Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

But I think that's different @TheKeatingFive @Somethingsnappy You wore clothing that probably exposed less than a dress or top that you would release your boob over the top of. If baby is fussy or comes off the boob that's different IMHO.

But I will agree to disagree on the issue overall.

@Yogaandcoca, oh but I do sometimes have to get the whole breast out over the top of my clothes. Where did I say I didn't? I explained that with a whole breast out, once the baby is feeding with nipple and areola in the mouth, head covering a larger area, all that is 'on display' is a small area of flesh, same as a low cut top. If I have a muslin or small cloth handy, I'll sometimes use that to help cover up. But if I don't have those things to hand, I refuse to feel guilty about it.

@wanttomarryamillionaire

Its definitely a generation thing. I was born in the 70's and my mum and all my aunts consider breastfeeding repulsive and unnecessary. When i had my dc in the late 90's and early 2000's i had the same attitude and so did the majority of my friends. By the time i had last dc in 2006 things were beginning to change, i had a few friends who breast fed. Now my dil and all my younger relatives just automatically breast feed, even if its just for a few weeks, its seen as the norm. I think its great that young mothers today don't have to hide away and can get on with life while breast feeding.

Your mum and aunts thought breastfeeding was repulsive and unnecessary? WTAF? I assume these women were born in the first half of the 20th century? Surely many/most women would have breastfed their children then? All the women of that era that I knew did...

I can understand them being shy abut doing it in public, but thinking it's repulsive and unnecessary is just bizarre.

Also, I had mine in the 1990s, and most women in my social circle/peer group breastfed their baby(s.) Even my grandmother who was born in the 1910s expected me to breastfeed, as did all the midwives. As it happened, I wanted to anyway, and had no intention of bottle feeding.

Going back to the thread content, I find it so bizarre that ANYone is offended by a woman breastfeeding her baby. It says more about them tbh. They clearly have issues.

@Somethingsnappy I was responding to you and @TheKeatingFive in her comment that you quoted

I am saying I think it's different if there is exposure due to a fussy baby or latching etc rather than wearing what I consider to be inappropriate clothing for BFing.

As someone who breast fed all my children I would have said I had no problem with babies being fed in a public place. Now though I’m not so sure having seen something yesterday that I felt was embarrassing and inappropriate - a baby feeding from an almost totally uncovered breast whilst the mother was walking down a very busy shopping street pushing the pushchair.
Being charitable you could say that the baby was screaming in the pushchair and the mum had no choice, but even if she didn’t know the city well there were plenty of very obvious places that she had just walked past where she could have fed the baby more discreetly and comfortably.
By the time I got to baby number 4 I’ll admit that I was quite blasé about feeding when out and about, but I’d like to think that I was always mindful that there could be people around me that didn’t want to see what I was doing. I know there are some that would take the view that this was their problem to deal with not mine but at the end of the day it didn’t require too much effort on my part to keep the offending body part hidden.
It’s not unusual nowadays to see mums feeding their babies in cafes etc but I know that my dad feels very uncomfortable if someone is feeding in his direct line of vision as he doesn’t know where to look. He would be very grateful to the OPs mum in the circumstances she described!

@TheKeatingFive

Tbf, being discreet doesn't interfere with the babys ability to feed.

That very much depends on both the baby and people's definition of discreet.

Speaking as someone with large boobs and a fast let down, I often had to pop my babies off the breast briefly to stop them choking. I used the two tops method and I doubt anyone saw anything, but it certainly wasn't as streamlined and easy as I've seen others do.

The problem with demanding people be 'discreet' is that some mothers don't have confidence that they're able to be 'discreet' enough, and the danger is they're put off feeding in public entirely.

100%.

[quote Yogaandcocoa]**@Somethingsnappy* I was responding to you and @TheKeatingFive* in her comment that you quoted

I am saying I think it's different if there is exposure due to a fussy baby or latching etc rather than wearing what I consider to be inappropriate clothing for BFing.[/quote]
Ah, I see which post you meant. I wrote quite a long reply directly to the questions you asked, on a previous page. I would be interested to see what you think of that?

Its definitely a generation thing. I was born in the 70's and my mum and all my aunts consider breastfeeding repulsive and unnecessary

That's a weird sweeping statement right there.

I'm probably a similar age to your mum and aunts, got married in the 70s. I know of absolutely NO Woman my age who thinks breastfeeding repulsive and unnecessary. None. All my peers who had babies in the 70s breastfed, if they were able (I wasn't)

I had my children in the 80s when breastfeeding was positively encouraged, I couldn't but there were medical reasons so no sense of failure.

@LittleDandelionClock they were all born between 1958 and 1963! They were all breastfed themselves! They all just see it as revolting and not necessary! This was the attitude i was raised with as well! Maybe its to do with social circles or something, I don't know but literally none of my friends even considered breastfeeding. When i had my own children the midwives asked if i wanted to breastfeed or bottle feed and when I said bottle they didn't try and persuade me otherwise. However with my dil's and my own dd I happily support them in feeding whichever way they want to and breastfeeding seems to be the norm among their generation.

I don't know which one you mean @Somethingsnappy

If you mean the one about why I feel the way I do. I think I know why and that's ok. It could be partly cultural and upbringing related but that's still ok.

It's perfectly fine to feed in a way that is comfortable for you. But it's not OK to say the way others feed is not "discreet" enough.

It is ok for me to think this and it is ok for me to say this in a discussion about breastfeeding.

