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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude and bin it?

240 replies

JakeyRolling · 30/10/2021 10:08

We bought out house four years ago.

Old owners were cheapskates and refused to set up a mail redirect so we had their number and for a couple of years (far too long imho) they would come and collect mail when we said we had some for them.

We had no mail for over a year so deleted their number (we've never known their new address).

Today we got a (what feels like) a card through the door with a handwritten note on the back effectively demanding we forward it as sender has lost their number/new address.

The sender fully acknowledges that they know the recipient no longer lives here, so it's been sent in the expectation that we will do the final legwork.

There's also no return address on the envelope so we can't even stick it back in the post box (which involves a trek into town).

Aibu to think sender is a CF and just bin the bloody card?

OP posts:
AudTheDeepMinded · 30/10/2021 11:36

Oh God, the previous occupant of ours used to turn up to collect post despite me asking her to set up a redirect. I got very fed up and may have binned the letter from the registry office requesting that she confirm her requested wedding date was still wanted. It was four years after she moved! Funnily enough, the post stopped shortly after.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 30/10/2021 11:37

@Chocolatewheatos

Gotta be honest, I'd probably take any money out of it. Why waste it? The sender doesn't have it, the recipient won't get it. Would you really just bin money to not "steal"? I would, however, leave the card unopened on my stairs for a month or two just in case the intended recipient turns up asking for it. If they don't come then I'd take the money and bin the card and tell them if they ever did turn up that you saved it for months then binned it.
This.
DumplingsAndStew · 30/10/2021 11:40

I think this is totally irrelevant to the past four years and lack of rm forwarding service. Even if they'd used the forwarding service, this would have slipped through as I doubt they'd still be doing it after four years.

I'd open it and see if there was anything to identify the sender.

Larryyourwaiter · 30/10/2021 11:40

I mean they are idiots if they don’t put their own address on.

We found out one of DHs relatives had been sending the odd bit of mail to a house we haven’t lived in for 25 years. It only came to light when his mother died, as most invites went through her so they were confused why we hadn’t responded to a wedding invite (texting 2 days before so a bit late to arrange to go by then).

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/10/2021 11:45

@SunShinesBrightly

I would definitely open it to find out if there is an address for the sender.

If there is, I would scribble my address out, write their address on the front, tape the envelope back up and put it back in the post.
No new stamp.

They will get a Royal Mail card asking them to collect it from the sorting office.
They will get it back if they pay for the missing postage.

Yes, I know I’m petty.

I don't think this is petty. I think it's the right way to deal with it. I've had bailiff mail to our address, addressed to someone who doesn't live here. I asked our postwoman who has known us for years and she said there was a department that would deal with it. We haven't had any since.
gingerbiscuits · 30/10/2021 11:45

God, I'd bin that in a heartbeat & not feel one iota of guilt! Or write 'not known at this address' on it & chuck it back in a postbox whenever convenient.
We've been in our house 13yrs & still get mail for the old owners - I just bin it! 🤷‍♀️

starfishmummy · 30/10/2021 11:46

"Return to sender" and maybe a note about no forwarding address and put in the postbox. Royal mail will open it and attempt to return it.

CreepySpider · 30/10/2021 11:49

@FluffyBooBoo

I wouldn't bin it. I would put it back in they letterbox with 'return to sender, not at this address' on it.

If there's no return address, that's not your problem.

Same. It will go to DLO or whatever the equivalent is these days but that’s not your problem.
BertramLacey · 30/10/2021 11:51

It's not a bit of junk mail. Someone has gone to effort to contact them for whatever reason. Could be to inform them of a death.

They've not gone to that much effort if they haven't tried to find an up to date address or contact details. And just as it could be important, it could be someone the addressee never wants to see again.

I'd keep it for a month. If they don't show up in that time maybe open it and deal with it from there. I mean it's irritating, but I'm also nosy.

ThinWomansBrain · 30/10/2021 11:54

the sender was being unreasonable in not including a return address on the back of the envelope with the note

darklindor · 30/10/2021 11:55

We had Christmas cards from abroad for 20 years to someone who had lived in our house many years ago, long before we bought it. We had no way of contacting them so we just used to put their cards up with ours, then one year they included an address. I wrote to them and they said they would still like to send us a card each year, so we now send them one too. Grin

Chloemol · 30/10/2021 11:56

Put it back in the post stating not at this address and no forwarding address held

muddyford · 30/10/2021 11:59

Just put 'Not known at this address' on the envelope and put it back in the postbox. Not your problem. We are still getting elements of post for previous residents and we've been here over four years. It is CFery to expect others to deal with it when there is a perfectly good system set up. If you do it for a year it should catch everything including Christmas card senders.

