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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude and bin it?

240 replies

JakeyRolling · 30/10/2021 10:08

We bought out house four years ago.

Old owners were cheapskates and refused to set up a mail redirect so we had their number and for a couple of years (far too long imho) they would come and collect mail when we said we had some for them.

We had no mail for over a year so deleted their number (we've never known their new address).

Today we got a (what feels like) a card through the door with a handwritten note on the back effectively demanding we forward it as sender has lost their number/new address.

The sender fully acknowledges that they know the recipient no longer lives here, so it's been sent in the expectation that we will do the final legwork.

There's also no return address on the envelope so we can't even stick it back in the post box (which involves a trek into town).

Aibu to think sender is a CF and just bin the bloody card?

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 30/10/2021 14:18

Most people don’t set up a mail redirection because they don’t want people knowing their new address. If they wanted this person to know their address I’m sure they would have told them in the past 4 years.

BertramLacey · 30/10/2021 14:22

Why would they suddenly turn up after 4 years to collect a card they don't know someone has sent? I assume they wouldn't know as the sender doesn't know how to contact them.

They used to turn up and collect mail, who's to say they wouldn't again, on the off chance, rather than for a specific piece of post? It was a suggestion, not a commandment. I'd feel better about opening it if I'd waited a while. If others are quite happy just binning it or opening it straight away, I can't say I would be bothered.

oneglassandpuzzled · 30/10/2021 14:23

I think that’s taking money from someone else’s card is just awful.

Tallisimo · 30/10/2021 14:25

Why did you even agree to take their phone number and ring them when there was mail for them to collect? If they wanted their post, they should have set up a redirection.

As for any mail still arriving like this, write return to sender / not at this address and put it back in the post box

ItWaAgathaAllAlong · 30/10/2021 14:27

Oh God, a member of my family has moved about 30 times in the last 20 years in a series of short term rentals. At no point EVER has this family member used the 'forwarding on' service provided by the Post Office because they don't want to pay for it (tbf, they move so often it would be a huge cost - but that said, they don't 'have' to move, they just 'get bored' after a few months in a property Confused). Said family member has a spouse and several primary age/secondary age children, so in theory they 'should' be getting a lot of post!

Except, important legal things have been happening the last few years, and 'said family member' is quick to complain when post hasnt reached them, but they are also unwilling to use the 'redirect' service provided by the PO (because, oh yes, it does cost money - funny that!).

So if I lived in any of the many and various houses my family member had lived in the last few years, and received post addressed to them, I'd either put 'not known at this address' or bin it.

I'm never quite sure why people think it's ok to just move and then expect the new occupiers of a rented or bought property to do their legwork for them.

FWIW, we've always paid for the Royal Mail's 12 month redirect service (the 2 times we've moved in the last 30 years! Grin)

skodadoda · 30/10/2021 14:28

@FluffyBooBoo

I wouldn't bin it. I would put it back in they letterbox with 'return to sender, not at this address' on it.

If there's no return address, that's not your problem.

This is the right things to do. If you can catch your postie hand it to them.
longtompot · 30/10/2021 14:30

@WonderfulYou

Most people don’t set up a mail redirection because they don’t want people knowing their new address. If they wanted this person to know their address I’m sure they would have told them in the past 4 years.
From what I remember it doesn't work like that. The redirection address is put on as a sticker at the post office and sent to the the new address. The people in the previous address wouldn't see the new address of the previous owners. It was 5 years ago since we did this, so I could be wrong.
longtompot · 30/10/2021 14:31

@WonderfulYou Apologies, I think I've misread your post. Do you mean the previous owners don't want their family and friends knowing their new address?

Peaplant20 · 30/10/2021 14:35

What exactly is the point in writing not known at this address on it and putting in the postbox? If there’s no sender address on it isn’t that just extra work for the post office to have to deal with? Just bin it if you’re going to do that. Unless there is a point that I’ve missed?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/10/2021 14:44

@Peaplant20

What exactly is the point in writing not known at this address on it and putting in the postbox? If there’s no sender address on it isn’t that just extra work for the post office to have to deal with? Just bin it if you’re going to do that. Unless there is a point that I’ve missed?
I think you have missed the point, yes. The post office can then record that any post addressed to the previous owner's name should not be delivered to their old address. I think a regular postie would get to know these things and would hold it back. (although I'm not 100% sure) I think it's the PERSON that the post has to be delivered to, and not their address.
TheOrigRights · 30/10/2021 14:47

The old house owners being CFs is entirely independent of this situation.

What if it's an elderly relative of the previous owners? Why treat them with wish disdain?

Anyway, there's not much you can do if opening the card gives no further info, apart from contacting the solicitor involved in the house sale.

I suppose if it's important the card sender will try harder to locate the previous owners.

The only thing that might make them CFs is that you say they "demanded" you forward.

limitedperiodonly · 30/10/2021 14:48

@TroysMammy you sound very aggressive with your talk of doormats and flying fucks. Sorry to single you out when you're not the only person on this thread to say things like that. You were just the latest one. Are people really this angry in real life? It must be exhausting. Luckily I've rarely met them.

