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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get friends kids second hand presents

135 replies

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 29/10/2021 12:45

I’m a big fan of buying second hand; try to get my kids presents and Christmas stockings from charity shops or free Facebook groups. I can afford new but don’t like buying new, mainly for environmental reasons.

I usually get my kids friends new presents but was thinking of getting them from charity shops this year, obviously would only do it if the present suits the kids, like one friends son loves trains and found a great Thomas puzzle in a charity shop.

What do people think about this?

AIBU- buy new if you can
YANBU- charity shop it

OP posts:
hoomans · 29/10/2021 12:47

I would be too embarrassed and afraid people would think of me as cheap but that's just me.

GoodGrief100 · 29/10/2021 12:48

I don't see the problem with it providing you tell the parents before they spend more money on new stuff for your kids...my friend and I do this for each others children and its much easier on the bank and you can find some great quality toys/books!

Muffinsandfruitcakes · 29/10/2021 12:51

I think buying second hand is a very personal choice, and I personally wouldn't impose my lifestyle choices on someone else.

Monsoonmavis · 29/10/2021 12:54

I pick up bits and pieces for myself and my children all the time at the charity shop but I wouldn't buy them anything for xmas from there unless it was new. I also wouldn't buy anyone else anything from the charity shop. I have been gifted things from the charity shop before from my MIL and it just goes straight back to the charity shop.

TheBeesElbows · 29/10/2021 12:55

I would love that. I only buy second hand and hate getting 'trash', i.e. people gifting weird bath sets, etc just to buy more stuff. Wish everyone did. When people ask me what I would like for birthday, Christmas, etc I always say e.g. would love a new cookbook - really like xyz if you find one or similar one on eBay/fb marketplace/charity shop I'd love that. Most if not all of my friends are the same.

CourgetteSeason · 29/10/2021 12:55

Hmmm interesting. I also buy 2nd hand present for DS but not sure I would for others.

MarineBlue33 · 29/10/2021 12:56

I wouldn't buy presents for others which were second hand myself.
I think it looks cheap.

LittleLottieChaos · 29/10/2021 12:56

Thomas puzzle sounds fab. Good cheap kids puzzles are hard to find and why not second hand? Only an idiot would be bothered by that, given the global situation.

decafforme · 29/10/2021 12:58

I buy second hand for dc, not all but bits I see that was looking for anyway and some bigger items. I am starting to get more into it for environmental reasons also.

I was also considering this as always buy new. I was thinking more for one friend in particular who is really into it and think she would prefer. I think if that's the case and/or you tell friends then why not.

decafforme · 29/10/2021 12:58

Buy new for friends kids and family** I mean

ThisOneNow · 29/10/2021 13:00

I buy 2nd hand presents (or new books) for any children of friends who I know share my views on the environment. And they do the same for us, which we are grateful for. I hate thinking about how much unnecessary plastic crap ends up in landfill.

TheBeesElbows · 29/10/2021 13:00

@MarineBlue33

I wouldn't buy presents for others which were second hand myself. I think it looks cheap.
But surely even someone thought that it's better than looking wasteful an oblivious to environmental issues?
drpet49 · 29/10/2021 13:01

* I don't see the problem with it providing you tell the parents before they spend more money on new stuff for your kids*

^This

cushioncovers · 29/10/2021 13:02

Unless you and the other parents have had a discussion about it I wouldn't

Merryoldgoat · 29/10/2021 13:08

In principle I don’t mind at all but I’d rather have nothing than a gift someone felt obliged to get that wouldn’t suit the child.

GiltEdges · 29/10/2021 13:08

@Muffinsandfruitcakes

I think buying second hand is a very personal choice, and I personally wouldn't impose my lifestyle choices on someone else.
This. It'd be a no from me. If your friends think it's a cheap gesture and throw away the presents, you'll have done nothing to save the planet either.
gogohm · 29/10/2021 13:12

Depends, sealed in box games or craft sets from charity shops are fine - lots of donations are brand new at our shop. I wouldn't give used gifts though

shylatte · 29/10/2021 13:16

You can often get sealed, brand new stuff and I'd buy that without a second thought. I'd only buy visibly second hand stuff if the friend was that way inclined. My SIL bought me a gorgeous casserole dish from a charity shop, it looked in great condition and I was thrilled, but she knows I love charity shops.

Original poster
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 29/10/2021 13:26

Maybe I’ll raise it with friends and see what they said! And avoid for the horror of all class parties! A shame there’s a certain snobbery around second hand as it’s so good for the environment and the toys look almost new

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 29/10/2021 13:28

Send a message to your friend “we’re giving to charity this year, would your kids like a donation on their part or a little charity shop gift to unwrap”. You never know they might be relieved of the burden of even more tat and just say donation.

Santastuckincustoms · 29/10/2021 13:29

I'd tell them first so they had clear expectations of what to give and what they're receiving.

I'd also want to make very sure that said presents didn't smell, as often second hand books and puzzles are infused with smoke/greasy house smell

Greenrubber · 29/10/2021 13:30

It's the small things that make a difference! I've told my family to buy my DD 2nd hand when possible

It's better for the planet and the kids don't care

And its not cheap! My DD is a fan of a cartoon and I buy all her characters 2nd hand they are hard to come by and people price them that way so it's certainly not cheap

HailAdrian · 29/10/2021 13:33

Damn right i would, especially for very little kids! If anyone here gets genuinely upset because they're given a secondhand gift they should grow the fuck up.

Underthestairsbears · 29/10/2021 13:33

My DD had a book from her friend as a birthday present which we knew was second hand as it had the price written inside. I could t give two hoots because her Mum is massively struggling financially and it's actually been one of DDs favourite books.

Having said that, I've only ever had second hand gifts from MIL who really dislikes me!

I made handmade items when I was struggling but if someone who was financially well off bought me second hand and I could tell, then id be a bit surprised.

All three of my kids have had amazing second hand toys for Christmas when they were little from us (and Santa).

NerrSnerr · 29/10/2021 13:36

I have a group of friends where we do this all the time. We all love charity shops and to be honest would prefer something second hand. I have other friends who I know would be offended.