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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed with DH

144 replies

Rosebel · 31/10/2021 00:13

I have injured my foot quite badly. My mum has offered to for me to stay with her for a few days so I can rest.
My husband said I can only go if I take the kids with me. I said I'd take youngest but not older two who are teenagers and at school.
My husband said in that case I can't go.
Is he being unreasonable or am I?
YABU you are
YANBU he is

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 31/10/2021 07:46

So why can’t he parent his own children, who as teenagers, wouldn’t actually need parenting anyway?

He sounds very selfish

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2021 07:47

I hate to break it to you op, but - he doesn't care about you. I'm sorry. He's telling you that by his actions now. Accept that, and then try to decide what to do.
Fwiw - I would divorce him. One life.

HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 31/10/2021 07:48

He's controlling you. That's not a loving relationship, run for the hills.

MamanSparkles · 31/10/2021 07:53

He finishes at 3.30? Please tell me this man is not a teacher who thinks it is ok for your GCSE year DD to just have a week off school so he doesnt need to parent her...

PerseverancePays · 31/10/2021 07:54

He’s confusing you with a household appliance.

Honkingallthewaytothebank · 31/10/2021 07:55

What the fuck?

He'll 'let' you go away to recuperate.... if you also take the bulk of your responsibilities that make recuperation at home impossible.

I know you say 'sometimes things are good' but if this is the other times, it's worrying.

Life doesn't have to be like this you know. There are reassuring and supportive partners out there.

Please consider leaving this miserable and controlling fucker.

Original poster
Rosebel · 31/10/2021 07:55

@MamanSparkles

He finishes at 3.30? Please tell me this man is not a teacher who thinks it is ok for your GCSE year DD to just have a week off school so he doesnt need to parent her...
No not a teacher or he'd probably have more sense.
OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2021 07:55

What will the fall out be if you go?

CoolOven · 31/10/2021 07:56

I don't want to leave him (sometimes things are really good)

Things are really good when he's getting his own way and you're toeing the line. That's really not good enough. He is domineering. But you know that.

Sofiegiraffe · 31/10/2021 07:56

@Rosebel

Three nights and he finishes work at 3 :30 for the next six weeks so it doesn't intefer with the children. He's refusing because I wound up in hospital last year with blood clots on my lungs and he had to look after the kids then. He doesn't get that it was life threatening and it was, only 2 days. I know he won't change his mind though.

He "had" to look after his own kids last year whilst their mother battled life threatening condition in hospital, and this is his reason for refusing to look after his own kids this year.

What. The. Fuck.

He's a knob.

cansu · 31/10/2021 07:57

He is controlling you because you fear he will be annoyed. Interesting that he doesn't care about you being annoyed with him. You need to take some control back and go. Get angry and tell him why. Go to your mums and tell him to piss off. My relationship is now more balanced power wise because I now stick up for myself much more. You are too scared to rock the boat

wonderbegone · 31/10/2021 07:58

That's because he doesn't care about you and the kids OP.

Cheeseplantboots · 31/10/2021 07:58

I think you know that your husband is a controlling bully. He is a complete arse. He doesn’t care about you or love you. My husband would be falling over himself to take time off work and take care of me.

The fact you even have to ask this question goes to show how controlled you are.

Stop being a doormat and stand up to the idiot.

Sofiegiraffe · 31/10/2021 07:59

I just know that if I went he'd hold it over me forever "remember the time I had to look after the girls because you fucked off to your mum's?

I'm speechless for the first time on MN. This is horrendous. "Remember that time I had to look after my own children". Confused

devildeepbluesea · 31/10/2021 07:59

Bloody hell. I bloody hate threads like this. Makes me so sad that so many women are settling for shitty, selfish wankers like your husband OP.

Cheeseplantboots · 31/10/2021 08:01

Also if your daughter is doing her GCSEs she doesn’t need looking after; what difference does it make if the teenagers are there? Honestly my two teens take care of themselves.

grapewine · 31/10/2021 08:01

The fact that you have to ask this is so sad.

TheWatersofMarch · 31/10/2021 08:05

He can't stop you going, but why does he think it's better that you stay? Is he controlling and lazy, so if you stay at home you won't be able to rest because he and the kids won't cover the essentials of clean clothes and meals so you have to? Or does he feel that even if you're on strict bed rest there are still contributions you can make from bed that will help the family Eg reading stories, chivvying and helping with homework, online food orders, sorting and folding laundry, peeling/chopping veg. Good luck with your recovery.

Theimpossiblegirl · 31/10/2021 08:05

He sounds like a shit husband and father and you sound absolutely worn down by him.
He is showing you exactly how much he cares about you and the kids right now. You should listen, he's not going to improve.
Go, take the youngest, make sure the teens are happy to sort themselves out. Look at your options going forward.

Pickuptruck · 31/10/2021 08:10

Like a PP your post makes me sad, how can you be putting up with this crap, have you low self esteem? HE IS NOT YOUR BOSS!
just go to your mums and leave him to it, inform your daughters where you will be, they are teenagers and will survive his care. You need to model behaviour for your kids, it's not too late to show them how not to be a doormat.

CityMumma78 · 31/10/2021 08:11

Wow!! F that s. Honestly what a selfish pig.
Just go and leave all the kids for a couple of days of rest and relaxation and think about YOU. Remind him that he is also their responsibility plus he has 6 weeks off so it won’t interfere with anything. I’m angry for you!!!
Get well soon x

emlouwat · 31/10/2021 08:14

He sounds like a right dick

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2021 08:17

If you're scared of the way he'll behave if you do this - that's abuse.

jay55 · 31/10/2021 08:18

What will the fall out be if you went and left the teens behind?
Would it be unsafe for the teens?

Geriatric1234 · 31/10/2021 08:21

You talk about a “fallout” that is preventing you from going. That’s victim of abuse verbiage and really worrying. I’m not someone who jumps on these threads and cries “ABUSE! LTB!” Cos of a fight, but not feeling able to recuperate from an injury is incredibly worrying. I suggest you start googling signs of abuse and coercive control and see how many boxes you tick. There are alarming red flags in this post.