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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude and bin it?

240 replies

JakeyRolling · 30/10/2021 10:08

We bought out house four years ago.

Old owners were cheapskates and refused to set up a mail redirect so we had their number and for a couple of years (far too long imho) they would come and collect mail when we said we had some for them.

We had no mail for over a year so deleted their number (we've never known their new address).

Today we got a (what feels like) a card through the door with a handwritten note on the back effectively demanding we forward it as sender has lost their number/new address.

The sender fully acknowledges that they know the recipient no longer lives here, so it's been sent in the expectation that we will do the final legwork.

There's also no return address on the envelope so we can't even stick it back in the post box (which involves a trek into town).

Aibu to think sender is a CF and just bin the bloody card?

OP posts:
TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 30/10/2021 12:46

I'd just ignore everyone involved in this postal fuckaboutery and bin or return to sender anything else that arrives. Move on

RaginaPhalange · 30/10/2021 12:46

Bin it!
We've lived in our house for well over 5 years and we still get letters from the previous owners. Fed up returning to sender.

nonetcurtains · 30/10/2021 12:47

@mam0918
'old' money will still be accepted in UK banks.

WomanStanleyWoman · 30/10/2021 12:51

[quote HikingforScenery]@LittleDandelionClock and then what? Steal it?[/quote]
No - tear it up to make confetti.

GinIronic · 30/10/2021 12:53

The previous owners maybe NC for a reason. Bin it.

TarpaulinEyes · 30/10/2021 12:54

I let people know when I moved and paid for the redirection service for 18 months. One couple just carried on sending Christmas cards to my old address despite me asking them to update their address book each December. I concluded they couldn't be arsed and nor could I so dropped them from my card list completely. No idea if they are still sending cards to me and don't care.

SlugRose · 30/10/2021 12:55

Open it to check it's not important like someone has died and if not shove it back in the post with return to sender on it. Even if there's no address on it. Its unreasonable for them to expect you to still have a record of the forwarding address after this long.

wasthataburp · 30/10/2021 12:58

Wtf. Bin it. It's not your problem

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 30/10/2021 12:58

I'd open it and return to sender if possible or put in post box with adresseee unknown written on it. I spent 15 years returning returning letters to sender from my last house. It wasn't just for the last owner (who I had an address for and had set up mail redirect) but for about 10 different families and some businesses. Mail did slow down over time with persistence and we did have a postbox a short walk away. For a while I had labels with 'addressee not known, return to sender' to make things easier. Now I'm in a new house and only the second people to live her so hopefully wont happen this time.

JudgeJ · 30/10/2021 13:06

@TopTabby

We get a Christmas card for the house's previous owners every year & we've been here 23 years!! It's binned every year & I do wonder what sort of friendship there ever was to not realise someone has moved in all that time. YANBU unreasonable to bin it & the note on the back is so rude. It's absolutely not your problem they lost the new address.
In our previous house we used to get Christmas cards 'love from Mum' for quite a few years, it made me really sad. We couldn't forward them as the house had been traded in to buy a new house from a developer, from whom we had bought it.
WomanStanleyWoman · 30/10/2021 13:20

@Viviennemary

MArk it not known at this address and put it in a letterbox. I'm sure I read once that you are not allowed to bin mail legally apeaking.
Who’s to know though? Letters get lost in the post all the time.
Whatelsecouldibecalled · 30/10/2021 13:25

I binned anything fir the previous owners for our house after 5 months. Their fault not paying for forwarding option and sorting it out. I’ve paid each time I’ve moved. 5 times.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 30/10/2021 13:29

Maybe there’s a reason they haven’t given their address to these people. Maybe it’s one of those clingy couples they met on holiday who then tried to keep in touch for years. Maybe it’s a stalker (it’s Halloween, I’ve watched too many movies). It’s probably something boring though. I wouldn’t go out of my way to help at this point.

I once lived in a very dodgy student house where we’d often have debt collector letters, bank statements, and all manner of personal stuff show up because people didn’t bother changing their address. I once got woken up from my hungover stupor by someone’s probation officer asking why they hadn’t turned up for a meeting. That one made me a bit nervous.