My position is that there will be people who BF in public and there will be people who are uncomfortable with it. I don't believe it is for those who are uncomfortable to entirely change their position. I consider a happy medium to be everyone being tolerant abs considerate which I think is ensuring mums feel comfortable feeding their babies but those mums also taking steps to ensure they don't make others unduly uncomfortable. Taking boob out over a top is an example of something I consider unnecessary but I say this we a BFing mum and I accept anyone could find themselves in a position where they are not being as discreet as others would like. What I don't really agree with us when mums seem to have zero considerations for those around them and think everyone should bend to their way of thinking.

People don't like to hear it but not everyone wants to see your breasts. What a weird thing to say. People don't breastfeed in order to show their breasts to others. They do it because that is how they have chosen to feed their baby.

Ultimately feed your baby if you have to but you can still have consideration for others may be comfortable with too. Isn't the real problem the specialisation of women's breasts? They are now seen as primarily sexual rather than their intended purpose which is to feed babies/toddlers. Men walk around in summer with their tops off just because they are not. They aren't feeding babies with them yet people don't make a scene about that.

It's sad how deeply ingrained misogyny, in both men and women, has become. Women who want to breastfeed their children now have to have their clothes chosen for them in case someone happens to catch a glimpse!

My position is that there will be people who BF in public and there will be people who are uncomfortable with it. I don't believe it is for those who are uncomfortable to entirely change their position. I consider a happy medium to be everyone being tolerant abs considerate which I think is ensuring mums feel comfortable feeding their babies but those mums also taking steps to ensure they don't make others unduly uncomfortable. Taking boob out over a top is an example of something I consider unnecessary but I say this we a BFing mum and I accept anyone could find themselves in a position where they are not being as discreet as others would like. What I don't really agree with us when mums seem to have zero considerations for those around them and think everyone should bend to their way of thinking.

Very well put and my feelings exactly.
There are some on this thread who seem to get a kick out of being obnoxious and self-centred.

To continue with the idea that BFing a baby needs to be discrete and that it's easy to be discrete. A PP poster mentioned her fast let down. I'd like to add that not all babies have a good latch, for many reasons.

My daughter had two babies with a tongue tie. Much respect to her and all mothers in this situation. She worked hard at making sure her babies got enough milk and discretion was the least of her worries.

She was a EBFed baby and as she got older she'd be doing the pulling my top up thing, popping off my nipple to beam around at everyone nearby. Ha. Discrete? Not very! My mother, born 1928, did learn to cope with a toddler joining in the conversation whilst having a feed.

Discomfort with BFing is not a generational thing but the prevalent attitudes of the era and social group one grows up with does influence people. My own mother was persuaded by her GP to stop BFing me at 9 months and was so happy times and ideas had changed. She was also made to feel so guilty about the times she fell asleep with me in the early morning feeds. She was genuinely happy to see us cosleep and BF way beyond infancy.

Its definitely a generation thing. I was born in the 70's and my mum and all my aunts consider breastfeeding repulsive and unnecessary.
My mum and MIL were born in 1948 and 1952. They had 5 babies between them from 1976-1982 and all were breastfed without either of them suggesting it was anything other than totally the norm and expected.

Neither my dad or FIL (1952 and 1945) have ever appeared the least bit uncomfortable about being around me feeding either. It's cultural, not generational

I don't think it's all generational. A woman asked to BF in my dads pub (they weren't eating/drinking in there) and he was all "er. Chair? Yes. You'll be wanting a brew then"
He's 72 and knows enough to find her a comfy chair and make her a cup of tea!
I was BF so maybe that's why he gets it?

My DDs were EBF back in the 80s, before specially designed clothing. I just fed them, wherever we were.

It was a bit of an eye opener for some of DH's friends, but for my FIL, born in 1910, it was absolutely normal.

@sandgrown

People should be able to feed where and when they want but there are definitely some “performance “ breast feeders who let it all hang out . They sit there with a challenge me if you dare face and I do understand it makes some people feel uncomfortable.

I know one of these....puts pics all over insta and Facebook for all to see and that makes me more uncomfortable that someone who just gets on with it!

She worked hard at making sure her babies got enough milk and discretion was the least of her worries.

Exactly, and if anyone thinks this is 'obnoxious and self centred' they can go do one.

But wearing a vest top under your t shirt or facing away from a crowd even doesn't mean you are not working hard to feed your child.

Keating I do wish you would stop using my quotes out of context

But wearing a vest top under your t shirt or facing away from a crowd even doesn't mean you are not working hard to feed your child.

Maybe you'd struggle to manoeuvre yourself so you can't be seen in the chair you're sitting in. Maybe for whatever reason you got caught short on the wardrobe front.

Does any of this mean you should be unduly worried about others seeing a tiny bit of boob and not feed your baby in those circs? Absolutely not.

Keating I do wish you would stop using my quotes out of context

Lol.

Which posters on this thread were you talking about then?

@IHateCoronavirus

As soon as she starts to eat throw a blanket over her head. She’ll get the message. The most offensive tits are the ones complaining, not the ones nourishing a child.

Love this 🤣

"What I have said is that everyone should be considerate of other people. And if those other people don't like seeing boobs out in public and finds it uncomfortable, it doesn't mean they are wrong."

So what other legal activities in public do you think that people shouldn't have to see because it makes them feel uncomfortable. I can a few bigots objecting to various things.

So you don't think people should be considerate of others, @Susiesquirrel?
Dohiu not think that's how society works then?