I'm not a doormat but my advice is that OP should throw the letter in the bin without a second thought because she does not have a forwarding address. If she feels like being Miss Marple she could open it to see if there is a clue to the recipient. Or perhaps there is birthday money in it. It would hurt me to throw that away, not because I would keep it for myself but so I could give it to charity. Isn't that the right thing to do? Halo

WomanStanleyWoman · 30/10/2021 14:49

@oneglassandpuzzled

I think that’s taking money from someone else’s card is just awful.
Is this just a general point?
CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/10/2021 14:50

OP, how come you didn't ask the previous owners for their new address as soon as it became obvious that they were going to use you as a free PO Box?

Like others have said, this is nothing to do with not being generous of spirit. This is about not being walked over. The previous owners have not gone about things the right way at all. We have always used the redirect service. We would go and pick up a couple of things from new owners that may have missed the start of the redirect, but that would be soon after moving and not years and years later. And we would of course give them our new address at that time and ask them v nicely if they wouldn't mind sending on anything that looks important that missed the redirect in future, but that we had of course informed everyone that was important of our change of address ourselves so not to worry about it at all if they didn't feel like popping it back in the post box.

A cheeky fucker who can't be arsed organising themselves and causing hassle (no matter how trivial) to others can go and whistle for their lost post as far as I'm concerned.

godmum56 · 30/10/2021 14:56

Honestly I wouldn't have started it in the first place...from the start I would have marked stuff not at this address and dropped it off in bundles at the post office.

Gastonia · 30/10/2021 14:56

Every year for about 5 years, we used to receive a Christmas card from abroad addressed to the old owners of our house. I always forwarded it. One day, I bumped into the old owner, and she thanked me. The card was from a distant elderly relative who lived overseas, and who always enclosed money, and every year when they wrote and thanked her, they told her their new address. But she still sent the card to the old address! I was really glad I'd forwarded it.

godmum56 · 30/10/2021 14:57

@CurlyhairedAssassin

OP, how come you didn't ask the previous owners for their new address as soon as it became obvious that they were going to use you as a free PO Box?

Like others have said, this is nothing to do with not being generous of spirit. This is about not being walked over. The previous owners have not gone about things the right way at all. We have always used the redirect service. We would go and pick up a couple of things from new owners that may have missed the start of the redirect, but that would be soon after moving and not years and years later. And we would of course give them our new address at that time and ask them v nicely if they wouldn't mind sending on anything that looks important that missed the redirect in future, but that we had of course informed everyone that was important of our change of address ourselves so not to worry about it at all if they didn't feel like popping it back in the post box.

A cheeky fucker who can't be arsed organising themselves and causing hassle (no matter how trivial) to others can go and whistle for their lost post as far as I'm concerned.

Yup this, also every time we have moved we have left a large envelope with a load of stamps on for any missed items.
godmum56 · 30/10/2021 15:01

@longtompot

From what I remember it doesn't work like that. The redirection address is put on as a sticker at the post office and sent to the the new address. The people in the previous address wouldn't see the new address of the previous owners. It was 5 years ago since we did this, so I could be wrong.

No you are right. My sis came to live with me during first lockdown and that is exactly what happens, it gets caught and dealt with at the sorting office

LemonSwan · 30/10/2021 15:04

To be fair we just moved house and the redirect is not working. We paid for two people + 2 businesses.

I have no idea what to do!!!

But 2 years is ridiculous.

Osrie · 30/10/2021 15:28

@Cherrysoup

Bin. Easy. Anything else, you write not known at this address and stick it in a post box when you pass one.
This is what we started to do after 3/4 years! Also started writing on how many years no one of that name known at the address. Maybe the PO have a holding box for such post.
BoredZelda · 30/10/2021 15:38

The previous owner of our house was the same but I had no issue with leaving his mail in the porch and he'd come and get it when he was passing, wasn't exactly an inconvenience

They were too cheap to pay a tenner a month for the Royal Mail redirect service. I wouldn’t agree to keep someone’s mail for them, when there is a perfectly good service available to have mail redirected.

Firstruleofsoupover · 30/10/2021 15:40

Is it only me thinks it has been sent by the previous occupants? They are thinking goodness we haven't had any mail forwarded for over a year. Are they keeping our mail instead of nicely calling us as they used to do. This could be their test to "see" what is happening to "their mail". This could only be true if they were partly mad, of course. Were/are they OP? Not putting a return address on the outside yet explaining how important it is this piece of mail is delivered smacks of either nuttiness or trying-to-trip-you-upness.

Darkstar4855 · 30/10/2021 15:44

If you don’t have a forwarding address for them then I don’t see what you can do other than bin it. Bit strange to have a mobile number but no forwarding address though.

TroysMammy · 30/10/2021 15:54

@limitedperiodonly no I'm not angry or agressive in real life I just get pissed of with people from time to time and their attitudes to things. Am I not allowed to do that?

limitedperiodonly · 30/10/2021 16:14

I don't understand why people get keyed up. It's not personal. This week I've received unsolicited post from several estate agents telling me how much they could sell or let my house for; restaurants offering to deliver exciting cuisine from around the world and a church staging an alternative Halloween service. I've put them in the recycling. Apart from the letter from HMRC. Sadly I'm going to have to pay that one.