ElsieMc · 30/10/2021 12:05

We have lived in a former vicarage for 23 years and still get post for the vicar despite returning it to sender. Best ever was a note from an organ tuner who could no longer attend to tune the church organ. I went down to the church to tell the caretaker. He is hard of hearing and asked me to let him know when I could tune the organ. No matter what I said, he insisted. I felt like going up there and playing it very badly lol.

Tbh op, they are taking the piss. Just bin it. There is a limit to anyone's patience.

ElephantOfRisk · 30/10/2021 12:05

Our previous owners tried the same. We were already hacked off at them for the state they'd left the house in. We knew roughly where their new house was so DH drove round until he saw their car in the driveway and then dumped all the rubbish they'd left onto their fancy new lawn.

Also didn't redirect their mail so we took it up to their solicitors and handed it to them to pass on and let the solicitor know we'd be doing that weekly until they sorted their redirection out. Then we had our next door neighbours pop round to ask if we had any of their mail so we told them where it was. Months later we received a letter from a credit agency (addressed to "the resident" at our address) looking to trace them. We did reply to that one giving as much information as we could so they could be traced. Fuckers.

itsgoodtobehome · 30/10/2021 12:10

We still get Christmas cards every year for our previous owners, and we have lived here for 10 years!! We just bin them now - they couldn't have been very close friends if they haven't bothered to tell them that they moved 10 years ago!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/10/2021 12:18

I'd do the "Return to sender" and drop it back in the post box. That's what I used to do, when I could be arsed.
ALternatively, it would sit around waiting for me to get it back to the letter box until I got fed up and binned it.

So you could skip the wait and just bin it, unless you're more organised than me! Halloween Grin

ArabellaScott · 30/10/2021 12:18

@FluffyBooBoo

I wouldn't bin it. I would put it back in they letterbox with 'return to sender, not at this address' on it.

If there's no return address, that's not your problem.

I'd do this, too.
DumplingsAndStew · 30/10/2021 12:23

@darklindor

We had Christmas cards from abroad for 20 years to someone who had lived in our house many years ago, long before we bought it. We had no way of contacting them so we just used to put their cards up with ours, then one year they included an address. I wrote to them and they said they would still like to send us a card each year, so we now send them one too. Grin
Ah that's lovely
Viviennemary · 30/10/2021 12:37

MArk it not known at this address and put it in a letterbox. I'm sure I read once that you are not allowed to bin mail legally apeaking.

2bazookas · 30/10/2021 12:38

@Ponoka7

I'd open it and see if contact details are inside, or to check the contacts, rather than just bin it.
Me too.

If there's a sender's address in it, I'd write it on the envelope, reseal it and mark it return to sender. Because it's been opened the PO will charge the CF;s to get their own letter back.

(with no helpful info in it, of course).

ancientgran · 30/10/2021 12:39

I think if someone sent me a note saying they needed to get in touch with previous owner but had lost/didn't have their new address and asking if I knew it then I would. If someone demands it I probably wouldn't. Depends on the note.

I'm not sue what "effectively demanding" means in reality so I think I'd make a decision on that.

ManifestingWisdom · 30/10/2021 12:41

I sent a few things to the estate agents who handled the sale. Let them do it.

I knew the previous inhabitants address briefly but I've forgotten it now.

ancientgran · 30/10/2021 12:43

@BertramLacey

It's not a bit of junk mail. Someone has gone to effort to contact them for whatever reason. Could be to inform them of a death.

They've not gone to that much effort if they haven't tried to find an up to date address or contact details. And just as it could be important, it could be someone the addressee never wants to see again.

I'd keep it for a month. If they don't show up in that time maybe open it and deal with it from there. I mean it's irritating, but I'm also nosy.

Why would they suddenly turn up after 4 years to collect a card they don't know someone has sent? I assume they wouldn't know as the sender doesn't know how to contact them.
ancientgran · 30/10/2021 12:45

@Spanielsarepainless

Just put 'Not known at this address' on the envelope and put it back in the postbox. Not your problem. We are still getting elements of post for previous residents and we've been here over four years. It is CFery to expect others to deal with it when there is a perfectly good system set up. If you do it for a year it should catch everything including Christmas card senders.
I do it for a year if I move but these people moved 4 years ago.