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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not travel around on busses 5 days post section with baby?

296 replies

TrappedWindArse · 30/10/2021 11:19

I had a section Tuesday morning and have not long arrived home with baby (see previous post about being stuck on the postnatal ward after a hemmorage, no sleep, annoying visitors - yay)

Midwife came round yesterday to check in with us and said I have to take baby into the nearest clinic tomorrow (Sunday) for my day 5 post birth check, to weigh baby and remove my dressing.

The problem is it's 3.5 miles away and I don't drive. I'm exhausted, anaemic and still not able to walk very far. I'd need to use public transport and to be completely honest I'm just not up to going anywhere yet let alone miles away with baby in a sling.

I remember these checks being done at home with my other children but apparently that has changed. Possibly because it falls on a Sunday? I don't know.

Anyway, WIBU to say I'm sorry i just can't do that and ask for somebody to come to us instead? I know the midwives are very over stretched at the minute but I genuinely feel it will hinder my already slow recovery.

Will that go against me somehow and make me look negligent for not complying?

I'm a bit stressed.

OP posts:
SlugRose · 30/10/2021 12:51

@RussianSpy101

I don’t see why you can’t? I walked to my 10 day appointment with my 2 older DC post c section. It was about 2 miles. Take the pram and walk it.
Good for you. Can you really not see why other people's healing might be different to yours?!
Thesearmsofmine · 30/10/2021 12:52

YANBU there is no way I could have done this and women shouldn’t be expected too.

SlugRose · 30/10/2021 12:52

@BoomChicka

Why do neither of you drive? Obviously you wouldn't be able to drive so soon anyway, but this will be the first of many scenarios where not driving will make life a lot harder for you all.
How is this helpful to the OP now?!
PeterIsACockwomble · 30/10/2021 12:53

OP, the 7% who think YABU are your classic internet loons.

RaginaPhalange · 30/10/2021 12:55

Tell them you can't. It's weird they won't do it at home. I had a section months ago and they weighed ds and took off the dressing and made sure the wound was healing

julieca · 30/10/2021 12:56

They havent said they wont do it at home. They will have assumed OP can get a lift there. She needs to say she cant.

WheelieBinPrincess · 30/10/2021 12:56

It’s all to do with the fact that a midwife can only do so many hone visits in a day, whereas if women and babies attend the clinic one midwife can probably see double the amount. There aren’t enough midwives.

But it’s shocking and the whole system relies on women quietly thinking ‘that’s a bit shit, but ok’ rather than saying ‘hang on, no, this isn’t right’.

Like loads of woefully underfunded stuff- but probably as a new mum with a new baby trying to establish breastfeeding I was much less likely to make a fuss about it than I would normally, I just went along with it, as many do, so that’s a win for them.

RantyAunty · 30/10/2021 12:56

Stay home and rest.
See if they can come out another day or reschedule to come in in a week or two when you're better.

Anonymouslyposting · 30/10/2021 12:58

It seems that since Covid they are doing as few home visits as possible. My DD was born last September and we never had a single home visit. Luckily I hadn’t had a section but had a haemorrhage and a lot of stitches and was still expected to trek over to the clinic on the day after I got home from the hospital.

I’d try to insist on someone coming out to you. If they really won’t I’d probably fork out for a taxi or beg friends to drive you. I’d be shocked if refusing to go raised any concerns about not putting baby first but if you’re worried about that you could always send your partner with the baby so baby can be checked/weighed etc.

thepastisanothercountry · 30/10/2021 12:58

This just feels so wrong. Your poor body is recovering from major surgery and you're being expected to drag yourself miles with a baby public transport. Even worse on a Sunday when public transport is pretty rubbish.

Not everyone can afford a taxi either.

On the other hand there is a shortage of midwives and its difficult to get to everybody but overall if you're not well enough to go then they need to either find you something much closer or arrange for a visit either from midwife or district nurse.

Hope you recover soon and congratulations.

2bazookas · 30/10/2021 13:01

Taxi? Friend with car?

PjsOn · 30/10/2021 13:03

They should come out to you for any postnatal appointments for the first 4 weeks. They can't seriously expect you to catch the bus 5 days after a c-section? I had my third child a few months ago I didn't have a section but ended up with terrible injuries during the birth, I was struggling to get off the sofa for a month nevermind 5 days after!! Just tell them it isn't possible to get there. I can't believe they'd even suggest this.

honeylulu · 30/10/2021 13:15

When I had my first 16 years ago all Midwife visits were at home. Just as well as my husband only has the first week off work and I was a total zombie for a month and wouldn't have dared drive.