Original poster
JakeyRolling · 30/10/2021 13:33

@Blinky21

There isn't much you can do if you can't pass it on anymore. Though I personally wouldn't have deleted their number. The previous owner of our house was the same but I had no issue with leaving his mail in the porch and he'd come and get it when he was passing, wasn't exactly an inconvenience. You sound a bit childish to be honest
Childish to delete a number I no longer needed? For people I had no desire or need to keep in contact with?

Ok then.

OP posts:
Cas112 · 30/10/2021 13:36

Please do return to sender just to wind them up😂

Furries · 30/10/2021 13:46

@Calmdown14

It's not a bit of junk mail. Someone has gone to effort to contact them for whatever reason. Could be to inform them of a death. If you have the previous occupants number, would it really be such a hardship to text them and say 'there is a handwritten card here for you, I will leave it on the doorstep/ round the side in a tupperware box til Wednesday'. Presumably you get very little for them any more so it's hardly opening the floodgates. The sender has clearly done this because they have no other way of contacting and I would assume there is therefore some significance to this attempt to get in touch. I'd hope someone might do it for me in the same circumstances. Or shove it in post without a stamp to their new address and they can pay to get at sorting office. Honestly, it's taken you more effort to write this post than either of the above
It’s taken you more effort to type that than to read the first post - she doesn’t have their number!
milkyaqua · 30/10/2021 13:46

I would read it first! Then rip it up in a satisfying manner, and bin it. Not your problem, and they were dicks to not include a sender's address, also.

3luckystars · 30/10/2021 13:48

Open it. If there is an address then send it back to that address.

No more you can do.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 30/10/2021 13:49

@Calmdown14

It's not a bit of junk mail. Someone has gone to effort to contact them for whatever reason. Could be to inform them of a death. If you have the previous occupants number, would it really be such a hardship to text them and say 'there is a handwritten card here for you, I will leave it on the doorstep/ round the side in a tupperware box til Wednesday'. Presumably you get very little for them any more so it's hardly opening the floodgates. The sender has clearly done this because they have no other way of contacting and I would assume there is therefore some significance to this attempt to get in touch. I'd hope someone might do it for me in the same circumstances. Or shove it in post without a stamp to their new address and they can pay to get at sorting office. Honestly, it's taken you more effort to write this post than either of the above
This. Just send it on, FFS. It's quite likely to be news of a death, or similar. Maybe the sender was a bit distracted, so didn't phrase their request very politely, but it would still be petty and wrong to bin it. It's not the sender's fault that the previous owners have been CFs.
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 30/10/2021 13:51

(..send it on their solictors)

Goawaymorningsickeness · 30/10/2021 13:54

I would write on the envelope “not known at this address” and bung it back in the postbox. That what we did when we got post for our previous occupants. If they can’t be arsed doing the forwarding thing I don’t see why you should do it for them.

In our previous house we got a letter and and Christmas card off a family for thirteen years, for our previous but one occupants. We never had a clue who they were.

daisychain01 · 30/10/2021 13:57

I wouldn't open it, cross out the address, post it in the nearest postbox and write on it "Return to sender, addressee Gone Away"

It's then completely out of your hands and you can honestly say you forwarded it on if anyone asks.

Whilst they are CFs, do the right thing then you've got nothing to explain in future.

The people who wrote it can't be very good friends if they don't know your vendors location details after that long.

daisychain01 · 30/10/2021 13:58

post it in the nearest postbox and write on it "Return to sender, addressee Gone Away"

Obviously do the writing before the posting lol

milkyaqua · 30/10/2021 13:59

Just send it on, FFS.

The OP can't send it on. Hasn't got their new address, never did. Only ever had a phone number, which she's since deleted.

Can't send it back, as no return address was on it. All that can be done is open it, in case there is a return address inside on the card...

TroysMammy · 30/10/2021 14:01

Only on Mumsnet you get people not thinking after 4 years, it's an inconvenience to forward on mail and do all the legwork. Stop being doormats. OP - open the envelope just to check there's no money in it and bin it. If the person who sent it to you gets in touch just tell them that Ethel and Stan obviously didn't give a flying fuck about them to give them have their new address.