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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed with DH

144 replies

Rosebel · 31/10/2021 00:13

I have injured my foot quite badly. My mum has offered to for me to stay with her for a few days so I can rest.
My husband said I can only go if I take the kids with me. I said I'd take youngest but not older two who are teenagers and at school.
My husband said in that case I can't go.
Is he being unreasonable or am I?
YABU you are
YANBU he is

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 31/10/2021 01:21

Be annoyed with yourself for tolerating his controlling ways and not leaving the selfish bastard

GreenTeaRoses · 31/10/2021 01:46

Have your Mom come stay with you. He can sleep on the couch while she is there.

Ticksallboxes · 31/10/2021 02:13

What??

AnyOldPrion · 31/10/2021 05:10

Do you need him to drive you, or can you get there under your own steam (taxi, lift from someone)?

Pretty sure if I could get there without him, I’d go, regardless of what he said.

But the hospital thing. He complained that he had to care for his own children (?) while you were in hospital? Even my ex, who was not the best dad, made a point of keeping our children happy while I was in hospital on a few occasions, because he recognised it must be scary for them. Is he really holding your illness against you? He doesn’t sound great, with that and his controlling behaviour now. How is he normally?

GiltEdges · 31/10/2021 05:15

Honestly I'd probably take him at his word and take all of the DC with you. I also wouldn't ever be going back.

Offmyfence · 31/10/2021 05:27

TBH in reality if you've got a DH and two teen children at home, I don't see why you can't stay home and have complete rest? They can look after the younger child and look after you.

I also realise by your post that your DH is clearly a selfish agree and this would not happen and you have to actually remove yourself from the situation to get rest.

Go to your mums, I presume she can pick you up? Leave all of them behind, or as PP said take them all and don't return.

timeisnotaline · 31/10/2021 05:39

Can your mum pick them up? I’d leave all the dc with him , you don’t need his permission.
Are you also planning to separate? Sounds like you should.

Inthesameboatatmo · 31/10/2021 05:44

I would be taking all my children and never going back , I can't believe he actually thinks he has the right to dictate to you like this .

User527294627 · 31/10/2021 05:49

He doesn’t get to decide. Just leave. And while you’re at your mum’s, contemplate if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this prick.

DoItAfraid · 31/10/2021 05:50

@samwitwicky

Your husband needs to get in the bin.
A bin with a lid.
LolaSmiles · 31/10/2021 06:01

He sounds like yet another man who has no issue creating children but thinks it's women's work to look after them.

When he says take the kids with you, he means that he think you or your mother should look after his kids because you're women and he is a big important man who doesn't trouble himself with family responsibilities.

Jamallama · 31/10/2021 06:05

As far as I remember, when you got married the vow in sickness and in health was mentioned.
Well, he's had the health so now he can deal with the sickness.

Bywayofanupdate · 31/10/2021 06:07

It's really not up to him. Go and rest without your children

Original poster
Rosebel · 31/10/2021 07:28

I didn't think I was being unreasonable but I'm never too sure. I just know that if I went he'd hold it over me forever "remember the time I had to look after the girls because you fucked off to your mum's? Not that either of them require looking after in any major way.
I don't mind taking the little one because otherwise my husband wouldn't be able to go to work.
We're certainly had our problems and there is quite a bit of extra stress at the moment but I actually thought things were getting better.
Can't have my mum to stay as she can't manage our stairs which are really steep and deep otherwise I probably would have suggested that.
I can remember my mum occasionally going away and my dad never got all pissy even though there were 4 of us to look after.

OP posts:
hardboiledeggs · 31/10/2021 07:30

Why the fuck are you with this monster? I don’t often say this as I think it’s over used but for your health and your kids leave this piece of shit!

GoodnightGrandma · 31/10/2021 07:31

Who made him the boss ? Marriage is meant to be a partnership.

user1471462428 · 31/10/2021 07:32

That’s because your dad realised he was also a parent and had an obligation to look after his own children which your husband hasn’t realised yet.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2021 07:33

Why are you even listening to him? You don’t need his permission, you’re a grown up. Not a child. Just go and take the smallest with you.

KatherineJaneway · 31/10/2021 07:34

Is he always this nasty?

Morechocmorechoc · 31/10/2021 07:36

Does he ever go away for a night with friends? Have hobbies where you stay in and he goes out? Evenings out with friends? If so then just go. If he always stays at home to help eith the family then you can have a different conversation!!!

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 31/10/2021 07:36

What do you actually get from this marriage? Go to your mum's!

AnkleDeep · 31/10/2021 07:41

He's a prick. Just go. Fuck him.

girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 07:44

Don't go without the kids if you're intending on leaving him because he'll use that against you in a custody battle. Not because he wants the kids, but because he's clearly a nasty arsehole.

Original poster
Rosebel · 31/10/2021 07:44

He just said I can go but then added I still have to take all 3 kids with me. He absolutely knows I can't as they are at school and eldest is doing her GCSEs.
I know people are saying just go but I know what the fall out will be. I don't want to leave him (sometimes things are really good) but I sometimes feel like he doesn't care about me and only wants me around to look after the kids and house.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 07:46

Do you always have to ask his permission for things?

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