My second 7 years ago, everything had changed. Only one home visit the first day then you had to attend appointments at hospital. My husband took me for two weeks then back to work. Baby was low birth weight so there was another three appointments. I went to the first one. Horrendous, so stressful, lost car keys, baby screaming distracting me while driving (I hadn't had a c-section btw), no parking spaces. When I got there I was immediately told off for being 15 mins late and bringing my older child (school holidays, duh). I quite sharply told her this wasn't going to work and I wouldn't be attending any more appointments there. Lo and behold the final two checks were rearranged to be at my GP surgery just 5 mins from home.

I appreciate that midwifery is underresourced and underfunded but seriously to expect new mothers to be rushing around like that especially after a c section and in a pandemic is unworkable.

BarkminsterBlue · 30/10/2021 13:16

YANBU - you couldn't drive yourself even if you had a licence and access to a car. You haven't been discharged from midwife care and you need to insist, nicely, that a community midwife comes to you.

BungleandGeorge · 30/10/2021 13:16

I think it’s totally unreasonable for someone 5 days post Caesarian to be expected to travel with a baby to them. You’re not supposed to be lifting or driving. It’s not very long ago that you’d be expected to stay in hospital for 5 days. If it’s for a dressing change they have the option of getting a district nurse to do it. I wouldn’t say anything about the money, it’s not about that it’s a safety issue

TatianaBis · 30/10/2021 13:17

I just don’t understand people who don’t learn to drive.

In this situation I would either just not go or make an appointment at your local GP surgery.

SnackSizeRaisin · 30/10/2021 13:17

I know it’s irrelevant but the cost of having a baby in the US is up to $11000. We’re very lucky to pay next to nothing for all our health care.

This has to be the dimmest comment on the whole thread.

Original poster
TrappedWindArse · 30/10/2021 13:17

When she was here yesterday she said, and I quote "you will have to come into clinic for the 5 day check on Sunday" but didn't ask whether it will be feasible for me or not. I wasn't really given an option.

I asked where the clinic was and she told me. I wasn't familiar so she wrote down the address and said it wasn't far. Imagine my shock when I put the address into Google maps after she left.

With my eldest we attended a clinic alot closer but still too far for me to drag myself this soon after surgery. No idea why things have now moved to this further one. Nothing was explained about how/why they do it this way now, I just assumed it was due to midwife shortage.

I'm definitely going to put my foot down and say I'm sorry i just can't manage it unless RussianSpy fancies ferrying us in her private jet Grin

Also yes that's a good point made above, we ARE told not to do much or lift anything heavier than baby/a cup of tea for the first weeks. Infact, I was told to do nothing other than caring for baby.

I'm managing ok with feeding him, on formula sadly as BF is going to shit, but changing his nappies is so difficult and causes alot of pain - with that in mind I don't know how they expect me to manage going two and fro around the city with him in a sling.

OP posts:
purplesequins · 30/10/2021 13:17

can you ask to have the check at your gp surgery on monday?

Narutocrazyfox · 30/10/2021 13:18

Don't go. Just refuse.

MilkywayMonarch22 · 30/10/2021 13:18

They made my cousin do the same post c section, she had a horrific experience in hospital and an awful follow up too.
She doesn't drive and had to get 2 buses to her appt, she's very quiet so wouldn't say anything, I would have refused. She hurt herself walking all the way there as she didn't feel confident on the bus and didn't have tons of money for taxis.

MilkywayMonarch22 · 30/10/2021 13:18

Suffice to say, you can refuse and should refuse. They can come to you or find you somewhere closer!

Thesearmsofmine · 30/10/2021 13:19

@TatianaBis

I just don’t understand people who don’t learn to drive.

In this situation I would either just not go or make an appointment at your local GP surgery.

Cost, living somewhere with decent public transport, medical conditions, because they just don’t want too?
Babyshadows · 30/10/2021 13:21

So if they asked me to do this it would be no problem at all, I drive as does my husband and i also have friends who could probably help if asked. So it's always worth the midwives asking because for many people it really isn't any trouble and hugely reduces their work load and time efficiency not travelling. Then their will be women like you who it really isn't an easy option, I think if you explained it to them they would understand. Especially as you've had a section, so physically not probably feeling your best. I hope you get it sorted, and feel better soon!

BungleandGeorge · 30/10/2021 13:21

Midwifery is very popular, is there actually a shortage of midwives? Or is it just underfunded?