in those places.

People don't like to hear it but not everyone wants to see your breasts.

Ultimately feed your baby if you have to but you can still have consideration for others may be comfortable with too.

You don’t actually have the right to dictate the appearance of everyone around you. If you want that control stay in your own house. If you don’t want to see, don’t look.

You are entitled to your feelings but nobody else has to care.

Not a fab of yanking whole boob out, don't know I find it a bit ott but that's my problem not yours.

@Katyppp

I agree Cooloven. Such a selfish, entitled way to behave but apparently fine because, hey, all that matters is the bf mother and baby of course. I will say it again, so many comments on here seem to show how some mums seem to revel in the discomfort of others, secure in the knowledge that people will always spring to their defence because (a) motherhood and breastfeeding seems to be elevated into special status by some and (b) anyone who is neither a new mother or breastfeeding are completely irrelevant and is not allowed an opinion

God there’s some weirdos on this thread.

Women have a legal right to breastfeed their babies in public for very good reason. Nobody is making you look if it upsets you so much, though god knows why it would.

The first comment sums it up. No need to worry about being discreet, the people with the problems are the "uncomfortable" ones who don't seem to realise not watching is an option.
I only get the nipple tassels out and dance topless on tables screaming "look at me!" while feeding on weekends.

I will say it again, so many comments on here seem to show how some mums seem to revel in the discomfort of others
Hardly anyone says that. What most people say is that feeding the baby takes precedence over anyone else's issues. Which it should. Very few people set out to cause offence. Very few reveal much of their breasts at all.

Being offended and made to feel uncomfortable by someone breastfeeding is about 95% in the over-active imagination of the beholder.

I have hugeeeee boobs, I plan to BF mine, her head would barely cover my areoles and I will probably have to hold boob to stop her suffocating so I really am concerned on how to do that discreetly to be honest - I don’t think I would even feel comfortable in front of family let alone strangers 😩

For the record, I am not anti breast feeding and seeing someone feeding does not make me feel uncomfortable.
What I am against is the attitude very much evident in this thread, an aggressive entitlement and a refusal to accept that some people may find performance breastfeeding uncomfortable viewing.
Yes I know women's entitlement to feed is enshrined in law, as it should be. What isn't enshrined in law unfortunately is the necessity to grasp that others may not share your opinions, nor think you and your baby are the most important people in any situation.
We all have to rub along together and some of the things said on here about people who have raised children of their own have been horrible, aggressive and inflammatory, as well as wrong in my opinion.

Most of my friends breastfed their DC, as did I. Not one of us did "performance breastfeeding". We just got on with it.

What I am against is the attitude very much evident in this thread, an aggressive entitlement and a refusal to accept that some people may find performance breastfeeding uncomfortable viewing.
What I'm against is the aggressive insistence that performance breastfeeding is in any way common or frequent and that what some people are describing as making them uncomfortable is actually far more discreet than they make out.

I've breastfed two babies everywhere. I've done it in a bit of South London where bottle feeding was really rare and nearly everyone was breastfeeding at least early on. I've been on post-natal wards with the curtains open. I've been been on trains with women struggling to get on board with screaming babies and settling down as soon as possible to get them latched. I've been around friends who have been struggling and doing anything to try and make it work and I have still never seen any of this "flopped out a tit" crap.

I've seen probably hundreds of feeds where some breast is exposed, no more than a bikini. If that makes someone uncomfortable then either they are also uncomfortable at the beach or they are just uncomfortable about a breast being used for feeding specifically. And that absolutely is their problem and nobody else's.

The one and only time I've seen any degree of exposure that might make someone uncomfortable is when a friend was at mine and having a really tough time with bad latch and mastitis and asked if I minded her pumping. Which, not being a massive twat, I didn't mind in the least.

@Katyppp

I agree Cooloven. Such a selfish, entitled way to behave but apparently fine because, hey, all that matters is the bf mother and baby of course. I will say it again, so many comments on here seem to show how some mums seem to revel in the discomfort of others, secure in the knowledge that people will always spring to their defence because (a) motherhood and breastfeeding seems to be elevated into special status by some and (b) anyone who is neither a new mother or breastfeeding are completely irrelevant and is not allowed an opinion

Someone else eating, let alone a child, never makes me uncomfortable.

@Lorw

I have hugeeeee boobs, I plan to BF mine, her head would barely cover my areoles and I will probably have to hold boob to stop her suffocating so I really am concerned on how to do that discreetly to be honest - I don’t think I would even feel comfortable in front of family let alone strangers 😩

I found it much easier in front of strangers, tbh, than in front of MIL. I used to find a corner of a cafe and face the wall, if poss, or a quiet park bench. Also, a t-shirt you can pull up is a lot more discreet than something you have to pull down. With a jacket, maybe. It's the latching on and off that shows the flesh - once they're on it should be OK, and if you can see one nostril then they can breathe (if they've not got a cold).

There is no need or requirement to try and “feed discretely”. Breast feeding is nothing to be ashamed of and breasts are not taboo.

Some people may find the sight of a breast discomforting. There might be someone else about who considers that elbows should be covered or knees. You just cannot pander to everyone’s beliefs. Around 50% of the adult population have breasts. Those who cannot handle the (beautiful) sight of a baby feeding should concentrate their efforts on worrying about breasts being used to sell cars and other inanimate items and marketed largely at men.